Be Be Your Love: Ever Present Past
by syd-monpeu
Summary: 8th and last in the series. Derek, Addison and Meredith are working hard to clean up the messes they've spent years making. But they wouldn't be them without new problems, conflicts and relationships.
1. Under Pressure

So….

Ya I kinda disappeared there for awhile. I've been working so much it's sickening (and slightly illegal).

But, I've got a chapter written and a fairly okay and colourful outline.

IMPORTANT NOTE: Pay attention. I wrote this differently. You know how I get bored and I try stuff and then Sarah says it's okay and so I post it. And you know that I like you to be confused and pulling out your hair (it's a sign of good writing, I swear).

Basically…. blame Sarah.

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5 years later

Addison poured a tall glass of orange juice and kicked the refrigerator door closed with her heel. What she wanted was coffee. What she was was to lazy to dig the coffee maker out from the back of the cluttered cabinet.

She sighed and glanced at the clock on the wall as she absently scratched the back of her leg with her foot. She was on the verge of being late for work. She took another sip of her juice and mentally rearranged her timeline –– she needed 28 minutes in the shower, there was no getting around that; 25 minutes to towel dry her hair, apply product, blow dry and flat iron; by that time her body would be dry so she could skip straight to 4 minutes of moisturizing and 11 for make up, 3 minutes to brush her teeth and that was exactly 10 minutes over the one hour she had before she needed to leave.

And she hadn't scheduled any time to get dressed. Or answer her phone that was currently ringing. She glanced at the screen 'Laura - Home'.

Wasn't happening.

She tossed her phone back into her purse and glanced up as the bathroom door at the end of the hall swung open and released a cloud of steam.

"I'm going to be late for work!" She whined, remembering as she did that she had forgotten her make up and therefore had an extra minute to spare.

"Then shower at your own house."

Addison huffed and stalked down the hall to the bathroom.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Alex asked automatically as she passed, just like he did every time that she showed up at his house like this –– it happened a couple times a year.

She glared. "I hate him."

"I'm sure he deserves it," Alex responded automatically just like he always did when she claimed she hated him.

"He does," she slammed the door to the bathroom.

Alex shook his head as he listened to her angrily rummaging around the bathroom and pulling back the shower curtain.

"Who's been using my _shampoo_!?"

XXXXX

"'Lo?"

"Morning."

"It's 7:03. AM. It's seven. O. Three. AM. I was just going back to sleep"

"You alone?"

"Yeah," Sydney pushed herself up to lean against the headboard, "Mark wanted to take the girls out for pancakes or waffles or chocolate cake or something before school. I got them ready and _just _climbed back in bed."

"Can I come over?"

"If you bring muffins," Sydney groaned slightly as she turned and put her feet on the floor, "I'll make some coffee."

"Stay in bed, I'll take care of breakfast." Derek's voice floated through the bedroom from the speakerphone, "I can only stay an hour anyway, and you should stay put."

"So considerate for a man that invites himself over at 7 AM."

"You're up, I drove by half an hour ago."

"Stalker."

"No muffins for you then."

"Derek," she whined, "That's not fair. Withholding muffins when I need my strength the most."

"You can have one muffin," he conceded as he pulled into her driveway –– he'd picked up the muffins before he'd called her, "But you owe me."

Sydney chuckled, "I think we need to have a conversation about who owes who in this relationship, cause if anything, it's the other way around."

"We'll see."

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"_Would it have been different if she'd lived?"_

"_Yes."_ _Derek said without hesitation, but with an edge of sadness._

"_We would've been happy, wouldn't we." Meredith traced her fingers along the lettering on the simple grave marker._

"_Yes." Derek sighed, "I was a better man when I was her father."_

_Meredith stood slowly, her eyes locked on the grave, "I'm happier being her mot_her." _She smiled at the grave, not sadly but rather peacefully and serenely. She sighed softly and walked away, not turning back, walking confidently away from him._

_Derek watched her leave. Watched her get in her car without looking back. Watched her drive away._

_And he felt alone._

_Meredith. His Meredith._

_Now he was the one that was just a little bit damaged._

_And he felt alone._

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"_You're back."_

_Derek stared at her, more uncertainly then usual._

"_Come on in. I'll find the scotch," Sydney stepped aside and let Derek pass, "When I saw the list I kinda thought you might be back and I kinda thought you might like a drink. So, I said to myself, 'Sydney, it would be downright irresponsible to let that poor lonely confused man drink alone'. So I got out my trusty pump and I expressed enough milk to feed Lola through to kindergarden, You don't want to know the condition of my nipples. Let's say cracked and sore and leave it at that."_

"_I saw Meredith."_

"_No. You ran out on Meredith. I don't think you had time to actually see her." Sydney walked a ahead of him, her voice void of her usual high pitched trill due to her brood of napping children._

"_No. No, I saw her. After. At the graveyard."_

"_Oh for…" she sat down on the couch and started pouring scotch, "No. No, you don't want to be Meredith. Ok? That ship has sailed. It's far faaaar away. That ship is in China now. The ship is… you know, I don't understand why we even have to have this conversation," she paused momentarily to take a sip of her scotch, "You and I both know that you have no choice but to go back to Addison. I don't get why Addison even had to make that list –– don't worry I won't tell her I saw it, but, oh my god, what the hell."_

"_Sydney–– _

"_I do understand why I'm going to have to be your confidant thought. Because you, Derek Shepherd, are an idiot."_

_Derek was silent, "You saw the list..." he spoke slowly._

"_You forgot the list, It's hilarious –– by the way –– I don't know if Addison was being completely serious, but she's funny. And I'd be honoured to be your confidant, I'm assuming thats why you're here, to ask me to accept this esteemed position."_

_Derek smirked._

"_I thought so," Sydney grinned, then contorted her face into a mask of seriousness, "So I made a list too."_

"_What kind of list?" Derek asked, wavering between confusion and amusement._

"_A list of reason's why you should be with Addison. I figured that's why you chose me as your confidant –– I know Derek-and-Addison better then Derek-and-Meredith. Actually, I don't know Derek-and-Meredith at all, but I'm best friends with Derek-and-Addison, so draw your own conclusions from that –– if you wanted Meredith you'd be talking to… well, you wouldn't be talking to anyone cause frankly you and Meredith don't have any of the same friends. Which is sad when you consider how long you were with her. Okay." Sydney took a sip of her scotch and picked up a piece of paper, "'The Sydney List of Love Evidence for Derek and Addison' . Number one –– and these are other then the fact that you came to me, someone who has always been a total sap about you and Addison and actively lied to Meredith so I'm clearly not impartial, these are other reasons –– Number one: They both like coffee ––that's an important one ––Number 2: they bring each other coffee. It's a caring gesture. It says 'hey, here is something you like that also keeps you alert so you can do your job and not kill people and get sued for malpractice and fired 'cause I know you like your job and I want you to be happy'. Number 3: 'His and Her's' sense of humour. He has none, she has enough for both. Also, the 'his and her's' towel's look stupid separated."_

"_How many of these points do you have?"_

"_Only 2 more. Number four: They like each other reasonably well. They are friends with more then the usual allotment of benefits." Sydney glanced up, "Face it, you love Meredith, but you never liked each other. You weren't friends, not really. You hated the people closest to her, her best friends, and you didn't make any real effort to include her in your life or social circle. You led very separate lives, but as a couple. It was weird. I mean you took Addison to a swingers party. When's the last time you took Meredith to even a vanilla party –– one without bowls full of lubes and condoms?"_

_Derek's face remained neutral. "If thats the case then I could be with you just as easily as be with Addison."_

"_We aren't dead yet," Sydney winked,"A reasonable amount of like was enough for me to marry Mark. For now we are reasonably happy. Last one. Number 4: Love. It's been 4 years and they are still willing to figure out if they can figure it out." Sydney put her feet up on the coffee table and crossed her ankles, "That's my list. What do you think?"_

_Derek smiled wearily and took a long drink of his scotch. His demeanor, ironically, sobered, "I like her more then reasonably well."_

"_I know," Sydney grinned, "Now we just need a grand gesture to tell her know."_

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"I have no idea why you're surprised by this," Sydney munched on her muffin and shifted her shoulders more comfortably against the pillows piled against her headboard and brushed off the pillow across her lap, "This is what? The millionth time this has happened?"

"It's never been this bad."

"You always say that."

"It's different this time. It's not just petty adultry. This is so beyond… everything.."

"Uh huh."

"This is actually life changing Syd."

"Right."

"You mock," Derek glowered at her, "But may I remind you about the 'slutty sweetheart' fiasco. You weren't so insouciant when _your_ relationship crashed and burned."

"Different."

"Still stressful."

"You weren't left alone with a houseful of girls and the promise of a hellish decade while they all go through puberty."

"I brought you breakfast," Derek changed the subject quickly, "In bed."

"It's 7AM and you invited yourself into my bed with only a dried out muffin as a peace offering. The only reason I put up with you is because I am your only friend and I feel sorry for you."

"I have friends. At Mercy. People like me."

"Like who? Waverly? She likes you because she has to and if you weren't friends with her your living situation would be awkward," she paused, "––er, awkwarder."

"This is all her fault."

"It's all your fault," Sydney corrected, "Her heart is broken."

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"_Where is he?"_

"_Who?"_

"_Derek."_

"_I don't know. Are you not over him yet?"_

"_I love him."_

_Adrienne laughed, "Admitting you have a problem is the first step. 11 more to go. You should add the '12 steps' to your anti-sex list. Are you home?"_

"_I haven't slept in 2 days. Where is he?"_

"'_Admit you have a problem','recognize a greater power', 'examine past errors', make amends' what are the others?––"_

"_I didn't think he'd say no! Oh my God, Rienne, is he saying he's not interested? I can't stand this. I'm going to work. Or the gym. The gym then work. I'll paint the living room."_

"_There is something about a code of behavior I think… Addison, I think you should go to meetings for this," Adrienne spoke over her sisters nonsensical ramblings, "Could we consider this a gambling addiction? I'm in your driveway. I have cheeseburgers and ice cream."_

"_I can't eat. I'm to humiliated," Addison opened her front door and sat down on the front stoop while her sister climbed out of her car, her phone still pressed to her ear, "I thought he loved me."_

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"Hello."

"Hi."

"Umm, hi," Derek shifted awkwardly and turned away from Sydney who raised an eyebrow but made no move to give him privacy.

There was a short pause, "How are you… you know…"

"Fine," Derek spoke quickly, "How is… everything?"

Addison didn't reply, "I have a thing this afternoon, not a thing thing," she quickly corrected, "A work thing. A surgery. So, could you, I mean if you aren't busy…"

"I can. Yeah," Derek ran his hand awkwardly through his hair, "I can go around two and… if that would…"

"That's fine," Addison broke in, "Her stuff is by the back door and her…"

"I know where her things are Addison," Derek spoke a bit harsher then he meant too.

"Fine," Addison matched his tone, "I'll be home by supper so don't worry about feeding her."

"Why don't I just take her with me tonight?"

Addison was silent, "You're staying at the cabin then?" she asked hesitantly.

Derek processed this slowly, "I just thought … No. I'm not. I can ––"

"Fine. If you are going to stay at the cabin, take her with you. She loves the cabin."

"I'm not going to stay at the cabin. I thought that's what you..."

"I want you to stay at the cabin."

"Really?"

"Really." Addison spoke firmly, "Sadie's stuff is at the back door, if you need any of your stuff pick it up while you're there."

"Addison––" Derek sighed into his phone and disconnected as the dial tone rang in his ear.

"That seemed like a friendly call." Sydney smiled as she poured a mug of coffee for Derek and a glass of apple juice for herself.

"Joint custody," Derek said dryly, "I have to go pick her up this afternoon. Addison wants me to get my stuff out."

Sydney eased herself into a stool at the kitchen counter, "Really? Now?"

"Really. Now."

"You'd think you'd be cutting each other a little slack right now."

Derek chuckled, "We'll work it out by Saturday. She's just over reacting. Don't worry."

"The wedding is in 4 days."

"I said don't worry."

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"_All the blood is rushing to my head."_

"_You're drunk."_

"_No. I'm upside down."_

"_Why?"_

"_Because I'm drunk?" Sydney asked, her head lolling over the edge of the couch so her upper body was upside-down._

"_Very." Derek, soberly, sighed, "I don't have a choice do I."_

"_Addison or bust," Sydney agreed._

"_We are reasonably happy together."_

"_Yes."_

"_We like each other."_

"_Almost most of the time."_

"_And if it doesn't work… I mean there is nothing to lose."_

"_You'll just try again in a few years."_

"_We're comfortable with each other."_

"_You love her."_

_Derek smiled weakly, "Almost most of the time."_

_Sydney shook her head making things spin and making her laugh, "You looooooove her."_

_Derek just laughed._

"_Your love, can move mountains. Your love, knows no bounds. Your love, is magic. Your love… I am really drunk. But you love her, in a weird complicated twistly way. But it's love. So you should go to her with a grand romantic gesture. And candy. But no flowers. You save the flowers for the apologizing. You, so far, haven't done anything wrong. Other then making her wait. Which is mean. You are a mean man Derek Shepherd. God. I'm DRUNK." Sydney frowned, mentally calculating how long she had to sober up before her brood of energetic girls awoke. "I'm sober. I'm sober. I'm sober." She took a few calming breaths and struggled to sit up, "Apparently a couple fingers of single malt scotch hits you hard when you've given birth in the last 2 weeks. It will pass. It will pass."_

"_You can't will yourself into sobrity Mrs. Sloan."_

_Sydney fixed Derek with an intensely passionate look, "You must go to her."_

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"Addison."

Addison groaned and considered hanging up, "I should start checking my caller ID."

"This isn't about you. I'm calling about Laura," Kathleen tapped a pencil on her mahogany desk, "Do you know where the hell she is?"

"Local bar?" Addison replied dryly, looking around her own local bar.

"You're a funny girl. Seriously. Where is she?"

"I haven't spoken to Laura in weeks. It might be a month. I don't think Derek really has either. Which is slowly killing him." Addison pressed her eyes shut and covered her face with her hands.

"Addison," Kathleen spoke softly.

"I haven't spoken to her. Okay? It's been… awhile. And Derek is torn, but he hasn't spoken to her either. I don't think they've spoken in months."

"Months? She never…"

"Sydney is … special to Derek," Addison could feel the migraine starting, "And you know how Derek feels about vows and loyalty and family. He can't believe that Laura would… she's his sister and he holds her to a certain standard and––"

"I know I know. Worst sister, sister-in-law ever. But we need a place to stay and I'm not taking all these kids to a hotel. Seattle hotels have done nothing to deserve that."

"I thought you were staying with us."

"No," Kathleen corrected slowly, "Your place is tiny and you have the girls and it will just generally be a mad house. We are staying in a hotel. Mom and I decided."

"But Nancy said…"

"Nancy is an impulsive neurotic romantic. It's bad enough that we are bring 9 kids to a wedding that only the adults were invited too. I don't care if it's family, there isn't enough space in Seattle for family time. Half the family isn't speaking to each other anyway."

"I always said that Nancy's spacial reasoning was off."

"There you go with the funny again. Where is Laura?"

"I don't know. I'd call but she won't answer."

"Well she's not answering my calls either. Use your connections. Call me back," Kathleen ordered, abruptly disconnecting.

Addison stabbed her fork into her shepherds pie, noting the irony, and eyed her phone. Rolling her eyes she dialed and sighed heavily as she listened to it ring.

"Al's phone."

Addison raised an eyebrow, "Is Alison there?"

"Yeah. Who's this."

"Her mother," Addison fibbed.

"Like her real one?"

"Can't I speak with her?" Addison requested sharply, then waited patiently trying to decipher the grumbled voices one the other end.

"Probably my step-mother. Hello?"

"Ali. Who was that charming young man that answered your phone at 9am?"

"Addy," Ali turned away from the phone, "It's Ruby's aunt dumbass. That's Jane's boyfriend. He spent the night last Thursday and hasn't left yet. What's up?"

"Has Anna mentioned anything about where her mom's been lately?"

"I don't know. Anna is in Spain for the semester. I haven't spoken to her mom."

"Who's feeding the cats?"

"Her mom."

"So she's at Anna's place a couple times a day?"

"She's staying there I think. I think she let her place go and Anna says she might move here."

"To New York?"

"I guess."

"Okay. I'll run over to Anna's when I'm done work." Addison smiled and leaned back in her chair, "How's NYU?"

"Great," Ali replied enthusiastically, "But my thesis is raping me. Grad School is hard."

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"_Hi," Derek said sheepishly as the door opened._

"_Do you always knock so incessantly when people are trying to sleep? You woke me up."_

"_Sorry," Derek apologized, "Where's Addison."_

"_She's asleep," Adrienne spoke slowly as if explaining something to a small child or a really stupid dog, "She hasn't really done that in a few days so––"_

_Derek stepped around her and headed towards the stairs. _

_Adrienne immediately stopped him. "Umm. No. What do you want? Cause if you're going to break her heart you can do it after her nap."_

"_I brought her something." Derek held out a rectangular package wrapped all in white. "It's not flowers."_

"_I can see that. Give it to me. Wait here."_

_Adrienne entered Addison's bedroom and crawled back into bed beside her. She pulled the covers over her head so she was face to face with her burrowing sister. "Derek's here."_

"_I know," Addison whispered, "What does he want?"_

"_I don't know. He brought you this. I think it's good news." Adrienne slid the package towards her. Addison didn't even glance at it._

"_Do you think I'm weak?"_

"_No." Adrienne assured her, "You aren't weak, and you aren't Mom."_

"_I'm in bed pining over a guy who left me for another woman. It's so pathetic. I'm pathetic. Why do I keep doing this to myself. I should know better. I––"_

"_Addison," Adrienne interrupted, resting her palm on her sister's cheek, "He's downstairs. You aren't hanging on to some one-sided crush. He's downstairs." Adrienne smiled, "And he brought you a present and I really want to know what it is."_

_Addison smiled timidly and sat up, pushing the blankets off of them and picking up the gift. "I think it's a book," she mused as she carefully tore the paper off one end, "Why would he––" she paused in confusion, "It's a date book," she flipped it open and her eyes filled with tears, "He's filled it in," she turned the book around, "He's taking me out tomorrow. And Saturday." she flipped ahead, "He's filled in weeks."_

"_Hey," Adrienne grinned, "He claimed our birthday. That's against the rules."_

"_No it's not," Addison laughed tearfully._

"_It's against my rules. He can't have you for a whole long weekend. Who am I suppose to celebrate with?"_

"_He wants us to go home for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Family visited to be decided." Addison closed the book, "That's 6 months away."_

_Adrienne reopened the date book and flipped through a few pages. "'August 17__th__. 'Rounding Home'" She snickered, "'Home'? As in 'Home Run"? The man scheduled intercourse."_

_Addison sighed and leaned back against the pillows, "We won't make it that long anyway," she grinned, "He really wants to do this."_

"_Yeah," Adrienne agreed, "He's downstairs waiting."_

"_For me."_

"_Well if it's for me we have a problem."_

_XxXxXxXxX_

_He was snoring._

_Loudly._

_On her couch. When she was ready to have a serious conversation that may or may not –– her rules said not, her heart said may –– lead to other things. He seemed sure of himself –– sleeping calmly without a care in the world when she had been on the verge of a nervous breakdown for 2 whole days._

_She curled into the corner of the couch opposite him and poked him lightly in the side with her toe, "Derek. Derek!"_

_He started, then smiled and rested his hand on her ankle, "Hey."_

"_I don't think this is going to work," she held up the date book._

_Derek pulled his hand away from her foot and sat up slowly –– confusion evident on his face, this was her idea after all._

"_You want to go out tomorrow at 6, but I'm going to be at the hospital until at least 8. And Adrienne has issues with you claiming out birthday, especially since we apparently don't have 'intercourse' scheduled for 3 weeks after that."_

_Derek sank back against the couch cushions as a huge smile broke across Addison's face. "That was mean," he informed her weakly._

"_So was leaving me hanging for 2 days," she teased._

"_So I should have brought flowers?"_

"_Always bring flowers."_

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So… what did you think?

Are you confused?

In case someone didn't figure it out (and I'm betting that at least a few didn't), the present is the future and the past is the present. MEANING, that the _flashbacks_ continue the storyline from the last section, and then 'five years later' is… well… 5 years in the future from where we left off at the end of the last section. So there are two separate but connected storylines.

How annoying is that. You are getting the beginning and the end of the story and waiting on the middle.

I'm a bitch. Leave me reviews and tell me how huge a bitch I am :P.


	2. The Beginning After The End

Done. Done. Done. This chapter took me SO LONG. I'm going to blame it on work and that car that hit me.

So, in this chapter, well Meredith is back cause I like her better then those other two, and those other two have their first date, and it's Derek's first day at work, and you learn a little bit more about Addison's family.

That's it.

Read.

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"_Derek, welcome to Mercy."_

"_I'm glad to be here."_

"_You've met Alan and Rebecca."_

"_Of course, Doctors." Derek held out his hand._

"_Actually we try not to use titles. Only in front of the patients. Makes things more friendly."_

"_Sure," Derek agreed slowly. He wasn't sure but he was pretty sure that Alan and Rebecca –– his new best friends he'd decided –– had just rolled their eyes behind the back of the Chief of Surgery._

"_Fred, promised I could have you," Rebecca gave the chief a charming smile, "Tumour on a brain stem, I want to see if you do have 'golden gloves'."_

"_You've met Mark," Derek guessed. Rebecca raised an eyebrow to confirm Derek's suspicions,"I get the job done."_

"_That's what they all say." Rebecca smiled._

"'_Becca, I just came from the lab and 10 of our test subjects coded overnight."_

"_Well that's not good," Rebecca grimaced at the younger doctor bringing her the news, then glanced at Derek, "The test subjects are rats," she explained, "Shepherd, this is Waverly. She's been my right and left hand for the last 2 years. We're curing cancer."_

_Derek stared dumbly._

_Waverly looked everywhere but Derek, her hand tangled in the hair at the base of her cocoa-coloured ponytail anxiously. "Heeeeeeey," she said finally, drawing out the word and making it sound casual._

_Derek ran his hands through his hair, "Waverly, what are you… " if he had to name the last person he expected to run into on his first day at Mercy West, or anywhere for that matter, Waverly Bancroft would be that person, "When did you… Did your mother tell you not to… you couldn't have called?" _

"_Welcome to Mercy?"_

XXXX

Meredith stepped through her front door and kicked a pair of shoes out of her path. She shrugged out of her lightweight jacket and hung it up as she glanced at the clock on the wall. She was running late. Again. She ran a hand through her hair and glanced around for the grocery list and the movies she needed to return.

A car door slammed in her driveway and she whirled around abruptly. George was early. She mentally reviewed her cupboards and prayed against the odds that she had some sort of pasta sauce somewhere, and stepped out of the way just as the front door flung open and a deceptively heavy bookbag landed on her foot.

"Mom! We are going to make pizza!"

"Is that where your bookbag goes?"

"We aren't even going to put it in the freezer! We got the stuff from the store and we are going to put the stuff on ourselves! We had to buy the sauce and _everything_."

"The kid didn't even know where pizza came from," Alex came through the door ladened down with this that and everything else. "He thought that home made meant that you took it out of the freezer and baked it. Am I going to have to teach him all the important stuff?"

"No," Meredith replied tersely. "Because you will be in prison for kidnapping my son. George was suppose to––"

"I said that I would do it."

"But George––"

Alex waited patiently.

"I have a date Alex."

"And I want to meet him."

"Mom! Mom! We got cheesies and gummies and the turtle movie." The little boy jumped over his bookbag and bounded up the stairs, "And Alex said he'd take the baby-wheels of my bike and show me how to…" his voice drifted down the stairs as he disappeared down the hall.

"Alex!" Meredith exclaimed, "You can't just tell my son that you are going to teach him to ride his bike! I wanted to do that! Cade!" she yelled up the stairs, "Come get your bookbag and take it up to your room!" she lowered her voice again, "And you can't just pick up him up from daycare when ever you want. It's called abduction. They never should have let––"

"Well I wanted to pick up The Gremlin so I figured that while I was there I'd––"

"Her name is _Piper_. Just … learn her name!"

"I know her name," Alex picked up the carrier from the floor at his feet, "I read it when I signed my name on her birth certificate. I'm allowed to pick up my daughter from daycare, I might as well pick up her brother too." He gave her a once over and headed for the kitchen, "You need to shower if you want any hope of getting laid tonight. You're looking kinda ripe."

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"_I'm still not sure about the shoes," Adrienne turned to her left and posed her leg in front of the mirror, "Sling-back," she turned the other way, "Or peep-toe?"_

_Addison leaned against the sink, "I think that dress has too much cleavage."_

"_There's no such thing," Adrienne turned and pushed out her chest. She glanced at her sister and eyed her chest, "You're wearing a push-up, right?"_

_Addison crossed her arms over her chest, "No," she lied._

"_I like the peep-toe I think," Adrienne kicked off the sling back and slipped on the other peep-toe, "It's kinda like your toes are a cock-tease. It works."_

"_On a first date Adrienne?"_

"_Why not? The tease gig will be up by dessert anyway."_

"_Adrienne it's ––" Addison was cut off by the ringing of her phone, "Sling-back. I vote sling-back."_

"_You don't get a vote," Adrienne turned to Meredith who'd popped her head in the door but had seen Addison and was retreating, "What's up Mer-Bear?"_

"_Nothing. I just wanted to run something by you. I'll come find you later." She glanced at Addison who was staring at her caller ID, "Tell my ex-boyfriend I said 'hi'."_

_Adrienne grinned as Addison answered her phone and turned her back on Meredith, "I love when you antagonize my sister. What do you think?" she turned slowly, showing off her dress and peep-toe heels._

"_I like it, what's it for?"_

"_First date. Addison thinks it's slutty."_

"_You have a date? With who?"_

"_No one. Addison's going out with your ex. We're twins, it's like an interactive mirror."_

"_They're dating now?" Meredith glanced over at Addison who was having a hushed conversation in the corner, "Then I think slutty is fine." Meredith smiled insincerely at Adrienne and left just as Addison hung up her phone._

"_Guess who works at Mercy." _

"_George Clooney."_

"_No."_

"_Shame."_

"_Waverly."_

"_Waverly? You mean…" Adrienne sat down on the bench and crossed her legs, "No chance it's a different Waverly?"_

"_No."_

"_So she's working with Derek."_

"_Yup." Addison nodded, "She's been in Seattle for 3 years."_

"_I thought she was only 16."_

"_She's 29."_

"_She can't be, cause that would make us… " Adrienne's brow furrowed as she added, "Ya, okay."_

"_I thought she would have –– you know –– told me she was in town. I didn't think she hated me that much."_

"_She just hates you on principle. It's like genetics or something, passed down from her mother."_

"_It's not Gin's fault…"_

"_Seriously? Virginia is a bitch. A big one," Adrienne declared nonchalauntly, "Don't be mad at Waverly because her mother is a harpy shrew, she doesn't hate you, her mother just despises our mere existence and has conditioned her daughter accordingly. Our awesomeness will conquer Virginia yet."_

XXXX

"That dress is a bit slutty don't you think?"

"Thats what I was going for," Meredith teased.

"What does this wanker do for a living."

"Hopefully he won't be a wanker after tonight," Meredith winked and headed down the stairs, "Cade! Bring me your book and I'll sign it before I go."

"'Kay," Cade swung his feet in the air from where he lay on the floor looking at a book on creepy underwater creatures.

"Okay," Meredith turned back to Alex, "He's not going to bring me his book. It's in his bookbag, it's a little spiral notebook, you just have to took at it, see if there are any notices or notes from his teacher, initial todays date and put it back in his bookbag. If there _is_ something I need to see put it on the refrigerator. Cade needs to be _in_ bed by 8. _In_ bed Alex," she knelt down and kissed the top of Cade's head and affectionately ran her fingers through his hair. She then moved over to the playpen in the corner and lifted out her three month old daughter, "Be good for your daddy, baby." she whispered and kissed her tiny cheek. "Piper will probably off and on until I get home. If she fusses she's got extra bottles in the fridge and the warmer is in the cupboard with the wineglasses. And she likes to rock and cuddle so… act like her father and rock and cuddle her."

The doorbell rang. Cade jumped up and ran for the door. Piper started to cry. Alex and Meredith exchanged a look.

"Sorry," she apologized, "But I won't be late."

"I've heard that before." Alex walked her to the door taking the baby from her arms so she could slip into her lightweight jacket, "Do I get a kiss goodbye too?"

She rolled her eyes, but smiled, "Good night Alex."

XXXX

_Derek smiled brightly as the door opened, "Hi."_

_Addison smiled back, "Hi," she replied softly. _

_He took an unconscious step back and looked her over, "Ready?"_

_Addison took a deep breath, "Yes."_

"_Me too."_

XXXX

"_I don't know how well I could like a hospital that needs separate heads for Neo-Natal, Obstetrics and Gynecology –– all of whom love me since I apparently saved their jobs –– but it's not a bad team. It's more relaxed, or something, I think you would have liked it if Richard would have let you go. Maybe…" Derek trailed off, his rambling going completely unnoticed by his dining companion, "I know you wanted to get away from the gossip."_

_Addison glanced up, and for the first time she smiled, "Yeah well, I got you away from Meredith."_

_Derek smiled back, weakly._

_Addison closed her eyes immediately regretting her words, "I just meant––"_

"_I know what you meant," he glanced down at his plate, "But I think thats more of a second date kind of fight." He carefully spread sauce evenly over his salmon, "Waverly is working in the oncology department. Remember the case you had in New York where the mothers leukemia spread to the fetus? Sounds like she's researching something like that, working on viable treatment options for both. I told her I thought you'd be interested in getting involved."_

"_She should have thought to ask me herself," Addison replied sullenly, "But at least she doesn't have a problem talking to you. She's probably relieved I'm not the one working there, she'd probably be happy if we ended things right now and I never set foot in Mercy."_

"_Waverly doesn't have a problem with you––"_

"_No, but her mother does."_

_Derek shook his head and changed the subject, "The food at Mercy sucks. Their main course today was actually Sloppy Joe's, and I hear rumours that Tuesday is Taco day. But the Chief seems like a good guy. But more interested in teaching then bringing in good cases. And I'm not a teacher. You are. This hospital would be perfect for you. And I'm not saying that too… I just think you would like it there."_

_Addison gave him a small smile and nodded._

"_But there is no parking. Anywhere. I parked on the street thinking that there was staff parking somewhere, maybe underground out of the rain, but no, there is no parking. There are 100 spots designated for staff from the janitorial staff right up to the hospital chairman and there is no priority, it's a free-for-all. Dr. Engels keeps talking about how the hospital is a community and none of us can survive without the other –– he says thats how the Carl's want it, I don't know who these Carl's are –– but everyone within the 'community' is given a share of the hospital in their hire package –– did you know this? –– so we are all equally invested or something. This place was made for you, it's very … harmonious."_

_Addison picked at her food, smiling but clearly distracted._

"_But Fred Engels is clearly a bit loopy." Derek paused and watched her expectantly. He's come to the end of his alloted 30 minutes of hospital related conversation –– and had gone over by about 10 –– and was now at a loss of what to say, "It rained a lot today."_

XXXX

_Addison carefully cut her chicken into 14 equal pieces, then turned her attention to lining up her green beans and carrots in perfectly symmetrical and alternating lines. _

_It had been a very quiet meal._

_Derek was watching her, chewing pensively._

_They were allowed to try again, she reminded herself, it was in the rules, if the date wasn'She sighed and put down her fork, but still didn't raise her eyes to look at him. "Take me home," she requested, her tone defeated and sad._

_Derek studied her a moment longer, then signaled for the check. Addison was already reaching for her shawl as the waiter approached. He paid with cash rather then waiting on his credit card –– not being completely sure that Addison wouldn't leave without him –– then led her to the door, his hand grazing down her spine to rest on the small of her back until they reached the quickly cooling evening air. They fell into step beside one another, walking slowly down the block, going opposite directions around a flowerpot in their path. Meeting again he held out his arm and she tucked her hand familiarly against his elbow._

"_Ready for our second activity of the night?" he asked._

XXXX

Meredith stepped silently into her darkened home and gently set her purse down on the entry way table. The light from the TV in the living room drew her over to the comfortable wingback by the window.

"How was the date?" Alex asked, his concentration focused on the baby resting in his hands and ravenously suckling her bottle.

"Great," Meredith grinned and reached out her hand so Piper could grasp at her finger. She sat down on the arm of the chair and contemplated her life for a moment. "He's divorced, he has a son that's a year older then Cade––"

"Is this the guy you met at parent-teacher night?"

"Yeah," Meredith nodded, "He owns that little seafood restaurant down on the harbour, but he took me to the Italian place on Main because he wasn't sure if I'd want to eat seafood since Piper is so young."

"So he gave you a lot of garlic? That's sexy." Alex deadpanned.

"It was delicious. And we went to an outdoor concert in the park. It was nice."

Alex was silent, "He was a gentleman?"

"Mmm hmm," she replied absently, "I meant to ask you before, are you going to the rehearsal brunch tomorrow?"

"Ya, want me to take Cade?"

"No. I'm going. Will you sit by me and keep me sane?"

"Sure, if you're sure you want to go. I don't even want to go. Sloans and Shepherds all in one room with forks and sharp knives––"

"My son is the ring bearer, he has to go," Meredith laughed, "And I can't just throw him into the lion's den and hope for the best. He can't defend himself from Mark's girls, they're like Derek's sisters but without the restraint."

"So, will this be like a date? You and me?"

"No," Meredith smirked, "This will be like torture."

XXXX

_Addison watched the trees flash by her window as the headed deeper into the familiar Seattle forest. She'd lost count of the number of times that they had driven this road in the last 5 years, both together and separately –– together when they were married and she was living in the trailer against her will, and separately when they would sneak away from their significant others in order to copulate like horny rabbits._

_In fact she wasn't surprised that he was bringing her back there. Their dinner date had been lackluster, conversation had been strained at best, frequently they misspoke and brought up subjects they knew would only start arguments they didn't want to have, and she'd begun to accept the fact that they would only ever have a sexual relationship. _

_She'd take it, if that was all she could have._

"_We aren't going to the trailer." Derek's voice cut through her thoughts, "I don't even have it anymore."_

"_What?"_

"_You burnt it down remember? You think I'd live there after you incinerated it?"_

"_There was just a little smoke damage!" she protested._

_Derek smirked, "I built a cabin. Up river a little further. And I know what you are thinking Addison, thats not why I'm bring you there."_

"_Please don't tell me we're going midnight fishing."_

XXXX

_Adrienne twirled lazily in her desk chair as she waited for her call to connect and be answered. She took a sip of her warmed bourbon and sloshed the liquid around in her glass._

"_Hello."_

"_Virgina," Adrienne greet in an overly friendly manner, "How are you?"_

_There was a long pause, "What do you want Adrienne?"_

"_Just checking in. We haven't spoken in such a long time, it just suddenly occurred to me that I'd like to know how my darling big sister is doing."_

_Virginia was silent –– or silently fuming, it was hard for Adrienne to tell exactly._

"_How are Andrew and the kids?" Adrienne continued._

"_My husband and children are just fine, thank you for asking. And how are you? Still collecting husbands and oddly named children? And how is your sister? I haven't spoken to her since her husband left her for, what was it exactly, adultery with his best friend? Not that I was surprised mind you."_

"_What is your problem with her?" Adrienne snapped, loosing her temper quicker the she'd have liked, no one was mean to her twins and lived to see tomorrow, "I hate you and so I'm okay with the feelings being reciprocated but Addison's always been kind to you despite how cruel you've been to her. Since we were kids you've––"_

"_Adrienne, as much as I love when you call me, when you've so clearly been drinking, and tell me how I should feel about you and your sister, my father and mother are on their way over for our weekly dinner and I'm trying to baste a turkey." _

"_Well, give Daddy my love then. If you wouldn't mind telling him that Addison and I are doing great and remind him that his granddaughter graduated high school with high honours but not a word from her grandfather –– that would be appreciated. Oh, and tell him that Addison has some good news. She and Derek have reconciled and Derek is actually working at the same hospital as Waverly. Small world isn't it? Addison is planning on asking Waverly out to lunch next week. Nice of her, isn't it. Even though Waverly is the daughter of putrescent evil."_

"_Then my daughter and your sister have alot in common. It was nice talking to you Adrienne, as always."_

XXXX

_Addison stepped over the threshhold and felt around for a light fixture. There was none. The only light in the cabin came from the pantry._

_She wandered over and looked inside. She smiled in spite of herself. He had fish bait sitting on the shelf next to a two-hundred dollar bottle of wine._

"_Fire's ready," Derek spoke from the door. He looked at her standing in his kitchen, snooping through his cupboards, and he felt slightly uneasy._

"_This is where you live now?"_

"_Yeah," Derek took two steps inside the door and flicked on a small lamp on an end table, "This is it."_

_She looked around slowly. Light now spilled over a small llving room into the bedroom –– which consisted of a bed and two nightstands, but not it's own walls or even a door. And either Derek had spent a ton of money having his decorator make his cabin look like he'd bought everything at garage sales, or he'd bought everything at garage sales. "It's… cozy."_

_Derek pursed his lips and picked up a foil pan off the counter, "I'm making popcorn."_

"_Oh," Addison nodded, "Okay, Umm…" Addison looked around, and spotted the wine, "Can we drink this?"_

"_We probably should."_

_XXXX_

"Derek," Catherine greeted her son with an affectionate kiss on the cheek, "Where is Addison."

"She's mingling," Derek lied, he actually hadn't seen Addison yet.

"Nana Catherine!" a dark haired ball of energy flew through the air and wrapped herself around Catherine's waist.

"Well well," Catherine clicked her tongue and held the child at arms length, "You would think I hadn't just seen you 2 hours ago," she teased, "Are you having fun at the party?"

"There are no kids," she pouted and turned to Derek, "Is Sadie here?"

Derek shook his head, "No. We didn't think she'd have very much fun. But, Cade should be here later."

The little girl brightened slightly, "Is Meredith bringing her baby?"

"I don't know." Derek shrugged, "But do you think you could do me a favor?" the little girl nodded and Derek continued, "Could you go find Addison and tell her that me and Nana Catherine are looking for her?"

"'Kay!" She ran away without a second glance.

"Thank you Lola," Derek called after her, chuckling and turning back to his mother.

"Something's wrong," Catherine immediately deduced, "Derek, now is not the time for you and Addison to be having one of your spats."

"We aren't having a spat," Derek denied it immediately, spotting Addison moving towards him. Their eyes locked, "We're fine." She stepped closed and he reached out his hand, her fingers wrapped around his and squeezed tightly as he lightly kissed her cheek, lingering a bit as a silent apology.

She smiled and kissed him softly and chastely on the lips as he pulled away. "Hi, mom," she turned to Catherine with a gentle smile on her face.

Catherine looked at them, her eyes misty and her jaw close to trembling, "I just need to hug you two."

XXXX

"Mom! I don't wanna wear a tie!"

"Cade! This is a grown-up party and––"

"I don wanna wear a tie!"

"Alex! Could you––"

"Don't force him Mer. He doesn't need a tie. I mean, I'm wearing a tie and I think they are pretty cool and I think Cade would look pretty awesome in a tie… but don't force him if he doesn't want to."

Meredith swiveled in her seat and fixed her gaze on Cade sitting in the back seat of her SUV –– that Alex was driving, "Alex thinks you should wear it."

Cade stared stubbornly out the window, arms crossed over his chest.

She exhaled sharply in frustration, "Men."

"Hey," Alex reached over and rested his arm on the back of Meredith's seat, "You look great."

"Thanks," Meredith brushed off the compliment but still blushed.

"You know I think that it will be nice. Having our first date with all your ex-boyfriend's family and almost all of our co-workers present."

Meredith laughed, "Shut up."

"I'm serious. I like it. Lots of witnesses."

XXXX

_She wasn't awake, she was just aware. She was warm and cozy._

_And not in her bed._

_Last thing she really remembered was eating yet another handful of popcorn in order to fill the boring silence that was permeating their date. If she had to guess she'd say it was somewhere around there that she fell asleep._

_The bed shifted beside her and she listened to Derek pad across the floor, turn on the coffee maker, then pad back towards her and disappear into the bathroom. The shower started and Addison considered getting up and joining him, but she had a pile of worn quilts piled on top of her and she was so comfortable…_

_She awoke again as the shower turned off. She let herself wake up slowly as he moved around getting dressed, sighing deeply as he sat on end of the bed to put on his socks._

"_Are you getting up? It's almost 8."_

_Addison pushed herself up and let the blankets fall off her shoulders, "I'm not suppose to be here."_

_Derek snorted._

_She set her jaw, quickly forgetting the warm comfy place with the blankets and now remembering the awkward date and the 3 pages of rules that she had painstakingly written out less then a week before. "I'm not allowed to spend the night, we aren't even allowed to be together between midnight and 6am, and we certainly are NOT allowed to share a bed." She kicked the blankets off and stormed into the bathroom, "I thought you'd pretend to care about the rules at least until we were on second base!"_

_Addison clamored around the bathroom making a mess and as much noise as possible. She stole his toothbrush, threw the cap in the garbage and spitefully threw his towels into disarray as she brushed her teeth –– making sure to splash water on the counter as she did so._

"_I assume you're to mad for coffee?" he called through the door._

_She slammed closed the door to his medicine cabinet in response._

"_Just a muffin then," he confirmed, chuckling as he retreated back to the kitchen._

_Addison huffed and rinsed her mouth, studying her reflection in the mirror for the first time. It seemed she'd slept in her slip. This was a problem because leaving the bathroom in a flimsy and fairly see-through slip, in order to crawl around the floor looking for her dress, would probably undermine her anger. No, it was best that she steal some of his clothing in order to show she was serious._

"_Muffin," Derek held out a muffin, "And orange juice," he looked her over, "You ready to go?"_

_She balled her dress further under her arm and ignored his offer of food –– she was also trying to ignore that she'd stolen the sweat pants and t-shirt that he'd worn to bed and they smelled damn good. "I'm mad at you," she stated for good measure._

"_Well, we wouldn't want anything to change just because we're trying to date," he held open the door for her and followed her out to the car._

_It was a silent drive._

"_I tried to take you home," Derek spoke as they turned on to her street, "But, you were having none of it, you didn't want to wake up enough to get in the car."_

_Addison tapped her fingers against the armrest, "But I'd wake up enough to get in your bed?"_

"_Do you even remember me trying to wake you up? You would not stop pouting! You didn't want to move! You were to sleeeeepy," he exclaimed in exasperation, "That whole act was endearing when we were newlyweds but I'm over 'adorable Addison' who can't sleep alone and pouts and whines when she's not getting her way."_

_Addison frowned and looked out the window._

"_I'm sorry," Derek apologized automatically, "But I tried to follow the rules. I tried to take you home, I tried to sleep on the couch. I tried not to touch you."_

"_I made you touch me?" Addison's eyes narrowed._

"_You were cold," Derek protested weakly, "You burrow when you're cold and you try to cuddle. I gave you all the blankets I had!"_

"_I burrow, in my sleep, so it's my fault you got grabby?"_

_Derek pulled up to the curb in front of her house, "I did not grab, I immobilized."_

"_That's against the rules!"_

"_I hate the rules!"_

"_I hate the rules too, but that doesn't mean we don't need them!"_

"_Seriously? Seriously, you are actually making us follow those damn rules?"_

"_To the T."_

"_Then I want my good night kiss."_

"_That's against the rules."_

"_I get a goodnight kiss on Saturday. It's rule #9."_

"_Our date was on Friday."_

"_Not my fault. It's Saturday now. I'm entitled to 3 minutes."_

"_My desire for this relationship to work is quickly waning."_

"_My desire to kiss you fizzled out about 15 minutes ago, but rules are rules._

_XXXX_

"What's up with them?"

"Who?" Meredith turned to Alex while still watching Cade out of the corner of her eye.

"Your ex and his ex. They're all like… tense."

"I don't know. Go over there and ask her."

"You sure? We have a history. You aren't going to get jealous if she throws herself into my arms are you?"

Meredith smirked, "I don't think it's going to be an issue."

"Okay. Here I go," Alex winked at her and crossed the room to Addison who'd just picked up a drink from the small bar in the corner of the banquet room. "Great party."

Addison took a sip while watching Alex over the rim of her glass.

"What's wrong?" he cut to the chase.

Addison looked around and gauged how close other people were standing, "We were talking to Catherine," she half exclaimed, half whined, "And I think she wants a grandson."

"Oh."

"And Derek said it was a top priority!" she shook her head in exasperation and took another drink, "A _priority_! Now! Of all the times to––" her eyes narrowed and he voice became low and slightly threatening, "We are not having a baby –– male or otherwise."

"You'd think that next week would be a more appropriate time to start trying procreating, unless this is a cycle thing that Derek's taking into consideration."

"You're not funny."

"I'm agreeing! You have a lot going on this week!"

Addison sighed, "I should go find him. It's not his fault that he's… him and I'm me." she drained half her glass and held it out to Alex, "You want the rest? It's orange juice."

Alex watched as Addison walked away, smiling brightly at family and friends as she met them, then finally settling herself at Derek's side and putting her arm around his waist.

"So," Meredith immediately appeared at Alex's side, "What did he do? It was the Bachelor party wasn't it? Does it involve a prostitute?"

"What do you think went on at the bachelor party?" Alex chuckled, she'd been trying to pry details out of him for a week, "We played poker and drank overly expensive scotch. There were no strippers, there were no prostitutes, there wasn't even any cake."

"Then what possessed you to show up on my door step at 5am reeking of cheap perfume and cigars."

"I'm in love with you."

"Right. Of course."

"Catherine thinks Addison should produce a male-child."

"With Derek?" Meredith scoffed

"Meredith!" Alex exclaimed at her sinister questioning.

She laughed.

XXXX

"Well that didn't go to bad," Sydney sat down next to Addison and stole the rest of her cheesecake.

"No," Addison agreed, "Guess that's the advantage to second weddings, everyone already knows their part."

"Except Lola. Did you see that girl fidgeting?"

Addison laughed, "No. She was behind me."

"I don't know how she's going to do it when she has to wear pantyhose and a dress." Sydney polished off the cheesecake and reached for Addison's milk, "You and Derek work it out?"

Addison shrugged, "It's nothing that will affect the wedding," she assured Sydney, "You know me and Derek, it's always something."

XXXX

_Despite being 2 blocks from downtown Addison's street was the very picture of suburbia on a Saturday morning, Adrienne thought as she drove down the street, rolling her eyes at the sheer number of people out washing their cars and mowing their 8x10 lawns with obsessive precision. "It's 8am," she shook her head at a family dismantling their already spent garage sale. She pulled in front of Derek's car and glanced in her rearview mirror._

_Apparently, Addison's date had run long. _

_She looked elsewhere for awhile, reapplying her lipgloss and making a halfhearted attempt to organize her receipts from her shopping trip the day before. _

_They were still kissing goodbye._

_Adrienne pursed her lips, seemed like a pretty chaste kiss, the windows weren't even steaming up._

_She leaned on her horn. _

_Almost immediately Addison tripped out of the car, her balled up dress under her arm and carrying her heels. Addison glared at Adrienne's car and stomped barefoot across the grass._

"_Did you at least let him buy you dinner before you put out? Or did you take him straight to bed?" Adrienne called as she climbed out of her car, giving Derek a cursory wave as he drove off._

"_Rules," Addison spat, ignoring the looks she was getting from her dirty-old-man neighbour, "We have rules. No sex rules."_

"_Do you have no bra rules too? Cause I seem to remember you wearing one of those yesterday. Also, it's 8am and you are doing the walk of shame. I think you should revise your rules."_

"_I never said we were good at the rules, I just said we have them."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I think that will be their theme 'we have the rules, we just suck at following them'.

I'm wearing like 13 bracelets and they are clanging and getting in the way of me typing. But they are so pretty I don't want to take them off.

First 13 reviews get a bracelet, also, a promise that I will write more…

Review for the chance to win Curried Chicken for LIFE!


	3. What's Going On?

My wife is a Democrat (Kitten Hearts Hilary) and she says that should the american election go to McCaine and Palin she is committing suicide. Now. This is not an entry with a political msg, I'm not going to even mention my personal political beliefs (besides the fact that I'm Canadian so… there you go) but I'd rather my wife not explode, so I'm posting this for her.

Aside from that…. you should vote. It whatever elections that you have, you should vote.

If you are in the United States then you need to scan you "I voted" sticker in order to get this chapter.

I jest.

VOTE!

Then read.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"_I'm going to pull out all my hair and then just __**die**__," Addison moaned tugging on the roots of her hair, "I can't do it anymore. I can __**not**__. I. Can. Not."_

"_What is wrong with her?" Richard looked to Bailey as he sat down at the cafeteria table with Addison and Bailey –– carefully transferred his cutlery from his tray to the table._

"_She's not having sex," Bailey replied dully, not looking up from the crossword she was slowly filling in._

"_Thank you Mir-anda." Addison spat, flushing slightly in embarrassment, "But I'm not and I can't do it anymore," she whined, "I think this is the longest we've ever gone without having sex since we __**met**__."_

_Bailey raised an eyebrow._

"_Shut up. We're huge sluts. I know. But we're together now. Why can't I get laid? Why? You know it doesn't have to be sex sex. What are kids doing these days that they claim isn't sex? 'Cause I'll do that. I'm good at that. We are both really good at the non-sex sex stuff."_

"_I'm going to eat in my office," Richard muttered, systematically returning his cutlery to his tray._

"_I'm sorry Richard," Addison apologized, again pulling at her hair, "It's only for a few more weeks, I'll be fine. August 18__th. August 18th. August 18th."_

_Richard coughed, "Thats ––ugh–– the day that you ––"_

"_Yes," Addison's face was now buried against her forearms, "Once I'm off first base I'll be fine. That's just another 6 days. First base is sadistic. First base is a tease. First base is a ––"_

"_Good bye Addison."_

"_Bye Richard."_

X

XX

XXX

XXXX

"Where the hell are you?"

"Ah," Derek slowed to a stop at the red light, "Good morning to you too Sweetheart."

"Derek! The wedding is in… 7 hours and 49 minutes! _Where are you!?!?_"

"Where are we going girls?" Derek asked the occupants of the car.

"To get the rings!" two young voices replied.

Addison was silent a long moment, "Hi girls," her voice floated through the car's speakers.

"And then where are we going?" Derek continued to prompt.

"To get our hair done!" Beatrix spoke up helpfully.

"To get ice cream!" Roxana screamed.

"We are going to get the girls hair done and then we are going to get some ice cream." Derek confirmed.

"Is Sadie there?" Bea asked.

"Sadie is having her breakfast right now," Addison replied, "Why are you doing all the errands Derek?" she continued tersely.

"Because I'm a nice guy and Mark had a thing."

"Mark had a thing 7 hours before the wedding?"

"Lola broke her head," Roxie explained helpfully.

"She fell," Bea clarified.

"I did not push her," Roxie added.

"Derek…"

"She needs stitches. She can still preform her co-flower girl duties." Derek assured her, pulling ahead as the light turned green.

"Oh my god. _Derek_."

"Hey," Derek attempted to distract her, "Don't you have a million things to do?"

"Yes," she relented, "Okay. Bye."

Derek hit the button to disconnect the phone, just to have it ring again. "Hello."

"I love you."

Derek smiled, "I love you too."

"I'll see you at the wedding."

"I'll see you at the wedding."

"Bye."

XXXX

XXX

XX

X

"_Do you see that?"_

"_What?"_

"_That."_

"_What?"_

"_It's a grey hair," Derek pointed again, "Do you see it?"_

_Mark squinted, exaggerating the action greatly, "No."_

"_It's Addison."_

"_Addison is giving you grey hairs?"_

"_There is no other explanation," Derek said seriously._

"_Of course. It couldn't be anything logical like you are 45 and have a stressful job and a heart condition, a new job… Do I need to give you more reasons?_

"_It's Addison."_

"_If Addison was going to give you grey hairs I think she would have done it awhile ago. I don't like to bring this up, but wouldn't Addison induced grey's have emerged when she slept with your best friend, or when she showed up in Seattle, or when she got engaged, hell, even when you guys had that pregnancy scare in med school, or the one when we were interns… again do I have to keep going? Cause I've got a lot."_

"_It's her rules. Studies prove that sex is good for your hair. I didn't have grey's before she made the rules."_

"_I think the studies suggest that sex makes your hair shiny, not that it prevents grey's. Look at Richard Gere, you think he's not getting any?"_

_Derek ignored this point and continued examining the single grey hair in the mirror over the gym's changing room sinks._

"_So these rules prohibit sex?"_

"_I'm not allowed to talk about it."_

"_Come on. Sydney knows."_

"_She's my confidant. I'm allowed to tell her."_

"_You are interfering with the communication between husband and wife."_

"_I swear I didn't have this grey hair 3 weeks ago. The woman is slowly killing me." _

X

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"How are you doing your hair?"

"Down." Sydney closed her eyes and sighed into her chair, "I have to many kids to be worried about hairspray all day."

"What about you?"

"Yup. Off my neck," Callie lifted her hair and piled it on her head. "I hate the heat. The heat is the hardest part about being pregnant."

"The heat?" Sydney snorted, "Oh Callie. Oh Callie Callie Callie."

"Don't scare her," Addison teased, "Okay, what about low and kinda loose and sexy."

"Kinda loose? That sounds like you."

Addison turned her salon chair slowly to face Callie. All three women were silent for a long moment, then burst into gales of laughter.

"It was so easy," Callie laughed.

"Just like you?" Sydney suggested.

"Okay," Callie touched her tummy, "One baby," she pointed to Sydney, "You have how many children?"

Sydney smiled, "When you have that much sex the odds of getting pregnant are high. And I have lots of sex. With Mark. It's hard to get enough. As you might remember." She smiled sweetly.

Callie smirked, "Who are you talking too? Me or her?"

Addison flushed.

"I forgot you two are sexually incestuous, You really are 'Loose' and 'Easy'. You hold on to Derek, the way 'Easy' over there is going..." She looked around, "Where did those overpriced scissorhands put my purse, I need to check on Lola. I left her bleeding from a gaping head wound at the mercy of my mother in order to get pampered with incestuous Hoochie Mama's."

"It's not that bad."

"I think if we played six degree's of separation we could connect to each other about 6 different ways in way less then 6 degree's," Sydney hypothesized, "It would actually be harder to make more degree's of sex separation. I mean, I slept with Mark who slept with Callie who slept with Alex who slept with Addison, or you could turn Alex into Geoff and we are in the same place. I don't know… well, okay, Me, Mark, you, George, Meredith, Derek, _you_, Alex, Cristina, Mark and me, I just made a god damn circle. And I never mentioned Steevens or Geoff. There are _sub_-circles within the circle," She glanced at Callie, "Let's swear to never tell our children about the sex circle."

"Oh," Addison suddenly spoke up, "That reminds me, how's Joanie?"

"Good. Arabella is in Kindergarden now so both kids are in school. They stopped swinging and joined the PTA," Sydney paused pensively, "They really aren't as much fun anymore."

XXXX

XXX

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X

"_I'm going to be late picking you up."_

_Addison glanced at the clock and then at her outfit selections all picked out and laying on her bed waiting to be worn. "How late?"_

"_An hour maybe. Complications in recovery. I'll be there by 9."_

"_We'll miss the movie."_

_Derek was silent, "I'll think of something else we can do."_

_Addison sighed. She didn't know how to dress for a yet-to-be-planned date. "Will this 'something else' be semi-formal, casual or really casual?"_

"_I don't know yet."_

"_I need to know how to dress Derek."_

_On the other end of the line Derek sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "You can wear heels, but at 9 o'clock without reservations I don't know how fancy of a place I can take you."_

"_Okay," Addison considered this slowly, "Why don't I think of something then? I can pick you up at the hospital if you want."_

_Derek was silent for a moment, "Okay. You should talk to Waverly while you're here. I saw her yesterday and suggested that we all go out to dinner sometime."_

"_I'm not inviting her on our date."_

"_**Another**__ night Addison. She's family. Make an effort to get to know her."_

"_Fine."_

"_Fine."_

"_I'll pick you up at 9."_

"_Fine."_

"_Fine."_

X

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XXXX

"_SYDNEY! YOU'RE RINGING! SYDNEY!" _Callie waved her hand in front of Sydney's face while holding her ringing phone as if it was a high powered explosive. Her ring tone was _The Hustle_. "_HEAR ME AND MAKE THIS NOISE STOP!"_

Sydney ducked her head out from under the salon drier and looked at Callie expectantly. "What?" she asked.

"Your ringtone is inducing an allergic reaction to polyester. Make it stop."

Sydney flipped open the phone and read the ID, "It's my _ex_-husband."

"Didn't you two agree to stay in your separate corners for the day?" Addison accused.

"Well that was before the twins decided to push their little sister off the side of the deck. Hello?" she broke into a relieved smile, "Hey Lolly. I tried to call you earlier but Gramma said that Daddy was fixing you up. –– 2 stitches? And a black eye! Wow. Rox got you pretty good didn't she. –– Bea helped? But you kicked her? Not very hard I hope. –– Just hard enough. Well good. She deserved it. Did you get Rox too? –– Good. Is Daddy there? ––" Sydney glanced over at Addison, "Remember how you tried to explain post-pregnancy birth control to me a couple times and I didn't really listen? I regret that now. –– Mark? What the _hell_. Stitches? She was barely bleeding. –– She's a kid, she's going to get scars. –– They're all pretty girls Mark. You still need to just put a band-aid on it and call it a day. –– No. She's fine. She just has a thing in her head about how to today is suppose to go. –– No. She pictures perfection. –– No. –– I'll ask. Addison?" Sydney swiveled her chair, "Are you freaking out?"

"No," Addison nonchalantly lied.

"She's fine. –– Okay. –– O_kay_. Addison? Where is Derek's 'usual' ice cream place?"

"Why?" Addison carefully supervised the man tousling her curls.

"There is some sort of 'vow emergency'. Mark is suppose to meet Derek at the ice cream place."

"A vow _emergency_?" Addison squeaked.

"Well, _now_ she's freaking out."

XXXX

XXX

XX

X

_Addison's heels clicked down the unfamiliar hallway. She wasn't sure if she'd ever been in a hospital dressed so unprofessionally. Not that she was indecent, but it wasn't often that she entered a hospital wearing tight jeans and a pretty flirty top. If it wasn't for her heels she'd accuse herself of letting Izzie Steevens dress her. She approached a wide open space with some couches and chairs and what appeared to be a nurses station. This was the strangest hospital she'd ever been in._

"_I'm looking for Dr. Shepherd."_

_The young woman at the desk looked up, then eyed Addison up and down. "I'm not a receptionist. I'm a doctor."_

"_Okay," Addison frowned, "Can you tell me where the receptionist is? I'm Dr. Shepherd's––"_

"_I know who you are."_

"_Oh?"_

"_I did my internship at Seattle Grace. Dr. Grey was my resident."_

"_Right." Addison shook her head in disbelief, "Of course. I'll just wait over there and hope he finds me then."_

"_He should be out soon," a voice from nearby spoke, "I just saw the rest of the team heading for the cafeteria."_

_Addison turned slowly, "Thanks –– Waverly." _

X

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"This shouldn't be a problem. We've both done this before. We can write some wedding vows."

Derek nodded, "Just have to elaborate on what was said the first time."

"This wont be a problem."

"Richer or Poorer. Sickness and in health. Simple."

"For as long as you both shall live.

Both men fell silent.

"The problem with second weddings," Derek began, "is that 'as long as you both shall live' line."

"We meant it at the time," Mark defended them both.

"I'm concerned that it might sound insincere."

"But, it's not."

"But, it might sound that way."

"Mmm," Mark took a bite of his ice cream and tugged at Bea's perfectly coiffed ponytail, "How about a promise not to make the same mistakes again, you know, do it right," Mark grinned triumphantly, "A _vow_ to give her the marriage… no, the _husband_ that she always deserved. That's good, someone write that down."

"I'll write it down Daddy," Bea offered.

"No! Me!" Roxie insisted.

"Okay," Bea gave in sadly.

"You can both write," Mark refereed. Derek and Mark each fished a pen out of their jacket pockets and handed them to the twins.

"Perfect husband," Derek reiterated.

"Or a reasonably okay husband. But one that loves, honours and cherishes. And who has eyes only for her."

"And thinks that she's perfect."

"And loves that she's crazy. And thinks that she's the most beautiful woman in the world."

"Amazing mother."

"Significant other in every sense of the word."

They lapsed into silence again.

"Well, I think thats it," Derek affirmed.

"I don't know why women think this is so hard."

XXXX

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X

"_How's your brother?" Addison rested her folded hands on her carefully crossed legs in the small waiting room lounge._

"_He got married last spring," Waverly paused, "He talked about inviting you but––"_

"_It's fine."_

"_But Maitland's wedding is next summer. I know she'd like you to be there," Waverly smiled, "She still has that tea set you gave us for Christmas when we were little."_

"_I thought your mother would have destroyed that by now," Addison said softly but bitterly._

"_We didn't stop playing with it long enough," Waverly looked away for a moment, "She doesn't hate you, but sisters don't just bond over stuff like this. You took her father from her."_

"_Hey," Derek appeared out of nowhere, "What are you girls talking about?"_

"_I didn't take him," Addison ignored Derek's arrival, "I barely knew him. A trust fund and admittance to a fancy school doesn't make up for the fact that he wanted nothing to do with me. I didn't take anything from your mother. She hates me because of something that was neither of our faults." She stood, "We have to go." She turned from Waverly and walked away Derek following closely behind her. _

"_That's not what I meant by get to know her."_

_Addison turned on him. He watched her, his hands in his pockets waiting for her to come to her own conclusions. Addison turned back to Waverly, "Would you like to have lunch on Sunday?"_

"_Really?" Waverly stood, her arms wrapped protectively around herself._

_Addison shrugged, "This isn't your fault anymore then it's your mothers or mine. My treat," she smiled, "We'll have tea,"_

X

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"Where is Callie?" Sydney asked softly as Addison sat down beside her on a bench outside the Salon.

"She had to pee again."

"My babies never push on my bladder."

"I think she was actually going to call Geoff."

"You still don't talk about the fact that you almost married her husband?"

"No," Addison smiled, "It's for the best that we don't."

"You know why? I'm about to say something very wise and profound here. Callie and Geoff are very compatible. They have a solid marriage and they have… you know it's good. For them. But it's not…"

"It's not what we have."

"No," Sydney agreed, "And that's fine. Not every relationship can be an Addison and Derek or Sydney and Mark. But they will never know the difference because they don't have what we have. Thankfully, because we will never be able to be completely happy with anyone else. We have a person, Geoff and Callie have types. And clearly that can be a problem for other people 'cause you were never going to love anyone but Derek and I'm going to be stuck loving Mark Sloan until the day that I _die_. If Callie and Geoff spilt up –– which they won't cause they work with the comfy compatibleness –– but if they did they would find someone else and be just as happy."

"Not us."

"No."

"Sucks."

"Yup. It really really does."

XXXX

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X

"_Addison," Derek gripped her shoulders and pushed her away, then relented and kissed her again, "We can't do this," he spoke finally, putting some space between them._

"_Why not?" she whined, leaning over the center console of the car and running her fingers through the hair at the base of his neck._

"_Because," Derek attempted to detangle himself from the temptation, "If I break the rules you'll yell at me."_

"_What if we break them together," she scooted closer again._

"_You'll still yell at me," Derek kissed her chastely but held her firmly to her side of the car._

"_No I…. it's not breaking the rules," she protested, "I'm pretty sure there is a loophole in there."_

"_There is not," Derek reached past her, her hands immediately reached for his chest, running over the buttons of his shirt. He pulled the rules out of the glove compartment and retreated to his side of the car. She followed as best she could, shifting on her seat so she was facing him, "We had 3 weeks before we were allowed to do anything," He read._

"_And it's been 4, and yet you are still all the way over there."_

"_But," Derek leaned further away as she leaned closer, "After 3 weeks we have to spend two weeks on first base, and you, missy, are trying to round second."_

"_I think we have different idea's about what goes on on first base," Addison smiled slyly._

_Derek glanced at her out of the corner of his eye, then read straight from the list, "'Trickery or claims of 'it was different when I was in high school' will not be tolerated'."_

_Addison ripped the paper out of his hand and scanned it herself, "Why would I have done that to myself?"_

"_I don't know," Derek admitted, "But, I need to get out of the car."_

_They walked stiffly to her front door, hands in their pockets and staring straight ahead._

"_This is going to be a long month," Addison reflected as they climbed the stairs to her front door. She turned to him and smiled, "But it's going to be one hell of a build up."_

_Derek groaned and turned away, "I need to leave now."_

"_Sure. If you want to give up your good night kiss then––" she stopped with a smile as Derek turned back to face her, "–– or you can just stay," she offered._

_Derek stepped closer and drew her to him, "Good night," he murmured as he gently kissed her lower lip._

"_Night," she replied moving with him so their lips didn't part and their bodies pressed more firmly together._

"_We get three minutes don't we."_

"_Mmmhmm," Addison leaned into him, refusing to let their kiss end._

"_I can stay three minutes."_

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Comments are reviews are like votes. Kinda. 'Cause like… if I get more reviews then all the other people on then I win. Seriously. They don't tell you this on the home page, but if I get a lot of reviews then I become Queen of FanFic.

Seriously.

I need your votes reviews.


	4. The Big Fight

Okay, I like 85 percent of this chapter reasonably well… even though it was almost a fill in the blank chapter. I'd get to the point where I won't know what was going to be said next but I knew what was going to be said right after it so I'd write *Derek says something witty*… and then I was forgetting to go back and fill them in with actual dialogue.

I hope I got them all.

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Derek heaved 2 enormous rainbow coloured suitcases into the trunk of his car along with a duffle bag full of stuffed animals and dolls.

Mark joined him and stared at the contents of the trunk pensively, "Do you think that it's all women that require this much stuff, or just the women in our lives."

"I think it's just ours," he reached into his pocket and pulled out his ringing phone, "Shepherd."

"Hey Derek," a forlorn voice floated through the line.

"Laura," Derek turned slightly away from Mark, "What's going on?"

Mark glanced up at Laura's name, his expression never changing, and walked away.

"Nothing much. Do you wanna have lunch or something?"

"I'm kinda busy," Derek explained apologetically, "Maybe Andrea––"

"I already talked to her. Everyone is busy," Laura sighed, "Fine. I guess I'll see people tomorrow."

"Laura," Derek spoke quickly, expecting her to just hang up, "I'm really sorry."

"I'm trying to be respectful Derek. I really am. But this is hard for me too, and it feels like suddenly Mark is a bigger part of our family then I am."

"That's not true."

"That's how it feels," this time her sigh was full of tears, "He slept with your wife and everything's fine, but we're… us, and I'm being shunned. I didn't do anything wrong."

"Laura––"

"Nothing happened," she protested, "I swear Derek. I never told him to leave his wife… I didn't do _anything_."

"Laura…"

"Derek, I don't deserve this."

"The baby was only a month old and both of you disappeared for three days."

"Nothing––"

"He came back and asked for a separation."

"That wasn't me!" Laura was close to tears, "Just because you are incapable of just being friends with your exes doesn't mean that we aren't. We can be _that person_ for each other and not get naked everytime we are alone in a room together. You and Addison are the _exception_ not the rule," she spat. And hung up.

_X_

_XX_

_XXX_

_XXXX_

_XXX_

_XX_

_X_

"_Addison." Derek hung back a few steps as they climbed the steps to her porch._

"_What?" She turned on the top step, her brilliant smile never wavering._

"_I'm giving the keynote speech at the national neurosurgery convention. The original speaker cancelled and they asked me."_

_She beamed, "Congratulations!"_

"_It's next weekend," he interrupted just as she moved to hug him._

"_Next weekend," her expression immediately blackened, "Next weekend is my birthday Derek."_

"_I know. I'm sorry. There was nothing I__––"_

"_Don't say there was nothing you could do. We have had that weekend planned for__––"_

"_We don't have anything planned Addison. We can––"_

"_We were going to spend it together," tears clouded her vision, "It's our first significant date together."_

"_I couldn't say no. They asked us to give the most important speech of the conference."_

"_Us?"_

"_Rebecca's going too."_

"_Rebecca? The 6 foot tall brunnette that's built like a super model?"_

"_She's the top ––"_

"_I bet she's on top." Addison crossed her arms over her chest and looked away._

"_We'll do something when I get back."_

"_Fine. I'll let Adrienne plan the night. That should be safe and not at all scandalous. Have fun at your conference."_

_XXXX_

_Derek hung up his phone and tossed it at his suitcase. He really couldn't get out of the speech now. Rebecca had bronchitis. He was on his own._

"_At least Addison can be happy about something," he muttered to himself as he collapsed on his bed._

_The phone on the nightstand rang shrilly_

"_You need to do something about -Pants."_

"_What?" Derek pulled the phone away from his ear and stared at it like the receiver would solve the mystery of who was calling him._

"_Your girlfriend. My sister. Cranky-Pants. Do us all a favor and get in them."_

"_Adrienne. You have such a way with words."_

"_You need to do something about her. I'm serious Derek. She's harder to deal with then usual. She's like a PMSing Bitch-in-Heat who just got a massive parking ticket. I can't handle it. I'm about to move back to Europe."_

_Derek was silent, Adrienne patiently waiting, "I might have an idea."_

_XXXX_

"_I don't want to go to the beach."_

"_We can get our nail done. And they cover you in dirt and rub you down in coarse salt. You love that."_

"_No," Addison crossed her arms, then her legs._

"_You are like a small child that isn't getting laid," Adrienne paused, "That came out wrong… you're like a small child. And you aren't getting laid, which is making you act like the small child. Separate thoughts. Completely separate thoughts. Wow, that was wrong."_

"_I hate birthdays."_

"_You do not…" Adrienne threw up her hands in disgust, "Fine. You stay home and pout away our birthday and I'll go to the gorgeous hotel on the beach and get pampered by buff swedish massaging men and get laid by beautiful exotic pool boys."_

"_No. I wanna go."_

"_You wanna… okay, fine. But you keep that lip tucked in. If I see even a hint of a pout you are going in time out. That means no french tip pedi's. Just the regular buff and gloss. And I'm serious. I'll do it."_

_XXXX_

"_Go away. It's nap time," Adrienne pressed the phone against her mass of curls._

"_Add?"_

"_No. She's in time out."_

"_What?" _

"_I'm joking," Adrienne rolled over on to her back, "But she whined the whole way up here. About you mostly. And sex. You and sex. The whole 4 hour drive. I threw up a little in my mouth. Like 3 times."_

"_Where's Addison?" Derek asked._

"_She's over there. Pouting. Napping. You know she can pout in her sleep."_

"_Ya, I know," Derek smiled, "Listen. I made you guys reservations at the restaurant on the beach for 8. I thought I was going to be able to take her myself, but they have me booked solid."_

"_You're going to be back in Seattle before she––"_

"_Which is why I don't want to tell her. I feel guilty enough about missing her birthday. She doesn't need to know I gave you Rebecca's room and that I'm staying next door all weekend,"_

"_Do they have pizza and margs? 'Cause I'm in the mood for pizza and margs."_

"_Can I talk to my–– can I talk to Addison?"_

"_Ya sure," Adrienne nudged Addison's cheek with her foot, "It's your boooooooyfriend."_

"_I hate him," she stretched out her hand, demanding to be passed the phone immediately, "Gimme the phone."_

_XXXX_

_The first time Addison saw Derek, or thought she saw Derek, she was laying by the pool and thought she saw him disappearing into a conference room. She couldn't very well follow in a bathing suit and sheer wrap._

_When she found the events board with Derek Shepherd listed as the keynote speaker for a conference on a subject she wasn't sure how to pronounce ––but began with 'neuro'–– she became more then a little suspicious._

_When a bottle of her favorite wine ––that she'd had on every special event that she'd ever spent with Derek–– was sent to her table at dinner, she was more then a little sure._

_But she had yet to see him._

_XXXX_

_She hadn't been able to sleep. She tossed. She turned. She watched infomercials for stain remover and non-stick pots and pans. She'd helped Adrienne drink a bottle of birthday wine, but only one of them had passed out. And it wasn't her._

_She walked out on to her ground floor terrance. Listened to the breaking of waves on the beach and the hum of a nearby ice maker. She wandered barefoot down the path towards the pool and watched the underwater lights through the rippling water. She seemed deep in thought but her mind was blank._

"_I locked myself out of my room," Addison found herself explaining to the young woman alone at the front desk, "I knocked but he's fast asleep. The rooms registered to Derek Shepherd."_

"_I can call up," the girl reached for the phone._

"_There is a 'Do Not Disturb' on the phone," Addison guessed._

_The girl nodded, hearing the familiar message, she typed a few lines on her computer, reached for a key card and scanned it, "There you go Mrs. Shepherd."_

_The key felt heavy as she held it in her hand, "Thank you."_

_XXXX_

_Addison closed the door behind her and padded silently across the floor. She placed her hands on her hips and bit down lightly on her lower lip. If she had any doubts before, they were definitely gone now. That was her Derek Shepherd fast asleep in that bed._

_She glanced around the room looking for inspiration for dealing with this situation. Derek grunted softly in his sleep and nuzzled his face against the pillow he held in his arms._

_Addison took a deep breath, already starting to regret the rash decision she was making, and slid the straps of her loose fitting silk camisole off her shoulders to pool at her waist where she hooked her fingers around the waistband of the silk bottoms and pushed everything down her legs to pool at her ankles. _

_Stepping out of her pajama's she pulled back the sheets of the bed and slide in slowly, holding her breath lest she wake him up. She gently tugged the pillow out of his arms and scooted closer as his arms grasped for something to hold on to. She rested her head against his forearm and slid even closer as his arms wrapped around her and his palm rested firmly against her shoulder blade. He nuzzled the skin of her shoulder and kissed her collarbone before stilling again and falling deeper asleep._

_Addison smiled and ran her finger tips over his chest, under his t-shirt, then up his spine and across his back. "Derek," she whispered softly pressing her lips lightly against his mouth, "Derek," she murmured again, a bit louder, her lips now resting against his jaw. He grunted softly. "Derek," she repeated, no longer lowering her voice, as she bit down lightly on his chin, "Derek."_

_He started, his eyes dragging open slowly as he stared at her blearily and still half asleep._

"_Hey," she smiled, her voice softening again._

_His eyes closed again for a moment then re-opened, "Hey," he rasped, nuzzling his face against her shoulder and settling back in to sleep._

_Addison chuckled as she bumped her shoulder against his cheek, trying again to rouse him. "Derek. Wake up," she bounced her shoulder against him again._

"_Addison quit it," he growled gruffly rolling away from her and readjusting his pillow._

_Addison pressed herself against his back and wrapped an arm around his waist, sliding it up under the materiel of his t-shirt and teased her fingers across his chest. Lifting herself up on her elbow she kissed his neck and dragged her teeth over and around his ear._

"_Addison?" his voice was a bit clearer and more awake now._

"_Mmm?" she didn't pull away, but slid a hand up and pinched a nipple –– hard._

"_Ow," he jerked away and immediately turned over. He stared hard at her._

"_Hi," she said again moving closer, her hand again snaking around him, this time pinching his ass, "You aren't dreaming."_

"_Clearly. That hurt." He flushed, "You found me," he stated, sitting up slowly and rubbing his palms over his eyes._

"_I did." She said softly sitting up beside him, "It's my birthday."_

"_I know," he whispered back, glancing at her and giving her a small smile, "Happy birthday."_

"_So, I'm exempt," she leaned towards him suggestively._

_Derek smirked, slightly uncomfortably, "Birthday exemptions haven't always worked for us."_

"_Derek," she moved a bit closer and placed his hand on breast, "Trust me when I say we are exempt for tonight."_

"_You're naked."_

"_Yes," she grinned and leaned forward to kiss him._

"_How long before Adrienne told?"_

_Addison sighed and leaned back. She raised an eyebrow. His hand was softly kneading her breast so she assumed that he was at least somewhat interested in her. "She didn't. She doesn't know I'm here. I went down to the front desk and they gave me a key." She grinned, "So I snuck in, got naked, crawled in bed with you; and I've been nothing but disappointed ever since."_

"_This isn't why I suggested Adrienne bring you up here," he sat mesmerized by her chest, by her breast resting against his palm as his thumb sliding smoothly over the nipple, "I just had the extra room and wanted to do something for your birthday. I wasn't planning on letting you know I was here."_

"_Derek," Addison cut him off and slid into his lap facing him, she grabbed his other hand and placed it on her other breast. She sighed softly as he obediently massaged, it felt nice but wasn't the hot sweaty romp she had envisioned, "I'm naked. In your bed. And you really don't seem to care."_

"_I care, I just don't want you to think that I did anything because I was trying to influence you or seduce you or…" he tore his eyes away from her breast and looked her in the eye, "I just wanted you to have a good birthday."_

"_I'm trying to have a good birthday Derek. And you keep talking."_

"_I want to make sure that you are clear––"_

"_You wanted to give me a good birthday, but you didn't want me to know it was you. I know. Thank you." Addison smiled and leaned closer, "You're doing a whole lot of unnecessary talking Derek."_

_Derek's hands dropped from her breasts to her hips, "We are suppose to be taking time to figure out what we want, giving each other space," his hands skimmed over her back and she leaned in closer, "This isn't giving either of us space."_

"_I don't want space right now. It's my birthday and I want to spend it with you. With you with you. Not talking," she ground her hips into his pelvis._

"_Addison," his hands gripped her hips, mostly keeping her still, but also keeping her very close, "I don't want to mess this up."_

_Addison groaned and tugged at his t-shirt, "I'm telling you we are exempt," she successfully pulled the shirt over his head, "It's a freebie. It doesn't count."_

"_That's my point," his hands gripped her wrists and pressed them against her sides, "It should count. We're staying away from each other for a reason. If one of us decides that it's just not going to work then we shouldn't be doing this now, and if we do lean towards… us together, then we shouldn't be confusing things by having sex now when we aren't sure."_

_Addison stared into his eyes for a moment, "Okay, I definitely have to have sex with you now."_

"_Addison," Derek chuckled and moved back away from her and leaned against his pillows._

"_I'm sure," She spoke softly as she crawled closer, "I want us to be together," she kissed him gently and cupped his jaw in her hands, "And I really want to have sex with you."_

"_Addison..."_

"_I want to be with you," she told him softly, "I'll always want to be with you."_

"_You'll always want to have sex with me? Even when I'm old and grey."_

"_Well right now it means sex when your middle-age and greying," she teased running her fingers through his hair, "But really it means –– it means that I miss you when I'm not with you."_

"_I'm not middle-aged and greying."_

"_I don't care how old you are or what colour your hair is," she continued kissing him, "Because," she teased with a saucy grin, flicking her finger against the waistband of his boxers and letting them snap back against his skin,"It's my birthday."_

_Derek leaned away again and sighed, "Fine," he relented._

"_Really?" Addison smiled apprehensively, "I thought I'd have to fight you on that for at least another 2 or 3 minutes."_

"_It's your birthday."_

_XXXX_

"_I'm confused," Derek spoke softly against her collarbone, "I wasn't but now I am."_

_Addison lay her cheek against his shoulder and nuzzled her way into the groove of his neck. "Why?"_

_He bought some time dragging his lips across her chest, tasting her skin and inhaling her scent,"Not once did it feel wrong to be with you, it feels so right," he pulled her into him tighter, "But it was killing me to stay married to you."_

"_Our hearts and our heads are in different places," she said softly, closing her eyes, "My heart was always there, your head's still working on it."_

_XXXX_

"_Don't wake up," Derek whispered in her ear._

_Addison sighed sleepily, "I want to wake up."_

_Derek ran his fingers through her hair soothingly as he kisses her shoulder. Her breathing deepened and evened out again, "Are you going to stay asleep this time."_

_She gave him a barely perceptible nod._

"_Okay," he ran his hand down her arm and held her hand, "It's 5:23, " he whispered in her ear, " Which means that 40 years ago, from right now, maybe right this second, you were born and the world became a better place," he traced the pads of her fingers with his, "My world," he kissed the shell of her ear and she melted against him and sighed contentedly, "Became a better place," he kissed her temple and held her close to him, "And I can only imagine how dark and scary it was for the 4 minutes that it was just Adrienne."_

"_I love you too," she said finally, her voice lazy and drowsy._

_He chuckled, "I don't remember saying it first."_

"_It's what you meant."_

X

XX

XXX

XXXX

XXX

XX

X

"I have a bad feeling about today."

"Don't say that," Sydney groaned and spritzed herself with a fine mist of Evian water, "It's the hottest day of the summer."

"I just got this weird feeling…"

"I'm never having a baby in the summer again," Callie fanned herself furiously.

"You're 4 months pregnant," Sydney stated the obvious, "You just wait until Christmas when it's freezing and you need ice cream right this second and it's 50 below zero and you are to cold to eat it but you still brave the treacherously icy sidewalks, that you can't even see because you can't see your feet anymore, because you have too have it. That is worse then this. Did I mention you loose your sense of balance? 'Cause you loose your sense of balance."

Callie stared at her. "Addison…"

"Sydney. Stop it."

"Fine. Yes. This that you are experiencing right now is the worst that it will ever get."

"You're in a bad mood."

"Yeah," Addison eyed Sydney, "You are."

"I'm fine –– for now. What was this bad feeling?"

"Sydney! No! Right now? Are you kidding!"

"Don't worry about it."

"The wedding is at 4!"

"And we have a deal, so I won't bug you until 8. Okay?" She replied calmly, "I got a text from Mark. Derek is on the phone with Laura. Would that explain your bad feeling?" she fiddled with her phone, "She can come to the wedding if she wants. I don't care."

"Sydney––"

"What? She should be there. And I'm not really to worried about her stealing my date, so if she wants to come, she should come."

Callie stared at her blankly, "That's a really dumb idea."

"And yet, not my dumbest."

_X_

_XX_

_XXX_

_XXXX_

_XXX_

_XX_

_X_

_Derek knotted the robe around his waist and walked around the bed to sit at a small table by the window. Addison was still asleep, curled on her side with a sheet covering no more then a bit of thigh. He watched her breath evenly, her foot starting to tap as she slowly started to wake up. _

_Addison let her eyes flicker open at the sound of a soft slurp. Derek sat just feet away drinking coffee._

"_Morning," he greeted her softly._

_Addison blinked slowly and let her eyes drift down her body. Her mouth barely twitched in amusement, "Are you watching me as I sleep naked?"_

_Derek nodded and took another sip of coffee._

"_Okay," she yawned and drifted back to sleep._

_10 minutes later a knock came at the door. Not the main door, but the door between Derek's room and the one Addison was sharing with Adrienne._

"_Derek?" Adrienne called through the door, "Crazy question, but is my sister in there?"_

_Addison pulled up the sheet to cover herself but otherwise didn't move._

_Derk put down his coffee cup but didn't take his eyes off Addison, "Yeah, she's here."_

_Adrienne pushed open the door, "This was all his idea," she informed her sister, "I just wanted the massage and the room service charged to his credit card." She stared at Addison who had not moved an inch and was laying contentedly and lazily naked, though upside down and pillow-less, in bed, "What the hell did you do to her?" she asked Derek._

_He shrugged, still not looking away from Addison, but now with a slightly cocky grin on his face, "We talked."_

"_Ya, I find it easier to talk naked too," Adrienne nudged Addison's pajama's that were piled in the middle of the floor. "But listen, I need to get back to Seattle––"_

"_I can take her back this afternoon," Derek offered instantly. Addison gave him a small smile._

"_That okay with you?" Adrienne asked Addison as a formality._

_Addison nodded, her eyes trained on Derek._

"_Are you playing some sort of game where she can't talk? Or, ew, you don't have something in your mouth and you're waiting for me to leave so you can spit it out, do you? Don't be a prude Addy. Just swallow."_

_Addison laughed, "I'll see you tomorrow, Renny."_

_Adrienne winked at her sister as she closed the door between the rooms, "I was suppose to be the one having the hot sex this weekend. It's not fair." _

_Derek and Addison watched each other for a minute before she grinned and stretched as she sat up. Working out the kinks in her muscles as she moved and slide out of bed, taking his coffee out of his hand as she stood in front of him. She took a sip of the coffee, wincing at the bitterness. "That should mask the morning breath."_

_Derek chucked as she smiled at him slyly and leaned suggestively towards his chair. "Am I ever going to see you clothed?"_

_She smirked, "Probably not until we check out of here," she teased slowly tugging on the tie of his robe_

_XXXX_

_Derek shifted in his seat. He was scheduled to attended 3 more speeches before he checked out at 2. _

_Last time he checked Addison was sprawled out in bed, fast asleep, and very naked and sexy._

_He really didn't need to attend the last 3 speeches. There wasn't really much to do with spines that he didn't already know… or needed to know that he couldn't google at a later date._

_There were other spines on his mind. A particular spine. And the way it bended and arched––_

_He shifted in his seat again._

_He didn't even really need to hear the rest of this speech. _

_He stood and turned towards the door._

_He'd just read the transcript online._

_XXXX_

"_She took all my stuff," Addison whined._

"_I think she knocked once," Derek reflected, "And yelled, maybe––"_

"_Why didn't you say anything!"_

"_We were busy!"_

"_I have nothing to wear home, Derek," she pouted._

"_Wear something of mine."_

"_I hate your clothes. I want my pretty girly clothes with designer labels."_

"_This has a designer label," Derek tossed her a shirt and disappeared into the bathroom to retrieve his toothbrush._

_Addison turned the lightweight button up sweater around in her hands, smiling in spite of herself, "LL Bean is not a designer label."_

_XXXX_

"_Thank you." _

_Derek looked over at Addison and smiled before turning back to the road, "For what?"_

"_For a really really good birthday."_

"_Oh that," Derek attempted a nonchalaunt shrug "You're welcome."_

"_And I'm sorry I wrecked whatever surprise you had planned."_

"_Surprise?"_

"_Like breakfast or something. Why were you waiting until today to tell me you were here."_

_Derek sighed, "I didn't know if I was actually going to have… time to spend with you. I was playing it by ear," he rushed on before Addison could seeth and yell, "I just wanted you to have a good birthday even if I wasn't around."_

_Addison remained silent. _

"_You've had a rough year so far, with Geoff, living with Alex, moving, dealing with your sister… with us. I just wanted you to have a better birthday then I did."_

"_I'm sorry."_

"_For what? –– That? That wasn't your fault. If that was anyone's fault it was Alex's."_

"_What would Alex have to do with it?"_

"_He's friends with Meredith and he knew everything. He knew more then me."_

"_Alex wouldn't say anything to Meredith," Addison pointedly ignored his other implications, "We got caught because we were stupid and were fooling around in the hospital. We got caught because… I don't know how we got caught! But it was definitely more your fault then mine!"_

"_My fault? You were running around in your labcoat and lingerie, just your labcoat and lingerie!"_

_Addison pursed her lips together and turned away, "I'm not fighting with you."_

"_Fine. You just let me know when you are ready to tell me we were going to have a baby and I'll be ready to talk about it."_

_She remained silent._

"_That was ours. Not Geoffrey's. That baby was mine and yours and you never even thought to mention it to me!"_

"_I didn't know that Derek! What were the odds that it was yours? I was having sex with Geoffrey more then I was having sex with you," Addison bit her lip and tapped her finger anxiously, "And we'd never had any luck conceiving before."_

"_We never tried!"_

"_I tried!"_

"_You––" Derek cut himself off, attempting to hold back an onslaught of things he didn't want to yell at her, "You should have told me! It could have been different Addy! We would have figured it out! We always wanted kids."_

"_And you were having kids –– with Meredith."_

"_I wanted children with you! I always did. You know that!"_

"_How was I suppose to know! You left me for her! I just assumed that you'd want a family with her too."_

"_You think I'd pick one of my children over the other! I would never do that! You should have told me!"_

"_I didn't even know it was yours until it was to late! I had to do a paternity test just so I'd know who's baby I was carrying. Do you know what that feels like? I felt sick to my stomach every time I thought about it. I didn't even know who I conceived my own child with! What kind of mother was I going to be?"_

"_The kind that lets a man believe that her baby is his and leaves the real father clueless."_

"_You would have figured it out, Derek," Addison accused, "And Geoffrey would have been a good father to the baby. If you would stop being so self-righteous for 3 minutes you would see that I'm right!"_

"_You never gave me a choice, you made the decision for me. You cut me out of my child's life without giving it a second thought."_

"_I didn't know it was your baby Derek! What was I suppose to do? And Meredith's was definitely yours."_

"_But I wanted to be with you and you wouldn't let me."_

"_You did not."_

"_I did to!"_

"_You wanted to be with your child. You were just being stubborn."_

"_I could have been with you and still taken care of Meredith and her baby!"_

"_How can you say that! Knowing what happened! How can you say you would have stayed with me!"_

"_I would have!"_

"_You wouldn't! You never would have left Meredith. Even if I told you I was pregnant you would have convinced yourself that my baby was Geoffrey's!"_

"_I wanted to be with you. It wouldn't have mattered."_

"_Meredith needed you!"_

"_You needed me!"_

"_As it turns out, I didn't."_

"_It might have been different. If you weren't upset or stressed then maybe––"_

"_It wouldn't have made a difference Derek! You couldn't have stayed with me knowing that it wasn't our baby, knowing it was his. Having to share your child with Geoffrey like you shared me! You wouldn't do it!"_

"_I would have!"_

"_You wouldn't!"_

_They lapsed into silence._

"_You made the decision for me, Addison. That wasn't fair. I deserved to know my child."_

"_If I was still pregnant when I found out it was yours I would have told you."_

"_You should have told me anyway."_

"_Well I'm sorry. I didn't think you'd react to well to the idea that I could be having another mans baby."_

"_I could have handled it. I was aware you were with him."_

"_Could you have handled it if it was Mark's?" she asked dully, not caring anymore, "You were aware I slept with him too, would you have been able to handle it if I came to Seattle and told you I was having his baby."_

"_No," he replied through gritted teeth._

"_So why would I assume this was any different?"_

_Derek remained silent._

"_Why would I make you choose between me and your baby, when choosing you over mine was the hardest thing that I ever had to do."_

_Derek jerked the car over to the side of the road and slammed on the breaks. "What!?!"_

_Addison exhaled loudly but couldn't bring herself to continue breathing. She was defeated._

"_Were you…"_

"_You didn't sign the papers. What was I––"_

_Derek swung open his door and climbed out, slamming the car door shut behind him._

"_Derek," she climbed out after him, "Derek––"_

"_SHUT UP!" He spun around to face her, "SHUT UP! DO NOT–––" he shook with anger and stormed down the road._

"_Derek––" she protested weakly, "Derek–––" she cried out again, before collapsing in tears._

_XXXX_

_Knock Knock_

_Addison lifted her face from her arms and turned slowly towards the window. She wiped the tears frantically from her cheeks and slowly lowered the window._

"_Ma'am? Are you alright?"_

_Addison nodded her head furiously, blinking rapidly to hold back another onslaught of tears, "My… we just had a fight. He's walking it off."_

"_Well, you can't stay parked here. I suggested that you move on, pick him up and continue this once you get home."_

_Addison nodded, "Yes. Thank you officer." She closed her eyes and took a few calming breaths before climbing out of the car and walking around to the other side, ignoring the officer in his car –– clearly watching her to make sure his directions were followed._

_She slid the car into gear and crept back on to the road. She didn't know how long she had cried, she didn't know how long he had been walking, she didn't know how long it would take her to find him._

_But it was only 5 minutes before she found him sitting under a tree at the side of the road. He didn't look up, and she didn't get out of the car. Slowly he rose to his feet and climbed into the car._

_He didn't say a word._

_They drove back to Seattle in silence._

X

XX

XXX

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XXX

XX

X

"What are you doing here?"

Derek opened his eyes slowly, then smiled at Addison standing at the bedroom door. "Resting. You look beautiful."

She didn't smile, but stepped into the room and sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Are you sure about this?"

"Positive," he reached over and took her hand, she didn't react to his touch at all.

"I don't think we're ready."

"We're ready."

"What if––"

"Addy," he silenced her, "It's going to be okay. I promise."

She sighed and lay down beside him, their hands still clasped together, "I'm just not sure about this."

"It's up to you," he assured her, "We don't have to do anything that you aren't ready for."

"I'm not ready for any of this."

"Yes, you are."

She chuckled humourlessly, "I'm really not."

He squeezed her hand.

She smiled weakly, "Can we skip the wedding and just stay here?"

"Whatever you want," he rolled towards her and flashed her his most charming grin.

Her eyes misted over and she turned towards him, their hands clasped together, "I don't want you to leave me."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Did they just break up?

Like not in the present time, but in the past? Did they just break up?

Oh. And I totally just moved so hopefully the change in location will help with my chronic writers block. At the very least I can use writing as procrastination to avoid unpacking.

On the next _**Be Be Your Love: Ever Present Past**__ - The aftermath of Addek's fight brings Addison and Callie closer together, but brings Addison and Meredith to blows. In the present wedding preparations continue to go smoothly until Addison runs into an ex..._

Review please!


	5. Take On Me

Okay, I seem to be doing this once a month updating thing and it kinda freaken sucks. My goal was actually to have the entire fic finished buy tomorrow. Clearly that will need to be revised. I don't even know when the last time I updated was. Well since the last time I updated I got a new job, we we are going to blame at least part of my lameness on that.

We are going to blame the other part on the bunnies. Yes. The bunnies. They aren't just cute like everybody supposes, they've got them hoppy legs and twitchy little noses. And what's with all the carrots? What do they need such good eyesight for anyway?

Who gets that?

No?

No one.

Just read the fic then.

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_The hospital was abuzz. The staff was distracted and antsy, excited and more then a little bit petrified._

"_What are you doing here?"_

"_Waiting for Richard."_

"_What's he doing?"_

"_Hiding," Addison turned her head to look at Sydney –– Meredith and Callie were both standing a few feet away, obviously waiting for something too. Addison had been ignoring them for awhile now –– "What are you doing?"_

"_Waiting for Richard."_

"_Same reason I am?"_

"_Yup," Sydney nodded at Meredith and Callie "And those two?"_

"_Same thing I would assume," Addison watched Mark approach, then pause to charm Meredith and Callie, "And Mark?"_

"_Probably the same," Sydney made herself comfortable as she leaned against the wall and pulled a hand held 'Yahtzee' game out of her pocket, "Aren't you on the board for noon?"_

_Addison glanced at her watch, it was 10 to 12. "I'm not leaving until I get an answer."_

"_Where is he?" Bailey strode over and planted herself in the midst of the group, "I want answers and I want them now."_

"_He's in there," Meredith pointed, "He's been in there for an hour."_

"_And you've just been standing here waiting? Not saving lives? 5 of the brightest surgical minds in the country are…" She looked around at the assembled group, "What __**are**__ you doing?"_

"_Yahtzee."_

"_Cats Cradle."_

"_Reading Vogue."_

"_I just saw 4 women standing around…" Mark shrugged._

"_Liar," Sydney accused him._

"_Fine. I like the jacket––"_

"_You look hot in the jacket," she agreed, "You don't even notice the gray's in your hair."_

"_Woman––"_

"_RICHARD!" Bailey banged on the door, "Chief! Get your yellow belly-cowardly-namby-pamby-'fraidy-cat self out here and tell these people what they want to know!"_

_Out of nowhere 10 more loitering hospital staff appeared._

_The door opened slowly. Richard exited meekly. "I don't know."_

"_Did you ask?" Callie demanded, an abandoned game of cat cradle dangling from her fingers._

"_He's hard to get a hold of today."_

"_Try again," Addison demanded icily._

_Richard looked around at his assembling and increasingly hostile staff, "I can try," Richard agreed reluctantly. "But he's very busy."_

"_I left an hour ago," Mark offered, "He had one more appointment and then he was taking lunch."_

"_So he's free," Meredith handed him her ever present cell phone and crossed her arms._

_Richard took the phone as if it was a ticking time bomb, "I don't have the numb––"_

"_555-4213," Someone in the back rhymed off._

"_Right," Richard shifted awkwardly, "Thank you." He dialed slowly, allowing time for a reprieve and held the phone gingerly as it rang, "Hello? Hello. This is Richard Webber––" he paled, "Yes. At 1. I am not! I am… burley. No, I –– Yes. Of course–– I was calling too –– I can get someone to bring that right over. Yes. –– No, my staff was just wondering… –– Yes. Thank you. Of course. We are honoured that… hello? Hello?"_

"_So," Addison demanded._

"_You can keep the clothes," he raised his voice, "You can __**all **__keep the clothes, okay! Get back to work," he turned and retreated back into his sanctuary, mumbling his hatred for this man, Osiris, a Seattle based fashion designer, who'd basically just called him fat._

"_You heard the man," Bailey turned back to the crowd –– secretly pleased with the outcome of Richard's call, "Get back to work!" _

_But everyone was already gone._

XX

XXXX

XX

_Addison stepped smartly into the Penthouse suite and stopped short._

"_Mooooo," Someone from the back of the suite yelled, "The models, they are __**fat**__!"_

_Addison considered backing herself right on back out the door._

"_Zerooosss," the yelling continued, "This dress was designed for a size__** zerooosss**__. I could __**prehaps maybe squeeeeeeze**__ it around a two, but not a four. Never a __**four**__! You got fat! You stay where you are, you can model with the other plus size __**cows**__!"_

"_Plus size? Oh, he better not be talking about us," Callie stepped up behind her, "Excuse __**me**__ for having curves."_

"_And breasts," Addison crossed her arms over her chest, "Apparently 6 is the new 18."_

_Seconds later, Cristina and Meredith stepped out of the main room wearing floor length gowns –– Cristina's flowed out around her, Meredith skin tight gown was noticeably tight around her chest and the zipper strained against her side –– surprisingly Meredith was laughing, a smile on her face._

_Cristina looked at Callie and shook her head, "Good luck."_

_X_

_XX_

_XXX_

_XXXX_

_XXX_

_XX_

_X_

Callie looked in her mirror, turned to the side and examined her profile, "How come you get the black dress?"

Sydney reclined awkwardly in her chair and stretched out her legs, "Because it's slimming," she ran her fingers through the curls of the little girl napping across her lap.

"I look like a whale," Callie tugged at the sash of her dress.

"Get over yourself," Sydney rolled her eyes, "You're barely pregnant and you're glowing. Everyone hates you right now."

Callie scoffed, "I'm going to hang out with the guys."

"Yeah," Sydney agreed, "Ask them if they think you look fat."

"I like Mark better then you."

"I like Mark better then you too."

"You're grumpy today."

"Only every 10 minutes or so."

"I'm here," Addison almost tumbled through the door carrying her dress and all the flower girl dresses with all the women's flowers in a box held precariously under her left arm. Bea, Roxie and Lola trailed behind her carrying her purse and all her make up and hair products –– it took both twins to carry the 'in case of emergency' make up and hair supply kit.

"Mom. I want to wear the purple dress."

"Roxana, you wear red. You always wear red," Sydney explained, her patience thin.

"But whyyyyy."

"Because that's how I know which one you are."

"Mooooom."

"I'll wear the red dress," Bea offered diplomatically.

"Mine's yellow," Lola added, "But you can't wear it."

"I don't want to wear your stupid yellow dress."

"My dress isn't stupid. You're stupid."

"Mommy, I haveta potty."

"I can wear the red dress. I like red."

"No!"

"Mommy! Roxie hit me!"

"No, I didn't!"

"Hey," Sydney rose slowly to her feet, lording above them all to get their attention, "Everyone is wearing their assigned colours and they are going to like it. It's a very little _tiny_ bit of colour so people don't get the idea that just because your dresses are white you're angles. You're terrors, every last one of you. You've had these colours since you were born and if we change them now Mommy is going to go a little bit insane. Beatrix is wearing the purple sash, but thank you for offering honey, and Roxana is wearing the red one, just like always. Now," she took her youngest by the hand, "We are going to the potty. When I get back everyone better be over this colour thing," she glanced at Callie, "That goes for you too."

"Mommyyy ––" came a soft whine.

Sydney looked down at the smallest of her brood, "Yes, sweet, darling, quiet, well-behaved daughter."

"Can I potty now, pwease?"

X

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XXX

XXXX

XXX

XX

X

_Derek didn't know what to do. Their relationship was strained. It had been months since their ill-fated weekend away for her birthday, and although they had continued on, they'd never really talked about it. He had continued to take her on dates, and they enjoyed themselves, but the relationship was in a stalemate. She never invited him in and he never asked._

_They were fizzling out._

_His phone rang._

_He didn't even look at the caller ID, "Hey. What's the plan?"_

"_Can you meet me afterwards? In the lobby?" Addison asked, "I think I'm going to have to go straight from the OR to hair and make up."_

"_I could bring you a sandwich beforehand," he offered, playing with his pen._

"_I can't eat!" She exclaimed, "He yelled at Meredith for being __**fat**__."_

"_Meredith?"_

"_I __**know**__! I can't eat," Addison spun in her chair and twirled the phone card, "But you can bring me flowers in the lobby after the show."_

"_In front of people?"_

_Addison was slightly taken aback, "Derek…"_

"_No I'm just surprised that you'd want to… you don't usually want people to know that we're… you know…"_

"_Together?"_

"_Yeah." Derek agreed, either ignoring or unaware of the hurt in her voice, "But if you want me to meet you with flowers I'll meet you with flowers."_

"_And the sandwich?" she asked softly._

_Derek chuckled, "If that's what you want."_

"_I think I'll be pretty hungry by then."_

"_Then maybe a milkshake too?"_

"_Mmm, __**yes**__ please."_

"_Okay," Derek smiled into the phone, "I'll see you then."_

XX

XXXX

XX

_It was 2 hours until the Seattle Grace Fashion Show to build a new Pediatric wing . Addison's hair was done, her make up was done, she'd even done her nails. She wasn't feeling rushed, in fact she was feeling bored. She was trapped in a room of women and no one was talking to her. Everyone was dressing and primping and laughing with friends. She had very few friends in the show. Bailey wasn't there yet, she was pulled into a last minutes surgery, Sydney was busy wrangling her twins who were a part of the show too, and that was about it as far as Addison's female friends went. She tapped her fingers and wondered where the guy's were getting dressed, maybe Alex would entertain her._

"_I have your dress," Callie walked through the door with garment bags flung over her shoulder, "Osiris was still doing Meredith's alterations when I left. He seemed to have discovered sequins since this afternoon." She disappeared into one of the bathroom stalls with her outfit leaving Addison alone with hers._

_She might as well get dressed._

_3 minutes later Addison was starting to wonder if not eating had somehow made her entire body swell up._

"_Um, Addison?" Callie called from her stall, "Is your outfit a little…"_

"_Tight?" Addison supplied, stepping out so she could survey herself in the mirror, "Yup."_

_Callie stepped out too, "The pants still fit," She turned to examine her ass in the mirror, "But this top wasn't this tight this morning," she adjusted the collar of her white blouse, "And it's missing buttons." She attempted to cover her cleavage –– it was difficult since the buttons didn't start until her navel._

"_Was that bra always sequined?"_

"_No," Callie scoffed, "It also didn't used to push everything up so much," She glanced at Addison, "You look like a hooker."_

"_Yeah," Addison agreed turning back to her own reflection. Her red dress had always been on the provocative side –– she'd liked that about it –– but the hemline was now a good 6 inches higher and the draping cowl neck was obviously lower and more open. She was showing a lot of skin, "I need some double sided tape or the whole audience is going to see my breasts."_

"_Haven't most of them already?"_

_Addison squared her shoulders, "We are going to need higher heels and bigger hair."_

"_And more eyeliner."_

"_Definitely, more eyeliner," Addison smiled tentatively at Callie who smiled back._

_They lapsed into silence for a few moments as they awkwardly picked at their clothing._

"_How's Derek," Callie finally asked, abet reluctantly._

"_He's fine," Addison fidgeted, "He likes Mercy." She finally crossed her arms over her chest to keep everything contained, "How's Geoffrey?"_

"_Fine," Callie replied shortly, "Why?"_

"_Is he coming?"_

_Callie was silent, her eyes narrowing._

"_I'm okay with it," Addison shrugged, "Not that you care. Obviously. I'm just asking if he's coming since you're … with him."_

"_How did you know –– I wasn't sleeping with him when you were with him!"_

"_I know."_

"_But we were friends, and he was heart broken and ––"_

"_I know. Callie. It's fine. It bothered me when I first realized, but I don't care anymore. I was a bitchy friend when I started dating him when you had feelings… I never should have let you lie to him, and I shouldn't have stayed with him. You're better for him. I'm fine with it."_

"_Really?"_

"_More or less."_

"_Okay," Callie took a step closer, "And yeah, you were a pretty bitchy friend."_

"_Sorry."_

"_I know."_

_XXXX_

"_Chocolate or Strawberry?"_

"_I don't think you should come," Addison whispered from the corner of the hotels shampoo supply closet._

"_What? Why?"_

"_Because I'm almost friends with Callie again and I don't want people to see us together and get bitter and angry and then everyone hate me again."_

"_So I can't go to the fashion show that I paid $300 for a ticket too because you don't want people to hate you?"_

"_Derek!"_

"_I hate when you get insecure like this Addison."_

"_I'm not… Derek! I lost all my friends __**again **__because of you. Now my favorite out of all those friends is talking to me again, actually talking, as in having a conversation and joking around and laughing with me, and I want to keep her this time. I'm not going to loose Callie again."_

"_Fine," Derek snapped, "I'll call you sometime."_

"_Derek!"_

_But he'd hung up. _

_It felt like a break up._

X

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XXX

XXXX

XXX

XX

X

"LOLA!" Addison stepped into the hall, a yellow sash and a green one in her hand. She heard a thud around the corner and moved instinctively towards it.

She stepped into the chapel –– a conspicuously empty chapel and looked around.

"Prue…" Addison stepped towards the little girl standing in the middle of the room, her thumb in her mouth and her blue eyes wide and innocent, "Are you all alone in here?" Addison picked her up and sat in the front pew settling her on her lap, "I thought you were with Daddy? Where did everyone go?" she cuddled her a moment then sat her up straight to tie a green sash around Prue's tiny 3 year old tummy, "Were you playing with Lola?"

She shook her head, "I pway wif Cade," she replied softly, barely above a whisper.

"You were playing with Cade. I see. And was Cade playing with Lola?"

Prue sucked harder on her thumb and tucked her head of thick unruly brunette curls into Addison's side.

"You're my quiet little angel aren't you. And you look so pretty, all ready for Mommy and Daddy's wedding."

That's when Addison heard it.

The rustle of a flower girl's dress.

"Lola?" Addison stood and shifted Prue to her hip. She heard no reply, but more rustling. "Where are they?" she asked Prue.

Prue just cuddled.

Addison surveyed the room, then set Prue back on the pew and dropped to her knees. She peered under the row of pews and groaned. "Get out here," she ordered, ready to pull out the full names if necessary. It was necessary, "Lola Heron Sloan and Cade Ezekiel Grey, _what_ in heavens name are you doing?"

"Racing," Lola spoke slowly as she crawled out, "I was winning."

Cade, wisely, remained silent.

"You were racing. On your belly's, on the dirty floor 45 minutes before the wedding?" she started brushing both children off roughly, not getting very fair with Lola's white dress. She sighed and stood, she shook her head as she took in the two rumpled children, then lifted a still pristine Prue into her arms, "Let's go find your mothers."

The second she stepped outside the door she ran into Meredith Grey.

"Loose something?" Addison asked holding up Cade's hand in her own before transferring him over to his mother.

"The men were suppose to be watching him."

"Well he was with the girls. He and Lola were racing under the pews."

"Cade!" Meredith admonished.

"Weddings are boring," he whined.

Meredith ignored him, "Sorry," she apologized to Addison.

"I don't care. He just needs to be clean for the processional."

"Puth me down," Prue wriggled in Addison's arms, "I wanna pway wif Cade."

Addison transfered Prue into a football hold under her arm and grabbed Lola's hand, "45 minutes," she reminded everyone.

"Caaaaaaaaade," Prue cried.

Addison headed back towards the dressing rooms.

"It was Cade's idea," Lola protested, tripping as she tried to keep up with Addison's brisk strides, "He was following me around. I said if he beat me he had to go away––"

"_Caaaaaaaaaaaaade._"

"Prudence!"

"He was bugging me!"

"Sydney!" Addison exclaimed bursting into the brides dressing room, "We need to dust buster Lola."

"_CAAAAAAAAAADE_!

"What is with you girls today," she looked from Lola to the twins, Roxie's eyes bloodshot from crying over the dress she absolutely hated and Bea rubbing her head where her ponytail was pulling to tight, "Whining, pouting, dirty, crying and _kicking_," she rested her hand on her tummy, "Give me a _break_. All I wanted was well-behaved children for _one day! One day_ is all I asked for and if you don't start _behaving_ like the darling children that people are foolish enough to think that you are, I'm going to give you all _away! Is that CLEAR?_"

X

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_Cat calls._

_The music was loud. The lights were flashing. And the second that Addison Montgomery stepped out on the runway the cat calls started._

_She looked hot. And she was strutting like her life depended on it._

_She'd only gone 10 feet when she spotted Geoffrey. He smiled at her, and clapped along with the rest of the audience, and then she was past him and couldn't see him anymore._

_Then she saw Derek. Sitting dead center at the end of runway right were anyone could see him, he appeared relaxed, at ease, and proud of her. He grinned and winked at her._

_She flushed and tried her hardest not to grin at him, but glanced over her shoulder at him as she turned. She could feel all the eyes shift off of her when Callie started down the runway, but not Derek's. She turned for him again and winked this time, knowing that no one was actually watching them, then started back up the runway, swaying her hips –– just for him. _

_Callie and Addison met in the middle, "Sultry," Callie declared, doing a impromptu half turn, nodding at Addison to do the same, "Come hither boys," she laughed, giving Addison a high five before continuing on her promenade down the lit up stage._

_Addison practically floated off stage._

_X_

_XX_

_XXX_

_XXXX_

_XXX_

_XX_

_X_

Addison stepped through the door, closing it softly behind her, turned –– and ran directly into someone's chest, "Oh!"

"Sorry, I'm so… Addison!"

Addison pressed a hand to her chest and took a calming breath, "Geoffrey."

"Sorry," he apologized, resting a hand on her arm to steady her, "I was just looking for Callie –– I got a 911 txt telling me she was starving."

"She's inside," Addison nodded to the room behind her, awkwardly, "I have to go find ––"

"––How are you," Geoffrey abruptly.

"Good. Good," Addison replied quickly, distracted but not wanting to be rude, "How are the girls?"

"Good. Ali's in New York––"

"Yeah, I spoke to her a few days ago."

"Right. Right, she mentioned that. She's there. And Daisy… well Daisy is 13 and disgusted that her step-mother is having a baby."

"Really? I thought she wanted a baby brother or baby sister."

"Yeah. That was when she was 6 and didn't know where babies came from."

"Oh."

"How's Derek?"

"He's fine. No, he's good," Addison smiled, tucking her hair behind her ear nervously.

"How's his health? Callie told me he––"

"No. He's fine," Addison insisted, "It's just a side effect of the… whatever–– he's fine."

"It's his heart, isn't it?" Geoff asked softly.

"Yeah. He had an attack years ago––"

"I remember. Raquetball, wasn't it?"

"No," Addison countered softly, the conversation was getting awkward and she just wanted to go, "We just… Mark told Meredith that, and then…"

"But you were with him when it happened," Geoffrey nodded, "It doesn't matter anymore."

"I guess not," Addison nodded and continued, "He was fine until this past year. He's been under a lot of pressure, with Mark and his sister, work –– with me…. but he'll be fine," she said, more to assure herself then anything else. "He's going in for some treatment on Monday and I'm sure that will head things off. He'll be fine," she closed her eyes, "He'll be fine..."

"Addison," Geoffrey took a step towards her and lowered his voice, "If you ever … need anything, you can call my cell and ––"

She looked away hesitantly.

"–– if you want to talk," he reached out and touched her hand, "We're still friends right?"

"Right," she whispered breathlessly.

He squeezed her fingers gently, their hands swaying gently between them.

"Callie's probably wondering wondering where her food is," Addison spoke quietly, extracting her hand and stepping away.

"If you need me," he told her, his hand on the doorknob, "I'm always right here."

Addison nodded and turned away.

"And Addy––"

She paused but didn't turn around.

"–– You look beautiful. White's your colour."

X

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X

"_Are you going to the after party?" Callie asked as she practically shook with giddiness, "We were epic tonight. Did you hear the guys? They loved us!"_

_Addison grinned._

"_I am so getting laid tonight," Callie declared._

_Addison bit the inside of her cheek._

"_You will to, obviously."_

_Addison's eyebrow shot up, "Obviously?"_

_Callie's jaw dropped, "Uhh, what?" she evaded._

"_You said 'obviously'."_

"_I did?"_

"_You said obviously I was going to get laid."_

"_No, I didn't."_

_Addison crossed her arms protectively around herself, "I hate that people think that."_

_Callie scrunched her nose up._

"_Do people think we just go at it all night then go to work during the day?"_

"_Some people think you go out to dinner once in awhile," Callie attempted to joke, then sighed, "I don't know what you expect people to think, Addison. You seemed happy with Geoff, you were planning a wedding, and then it turned out you had been sleeping with Derek for a year. Luckily no one that knows the whole story is talking about it," Callie raised an eyebrow pointedly at Addison, "People can make excuses for Derek, he lost a child, Meredith wasn't all that stable for awhile, but you…"_

"_Once a cheater always a cheater," Addison supplied. "Does it count for anything that we're still together? That we cheated, but it was with each other? Does it mean anything to anyone that we weren't always cheaters, that we loved each other? We were married and we had a life together and we were happy together long before we knew any of you?"_

_Callie looked away._

"_No. Of course it doesn't," Addison seethed, "But it means something to us," she picked up her purse and flung open the door, "And he cheated on me too. I thought you of all people would've remembered __**that**__."_

XXXX

_She was relieved he wasn't waiting in the lobby. She didn't want people looking at them and speculating on their relationship. She'd never wanted that, and maybe she'd made the wrong decision by hiding away from them, but she hated the idea that her co-workers spent more time gossiping about her then appreciating her skills as a doctor. _

_In the back of her mind she'd harboured a desire to walk into the party with him, make a their grand entrance as a couple. Their relationship wasn't perfect, far from it, but she wanted people to see them together and be happy for them. Clearly she was delusional, that was never going to happen._

_She slipped through the door, unnoticed. She scanned the room, didn't immediately see Derek, so she checked her coat and ducked her head as she pushed through the crowd to the area where Alex usually sat._

_She should have watched where she was going, the SGH staff was loud and boisterous and she was being pushed and elbowed from every side. She stumbled sideways, bumping hard into someone's shoulder and upsetting their drink all over her._

"_I'm sorry," Addison muttered automatically, she brushed off the front of her shirt and mentally pictured what alcohol would do to the fabric._

"_Don't worry. It's water," Meredith handed her some napkins, smiling all the while, "You looked great tonight."_

"_Thanks," Addison finally met her eye, still brushing off her shirt, "You looked good too."_

"_Yeah, once they made my dress bigger."_

_Addison gave Meredith the once over, "You looked fantastic."_

"_Thanks," Meredith grinned "Derek is over there," she nodded, "In the back by the corner of the bar."_

_Addison's eyebrow shot up, "Why am I not surprised that you know exactly where he is."_

"_You know," Meredith shook her head in disbelief, "I am so sick of pretending to get along with you. I saw him come in, he's over there. I didn't even talk to him."_

_Addison was astounded, "You're sick of getting along with me? I find that hard to––"_

"_You're surprised that I'm sick of acknowledging how kind you are, and how talented you are, how smart you are, and how god damn gorgeous you are everyday of my life for the last 5 years?"_

_Addison smirked._

"_I'm not complementing you," Meredith voice remained even, "You're a selfish, conceited––"_

"_Oh I'm conceited?"_

"_Spoiled, self-centered who––"_

"_Do NOT call me a––"_

"_You slept with the father of my child!"_

"_You never should have been the one to have his baby."_

_Addison's head snapped to the side and everyone around them froze. Meredith hand had flown through the air so fast that Addison didn't realize what was happening until Meredith's palm connected with her cheek._

_She slowly turned to face Meredith again, "Feel better?"_

"_A little."_

"_You want to try again?" Addison challenged setting her jaw and taking a step forward._

"_You know he loves me."_

_Addison flinched._

_Meredith stepped closer, "You always made me feel so small and naive. Like I didn't know what I was getting myself into cause you were the only one who could ever understand the complexity that is Derek Shepherd."_

_A small smile quirked across Addison's lips. _

"_But you aren't complex, you two are the most juvenile people I have ever met! Grow up! __**I've**__ got my life pulled together more then you do."_

"_Is that right?" Addison scoffed, "Because far as I know you aren't seeing anyone, and I'd say you're what? 12 weeks along? Do you even know who the father of your baby is?"_

"_Of course," Meredith looked her straight in the eye, not denying anything, "What kind of mother doesn't know who the father of her own child is?"_

_Addison lifted her chin defiantly, "So you got his name this time?"_

_Meredith rose to the insult, "Doesn't it kill you that your husband left you for the twenty-something he met in a bar and didn't even exchange __**names**__ with?"_

"_Do you think that you're the first girl that Derek picked up at a bar after I slept with his best friend?" Addison said evenly._

_Meredith narrowed her eyes._

"_It took him 12 days to make it from New York to Seattle. And you think you're the first one?"_

"_He said…"_

"_He said?" Addison chuckled menacingly, "He'd say anything. There is a reason that he and Mark are best friends, there is a reason Derek forgave him. They're exactly alike."_

_Meredith shook her head smugly, "Maybe. But he still crossed the entire country to get away from you."_

"_Right," Addison said slowly, "He drove all the way to Seattle, to get away from me. All the way to Seattle, with Richard," she paused, "Richard who adores me and would much rather have me working for him then Derek. Richard who would hire Derek in the hopes of getting me. Richard who knows that Derek and I work better together then apart. So if Derek was really trying to get away from me, he wouldn't have come to Seattle."_

_Meredith's jaw tensed._

"_Cute story huh?" Addison smiled, "And the moral? He didn't sleep with you to get over me; he slept with you to get back at me," she smirked and turned to leave, "And we all lived happily. Ever. After."_

_Addison and Meredith stood face to face._

"_You act like you're better then me," Meredith said softly, "But what you did to me was worse. I didn't know he was married, and when I did I stepped aside. And the one time that we had sex and I knew he was married to you, I felt bad. I felt so horrible about what I had done. You never felt bad. You just kept sleeping with him, planning nights at the trailer, inventing excuses, paging him when you knew he was with me. What you did was worse."_

_Addison scoffed._

"_You guy's aren't even together. Where is he? He doesn't even want to be seen with you."_

_For the first time Addison's facade faltered. She looked away, her shoulders falling and her head bowing a little lower every second. "I'm sorry Meredith," she looked up and her hardened exterior was back, "I was out of line. I apologize."_

_Meredith smirked, "Sure," she turned back to her friends._

"_Yeah, I accept your apology too," Addison muttered sarcastically, "And congratulations." She pushed through the small group of silent onlookers and went in search of Derek._

"_Derek," Addison weaved her way through the crowd and planted herself in front of Derek, "Kiss me."_

_Derek glanced at her, he was leaning stiffly against the bar his arms crossed tightly over his chest with a glass of scotch imprisoned in one hand, "What happened to your cheek?"_

"_I got hit. Kiss me."_

"_Someone hit you?" he stood up concern evident on his face and in his defensive stance._

"_Meredith slapped me. It hurt, but not as much as my pride, since you are just proving to her that we aren't working and that you don't even like me!"_

"_I like you," Derek relaxed slightly as a waiter pushed a platter of breads and dips towards him, "See, I ordered you dip."_

_Addison stared at the food._

"_I like you!" He smiled._

_She turned to him blankly._

"_I'm here aren't I?"_

"_Derek ––" She was interrupted by Richard speaking into a microphone to get their attention. She turned her back on Richard and lowered her voice, "Are you embarrassed to be seen with me?"_

"_What?" Derek dragged his attention away from Richard, "No!"_

"_It's understandable, I mean, I cheated on you. Are you worried that people think that we're weak and that we're only together because there is no one else? 'Cause that's not why I'm with you Derek. I want to be with you––"_

"_I want to be with you too."_

"_Okay," Addison brushed that off, "And I know I was kinda insane with all those rules and that we haven't really been… we don't even talk anymore, Derek. Not since we had that fight after my birthday and…" she lowered her voice to barely a whisper, "Derek we haven't had sex since we broke the rule that said we couldn't have sex."_

"_Why did Meredith hit you?"_

_Addison looked away for a second, "I said she shouldn't have been the one to have your baby."_

_Derek bowed his head, becoming very very still. Finally he looked up and there was something unreadable in his eyes, "Does it still hurt?" he asked as he brushed his knuckles tenderly over her cheek._

"_No," she lied._

_He nodded, "You should listen to Richard's speech," he told her, turning her to face Richard. He rested his hands on her shoulders for a long moment, watching the corners of her mouth turn up in a pleased smile,"I'm not embarrassed to be seen with you."_

_She leaned back slightly as he dropped his hand down her arm and lightly held her hand. "Hey," she tilted her head back slightly and turned towards him, he leaned closer, and she leaned her body softly against his, "Take me home," she smiled._

_He grinned, "'Kay."_

_He led her through the crowd, her hand clasped in his, weaving in and out of people and groups. He stopped at the coat check and asked for her coat first. He handed her each item one by one, holding her purse as she shrugged on her coat and tugged on her gloves._

"_Where do you think you are going with my Star, Shepherd?"_

_Derek ignored Richard for a moment, "Get your key's out," he told Addison as he handed her her purse and claimed his own jacket, "I've got to get her home Richard," he spoke up, "How else is she suppose to do the three surgeries you have her scheduled for tomorrow?"_

"_But this is our big night," Richard protested, still speaking into the mic, "This was her big night. She stole the show."_

"_Yeah. I saw what your designer had her stealing the show in."_

_Several people around them chuckled._

"_I was under the impression she would be wearing a dress in this show. An entire dress that doesn't need strategically place double-sided tape to keep her covered."_

_Addison hit him on the arm and the crowd laughed again._

_Richard gapped for a moment, "She gets to keep the dress you know," he recovered._

"_I know," Derek gave Richard a pointed look and look Addison's car key's from her outstretched hand. He zipped his jacket up and reached for Addison, his arm slipping around her shoulders to lead her out of the bar, "Night Richard." _

_Richard watched them leave the party together, distracted by how familiar it seemed, then turned back to the crowd and his speech._

XXXX

"_That was better then a kiss," Addison said softly as they walked down the road to her car."_

"_What was?"_

"_You. Acting like we leave together every night. And holding my hand so you didn't loose me in the crowd."_

"_Men were looking at you."_

_Addison smiled, "Were they?"_

"_Geoff was looking at you."_

"_Geoff? Really? I didn't even see him there."_

"_Well, he saw you."_

_Addison stopped, and smiled at Derek when he turned to look at her. She moved close to him and held the lapels of his jacket in her hands, "You don't have to worry about Geoff. I'm yours."_

"_Mine?"_

"_Yours." She affirmed. _

_Then she kissed him._

X

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X

Derek's phone rang shrilly, the ring tone was '_Pretty Woman_', "Add, whatever it is I think it's going to have to wait until after the wedding."

"The wedding's off."

"_What!?!_"

"It's ––" she disappeared from the line for a moment, "It's off. I have to go."

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So like I was trying to say up top before I got distracted by the bunny song from Buffy, I have a couple of ideas floating around in my head. I might start on before I finish this fic but only because it's a Christmas fic. So keep an eye out for that. I might post it under Kedda… I haven't decided yet. But it will be on under either Kedda or syd-monpeu, one of those names. But it's Addek at Christmas time. 'Cause I get all sappy and romantical at Christmas.

So. 1-2 chapters left.

Hit the button below to leave reviews AND predictions for what will happen next cause…. I want to know where your heads are.

_**MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!**_


	6. The Limit To Your Love

Sorry this took so long. The holidays kicked my ass. But I hope everyone enjoyed the season, and I hope you enjoy this chapter which cause me nothing but headaches. I'm not kidding. I wrote it, then I was lying in bed and I was like 'shit, I think I wrote that backwards' so I rewrote it, but then I liked them both and I didn't know what to do and I threw a large scale hissy fit before rewriting it again in a compromise between the first two versions.

Now, while you guys read I'm going off to finish writing my Christmas fic update, I only have the POV's left to write.

Go team!

Go read!

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"Let everyone stay at the reception." Derek instructed.

"You sure? I can get everyone out of here," Miranda offered.

"No. Let them stay. Dance. Everything is paid for. Let them eat cake," Derek ran his hand over his face, "I'm going to take the girls home. Get them settled. _Try_ to get them to go to sleep."

"It's going to be a long night."

"Yeah."

XXXX

"_It's across the street from a fire station."_

"_It's a luxury high rise," Derek argued in frustration._

"_The sirens will keep me up at night," Laura whined over the phone._

"_What about this one," Derek hit 'enter' to send her a link, "It's right on the harbour, it's a 4 story townhouse. There is even a condo association to mow the grass for you."_

"_To many stairs, won't work with Anna's wheelchair."_

"_She's going to be living in a dorm."_

"_She'll visit."_

"_It has an elevator."_

"_It's to close to the Ferries. I don't like the horns."_

"_Laura," Derek sighed and rubbed his hand over his eyes._

_Addison leaned over his shoulder and pointed to another listing further down the page._

"_What about a loft?"_

"_What kind of loft?"_

"_I don't know," he scanned the description, "Converted shoe factory."_

"_Will it smell like leather?"_

"_I don't know."_

"_It has lots of windows," Addison pointed out as she disappeared back into the kitchen._

"_It has lots of windows," Derek told his sister, "And it's right downtown."_

"_I can't sleep unless it's pitch black."_

"_You are being to picky."_

"_I want a house that I'm going to like Derek. I work to hard all day to be stressed out by my house."_

"_So you want no noise, no light, no stairs and no leather smell?"_

"_Yes. And nothing that needs repairs. Nothing that needs painting or new floors. But something with personality. But not a house thats all smushed in close to it's neighbors. And nothing to modern. And not to big. But not tiny either."_

"_Anything else?" Derek asked dryly._

"_Maybe a fireplace?"_

_Derek shook his head, "Talk to Addison," he instructed her, then passed the phone to Addison as she walked by._

"_Hi," Addison glared at Derek and passed him the bowl of popcorn that she felt was rude to eat while on the phone, "No luck house hunting?"_

"_Real estate in Seattle sucks," Laura whined, "So what are you doing at my brother's house at 10 o'clock on a work night?"_

"_Ummm… I'm not. I have a better internet connection and he's trying to help his sister find a house."_

"_Internet connection? Well that's better then, what was it that he used to tell Mom, oh, you had better water pressure."_

"_That was actually true."_

"_Uhuh."_

"_No really. I'm not saying he didn't spend the night before using the shower. But, I'm saying that the water pressure in his place sucked. It took me forever to get the shampoo out of my hair, I often needed assistance, which led to longer showers and he also had less hot water and his shower had nothing to hold on to."_

"_Ew. That's my little brother, Slut. Okay, I'm going to get ready for bed because it's 1am and I have a busy day of judging people in the morning and a flight to Seattle at noon."_

"_Okay. Call Mark tomorrow, I bet he'll know of some good places to buy."_

"_I already did, he's picking me up at the airport. Mom just said I had to call Derek and ask 'cause he's my brother and needs to feel needed."_

"_Well, he appreciates it. I'll let you say good night," she handed the phone back to Derek._

"_Hey," he muted the TV and leaned back on the couch, "It is. It stabler. Mine cuts in and out –– she did have better water pressure –– No. I'm actually heading home now –– Ok. Night Laura."_

_Addison smiled at him as he hung up the phone, "Do you want to stay over?"_

_He nodded, still relaxed on the couch._

"_Do you want to watch a movie?"_

_He nodded again and grabbed the DVD remote as she settled beside him and tucked her feet under her, "What movie's in there?"_

"_Still the one you rented last week," she tugged the blanket from the back of the couch and wrapped it around her shoulders, "I promise I'll stay awake this time."_

_Derek chuckled and pressed her bowl of popcorn into her lap, "I'll believe it when I see it."_

XXXX

_At 4:58 he reached over and turned off the alarm clock._

"_Mmmm," she rolled over and readjusted herself against him, "Don't go."_

"_I have to go home and get some clean clothes."_

"_I washed your clothes," she clung to him tighter._

"_I need work clothes," he kissed her forehead and detangled himself from her limbs and the sheets._

"_But I want you to stay," she muttered_

_He pulled the sheets up over her shoulders and tucked them under her chin, "You need to come home for supper tonight, okay?"_

"_Why?"_

"_Are you going to come home for supper?"_

"_Mmmhmmm."_

"_Okay," Derek chuckled, "Have a good day."_

"_Mmmm, don't go…" she yawned, then promptly fell asleep._

XXXX

"Do you wanna dance?"

Meredith smiled, "Sleeping baby," she nodded to the baby sleeping against her chest.

"Someone will watch her. Come on. You have to dance with me some time."

"I really don't."

Alex studied her carefully, "Okay I'll tell you what. I'll dance with her," Alex reached for Piper, "You go ask your son to dance."

"Okay," Meredith smiled at him uncertainly but crossed the dance floor to where Cade was colour, "Hey," she knelt down beside him, "You wanna dance with me?"

"Mooooooom. You're a girl."

"Oh," Meredith smiled to herself, "But, I'm your Mother, so do you really want to risk disobeying?"

"Moooooooooom."

"Come on," she stood and held out her hand, "Afterwards, you can have cake." She led him to the corner of the dance floor, "Okay, put one hand on my waist like that. And hold my other hand… and now we sway."

"You're to tall," Cade stared straight up at her.

"We could find you a girl your own height to dance with."

"Moooooooooom."

Meredith laughed and bent to pick him up, his legs wrapping around her waist. She ran her fingers through his dirty blond hair and swayed to the music.

Ten feet away Alex was doing the same, singing the lyrics to _You Are the Sunshine of My Life_ in his daughters ear as he swayed to the music. He smiled at Meredith. She watched them a moment, then smiled back.

XXXX

"_What are you doing here?"_

"_It's lunch time."_

"_I know," Addison smiled uncertainly, "Did we have plans?" she glanced at her watch, she was behind schedule._

"_Not really, I was just on my way to the market and wanted to know if you wanted chicken or pasta. Red or white wine. Salad?"_

"_What are you doing here?" Mark appeared behind Addison, munching on a banana._

"_I think he's sick," Addison eyed Derek suspiciously._

"_Oh yeah?" Mark raised an eyebrow at Derek, "Oh. Right. __**Sick**__."_

"_Don't you have something to be doing?" Derek asked his friend pointedly._

"_Yeah," Mark grinned, "I have to pick your sister up at the airport."_

_Before he could reply Derek's phone rang and his eyes darted to Addison for a moment before he ducked into a nearby alcove._

"_What is––"_

"_If you see my wife," Mark interrupted with a grin, tucking the remaining half of his banana into her hand, "Tell her I'm not avoiding her, I'm taking Laura house hunting and then I'll pick up the twins at pre-school and the baby from the sitters and I'll be back to get her at 6."_

"_Do I look like your secretary?"_

"_I wish," Mark eyed her with a smirk, "To someday be that lucky."_

"_Mark!"_

"_Gotta run, you and Derek have fun."_

"_What's he got planned?"_

"_I don't know," Mark lied, stepping into the waiting elevator, "I'll tell Laura you said hi."_

"_Hey," Derek stepped back into the hall, he ran his hands down her arms and rested them at her elbows, "Do you think you can be home by 3?"_

"_What's going on?" Addison asked uncertainly, concern was clearly written on her face._

"_Nothing," he smiled, "Just be at your place at 3."_

"_I don't like surprises Derek," her eyes pleaded with him to tell her what was going on._

"_You'll like this one," he assured her, "I promise," he leaned forward to kiss her goodbye, smirking when she instinctively turned her head so he could kiss her cheek. He remained leaning close to her but softened his voice, "I'm making supper for you and all I get is a kiss on the cheek?"_

_She smiled, and turned her face to look at him, "Just a small one," she murmured before laying a soft peck on the corner of his lips, then stepped away, "I want chicken."_

XXXX

_Addison checked her watch yet again. It was 2:30. She had just enough time to go over the lab reports she'd ordered that morning before leaving to meet Derek._

"_Addison," Sydney leaned on the counter next to Addison, "I need a consult."_

"_I'm leaving for the day. How critical is it?"_

"_It's more personal," Sydney looked away, uncharacteristically evasive. _

"_Personal," Addison repeated, her tone brisk and business like, "Is it something that we can talk about tomorrow? Or is this an urgent personal consult?"_

"_It can't wait until tomorrow. It's personal and critical and medical."_

"_The whole trinity," Addison forced a smile to put Sydney at ease, "Guess that means we don't want a chart."_

XXXX

"_Sydney," Addison spoke calmly, "A little bit of spotting is nothing to be worried about."_

"_Okay," she watched Addison apprehensively._

"_How far along do you think you are?"_

"_About 10 weeks."_

"_Okay," Addison nodded, she squirted some gel on Sydney's stomach, "Lets check this out." _

_Sydney held her breath, "I don't see anything," she whispered._

"_Hold on," Addison stalled._

"_Addison…"_

"_Sydney. They are really hard to find when they are this small."_

"_Not for you," Sydney's eyes darted back and forth over the screen, "I can see… but there isn't…"_

"_I'm sorry Syd."_

_Syd didn't move._

"_Syd," Addison turned off the ultrasound screen, "You have 3 beautiful daughters."_

"_I know."_

"_And sometimes nature just pushes us to give our bodies a break. Your body needs to rest after you have a baby. Take some time to enjoy Lola."_

"_But I'm getting old."_

"_You're only 34 Syd. And you already have 3 kids."_

"_We want a boy," tears spilled down Sydney's cheeks, "We've been so lucky with the girls, but there are so many things that can go wrong the longer that you wait. And what if we wait to long. What if something happens and we can't… Mark wants a boy so badly. It just feels like our family isn't done yet."_

"_You have time," Addison assured her, "But as your doctor, I just think you need to listen to your body and take a break."_

"_For how long?"_

"_Wait until Lola can sit up on her own, okay," Addison smiled at Sydney's determination to procreate, "I'm going to make an appointment for next week, I'll fit you with an IUD and we'll take it out in a few months when you are ready to try again okay?"_

"_This is going to kill Mark," Sydney wiped the tears off her cheeks._

"_Do you want to call him?"_

"_No," Sydney shook her head, "He's with Laura. Let him enjoy his afternoon," she sighed, "Hey. Aren't you suppose to be with Derek getting your surprise?"_

"_Does everyone know about this except for me?"_

"_I'm his confidant, he had to tell me, then I had to talk him out of it and tell him to do this instead," she teared up, "You're going to love it."_

XXXX

"Which one?"

"That one."

"The one with the big flower?"

"It has the most icing," Cade explained.

"And a bright pink flower," Alex teased.

"And sprinkles."

"Okay, little man." Alex went to reach for the piece of cake, "Are you sure you want the one with the bright pink flower."

"Alex…"

"Okay," but the piece of cake was suddenly not within his reach, "Hey, buddy. That was my cake."

"Sorry, man, but my girlfriend wanted a flower."

"Your girlfriend? Izzie Stevens? You aren't going to win Izzie over with cake. Trust me. Give my kid his cake back."

"The kid can have a different piece of cake."

"He doesn't want a different piece. He picked that one. He's just a little kid."

"Dude. Back off."

"Give my kid his cake."

The two men stared each other down.

"Fine man. Whatever." He dropped the cake back on the table and left.

"There you go buddy," Alex picked up the cake and handed it to Cade, along with a fork and a napkin.

Cade stared at him wide eyed.

"Let's go find your mom," Alex tensely picked him up and carried him through the crowd.

"Alex?" Cade asked, studying his cake as if it was a precious prize.

"Yeah?"

"How come you aren't my Daddy too?"

"What do you mean?"

"How come you can be Piper's Daddy but not mine?"

Alex stopped in the middle of the dance floor, "Cade, buddy, it doesn't work like that. You're my kid, I thought of you as my son before Piper was even born, do you understand that? But when your Mom and me had Piper it kinda made us a family, we're all related now. Do you get that?"

"Piper's my sister and your her daddy so you're my daddy too?"

Alex looked out over the crowd and found Meredith, she was watching them, "Yeah, in all the ways that matter."

XXXX

"_I'm about 6 blocks from your place," Derek sat at a stoplight, his fingers drumming on the steering wheel._

"_Okay good. 'Cause I'm about 20."_

"_You aren't home yet?" Derek cursed silently._

"_Something came up."_

"_Okay," Derek thought quickly, "When you get home, come around to the back of the house and knock on the gate, I'll meet you there."_

"_The backyard? Derek, Sydney told me what's going on and can't we just do this inside?"_

_Derek was silent a moment, "She told you nothing. I'll meet you at the gate."_

XXXX

"You have to dance with me sometime."

Alex turned to Meredith, "You're asking me to dance?"

She smiled, "I am."

He led her out onto the dance floor.

"Cade loves you."

"I love Cade. And Piper. And you."

Meredith smiled and looked out over his shoulder.

"Why don't you like me?"

"I do," she said quietly, "But Cade loves you. And Piper loves you. And what if you change your mind about loving me?"

"I really don't see that happening."

"No?"

"Absolutely not. I'm stuck with you."

"You're stuck with me?" she laughed.

"Forever and ever."

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yeah," she looked and him and shrugged, a smiled tugging at her lips, "Okay."

XXXX

_Addison walked across her front lawn swinging her purse in an agitated fashion, "Derek?" she called out, annoyed that she didn't know what was going on and annoyed that she needed permission to walk into her own backyard._

_The door opened immediately. "Hi."_

_Addison pursed her lips together and stared him down._

"_Close your eyes," he instructed with an excited smile._

"_Derek…"_

"_Close your eyes," he repeated patiently._

_She sighed, but did what she was told. _

_He took her hand and led her into the back yard, "No peeking," he warned._

"_Did you park an airstream in my backyard?" she asked wearily._

_Derek chuckled, "Okay, sit here," he carefully settled her in a chair then moved away, "Good. Good." There were a few seconds of silence, then, "Okay. Open your eyes."_

_Addison opened her eyes and gasped, "Derek," she breathed softly, a smile breaking across her face, "A puppy."_

"_Do you like her?"_

"_She'd beautiful," Addison moved down to the grass, ignoring the grass-stains she was going to get on the knees of her pantyhose, "Come 'ere. Come see me," she held out her hand to the puppy sitting on the grass a few feet away watching her as only puppies can._

"_There are toys and treats under your chair," Derek sat down on the edge of the deck to watch them get acquainted, "She's a Bernice Mountain Dog. She's kinda quiet compared to some of her siblings, but seemed like the one for us."_

"_Why?" Addison asked as she laughed at the puppy lumbering around her and across her lap before she scooped her up in her arms._

"_Because she treated your shoes with the upmost respect."_

"_Don't tell me you took my shoe's to a breeders and let puppies attack them," Addison was now holding herself very still while the puppy carefully and studiously smelled her hair and neck._

"_I was careful," Derek moved down on the grass with them, "And she was the smartest one. She already knows tricks," he lifted the puppy from Addison's arms and set her back on the grass, "Say __**hello**__ to Addison."_

_The puppy looked at him and barked._

_Addison laughed at the high pitched puppy bark and reached out her arms to pick her up again._

"_No," Derek stopped her, "I worked hard teaching her this. Hold out your hand."_

_Addison held out her hand._

_Derek carefully positioned the puppy so she was sitting in front of Addison's outstretched hand, "Say __**HELLO**__ to Addison."_

_The puppy lifted her paw and placed it in Addison's hand for a second, before jumping up and barking again._

_Addison's laughed, "How long did that take you?"_

"_About a week."_

"_What's her name?"_

"_She's your puppy, you can name her whatever you want."_

"_You spent a week teaching her tricks, you must have given her a name."_

_Derek smiled and lifted the puppy back onto Addison's lap, "I've been calling her Sadie."_

"_Sadie," Addison repeated. She lifted the puppy up and looked her in the face, "Sadie." She agreed. She grinned, "Derek, you bought me a puppy."_

"_Well," Derek smiled at them, "I thought it would keep us on track."_

"_On track?" Addison asked, her attention not on him at all._

"_Well, yeah. I still want to have kids someday."_

"_That's why you bought me the puppy?"_

"_You had your list, I have mine" he grinned scratching the puppy behind the ears, "Which will hopefully work better then yours. I think we failed pretty spectacularly at the 'no sex' rules. And we never took a single dance class."_

"_So these are your 'Rules'."_

"_Well, not rules––"_

"_You get me a dog, then what? We get a __**Mini-Van**__? I have 2 kids and you put a __**picket fence around my front lawn**__?"_

"_What?"_

"_**We never talked about this**__!"_

"_**We talked about this on our first date!**__"_

"_But this is… you are trying to misdirect me with a dog so I won't notice when you turn my office into a nursery and __**start charting my cycles**__!"_

"_It's a puppy!"_

"_It's a __**conspiracy**__!"_

XXXX

Derek sat on the couch aimlessly flipping through channels. It was 3am and there was really nothing on. He could hear someone padding around upstairs, but he was hoping it was just someone going to the bathroom and he could keep watching this infomercial for a blender –– or was it a juicer.

But no such luck, he could hear the pitter-patter of little feet coming down the stairs.

"Where's Mommy?"

Derek turned to the doorway, "What are you doing up Prue?"

"Where's Mommy?" she asked again creeping across the floor in her bare feet and rumpled nightgown.

"She's at the hospital," he replied, it was an answer she was used to and didn't set off any alarms, "Can't sleep?" he asked. Lifting her up he settled her on his lap and she leaned sleepily against his chest.

"No," she pouted.

"Do you want to watch TV with me?"

She nodded.

"Do you want to watch a show about juicers?"

"No."

"Disney Princesses it is."

XXXX

"_**Addison**__!"_

"_Stay on the other side of the door Derek! I mean it!" She heard barking but continued to pace back and forth._

"_**Addison! What is wrong**__." Derek himself was pacing on the other side of Addison's locked bedroom door. Sadie was barking and demanding attention._

"_I don't want to talk to you right now!"_

"_**Why not**__?"_

"_Because you'll yell."_

"_I'm yelling now!"_

"_You'll yell __**more**__!"_

"_Addison," Derek paused and rested his forehead against her door, "I'm not going to yell at you."_

_Addison stopped pacing but didn't open the door._

"_We don't have to have kids right now," he said softly, "It's just something I want us to think about."_

"_I can't," she replied softly._

"_I didn't mean to upset you Add. And I know we aren't ready right now, but if we wait until the timing is perfect then we are never even going to talk about it and I want to be a father."_

_Addison inhaled sharply and squeezed her eyes shut to keep herself from crying._

"_We always wanted kids Addison. I still want to have kids. With you, in case I haven't been quite clear about that."_

"_I had my tubes tied," she spoke softly, almost to herself, but loud enough that he could hear her._

_Derek froze._

"_I was sad and I didn't…" she shook her head to stop herself from saying something she shouldn't, "I'm sorry."_

_Derek took a step away from the door and turned towards the stairs._

"_I just didn't want to have anyone else's baby. If it wasn't yours I didn't think I could do it." She took a deep breath and unlocked the door, then crossed the room to sit on the floor beside her bed._

XXXX

Derek awoke to a pounding on the front door.

He carefully moved Prue to the other side of the couch and covered her with a blanket. He squinted at his watch and groaned. It was 4:34 in the morning. He peeked out the window and groaned.

It was his sister. And she was drunk. Very very drunk.

He opened the door slowly, "Laura."

She was crying and couldn't speak. "Hey," he pulled her into a stiff hug, "It's okay."

"I'm sorry," she sobbed.

Derek sighed, "Yeah me too." He patted her back, "Let's get you some coffee."

XXXX

_The sun was setting. She could see it through her bedroom window. She turned her head as the door opened slowly expecting to see Derek standing there. Instead Sadie stepped cautiously into the unknown room, smelling the air suspiciously._

_She watched Sadie walk around the perimeter of the room, under and chair, and back out the other side into a patch of sun. Addison no longer trusted the puppy._

"_Am I allowed in," Derek asked from the doorway, "Or are you going to throw something at me?"_

_Addison sighed in frustration, "That depends on what you want."_

"_Kids aside, I'm starting to wonder why I'm once again the only one in this."_

"_Derek," Addison said calmly, "Get out."_

"_No," he replied just as calmly, "I should be the one thats uncertain about this, but I'm going out and buying you pets when I'm the one that walked in on you having sex with Mark. Why am I still here?"_

"_I don't __**know**__. But I'm still a little unsure about things since you __**left me for another woman**__."_

_Derek rolled his eyes._

"_Don't roll your eyes! I get to be insecure about __**Meredith**__. It's __**Meredith**__! You told me __**repeatedly**__ that you loved her. You left me for __**her**__."_

"_And I almost immediately came back to you. I always chose you over her! I waited ––"_

"_You waited? For what?"_

"_I don't know," Derek remained seated in his chair, "I don't know where I was going with that. But I didn't let you go. I was happy with Meredith, but I was happier with you. And I watched you have these __**relationships**__ that were so much better then what we had. Geoffrey was better for you, hell you even seemed happier with Alex. So I have these images in my head of you with these __**men**__. You with __**Mark**__, you with __**Geoffrey**__, you with __**Alex**__. And I'm pretty sure you were happier with all them then you were with me. But I'm still here, buying you puppies and asking you to have my children, and I don't know why. I just know that I want to be with you and my thought process tends to shut down after that."_

_Addison picked up the puppy and put a hand on her hip._

"_I've always let you set the tone for our relationship––"_

"_I would have left Geoff if you had asked."_

"_I didn't want to ask. He was better for you then me."_

_Addison considered this, "But you left me."_

"_You slept with Mark."_

"_Then you left me again."_

"_I found you with Mark."_

_Addison smirked, "I may have done that on purpose."_

"_I thought you might have."_

"_I wanted to hurt you and I knew you'd come looking for me when i wouldn't take your calls, so I called him. You had incredible timing that night."_

"_I might have talked myself out of leaving if he hadn't been there."_

"_Really?"_

"_And I just wanted to be with you, from the second you kissed me at that jazz club."_

"_You kissed me," Addison smiled slightly._

"_Whatever," Derek leaned forward, "I just thought that –– with Meredith and Geoff –– we should just take what we could get with each other. And then Julie was born and you were engaged and –– I don't know what would have happened if we had never gotten caught. We probably would have stayed on the same path, and I don't know if that would have been good enough."_

"_But what if we can't make it work."_

"_I don't know," Derek shrugged, "I don't know. But we are working now, I don't know what else we can do."_

"_I can't have children Derek," she sat down at the edge of the bed, "Sooner or later that's going to be a problem for us. You're meant to be a father and I can't do that for you anymore –– but at least we won't have to think about joint custody if we break up again."_

_Derek rubbed his hands over his face, "I don't understand this."_

"_I had my tubes tied."_

"_I know," he dropped his hands abruptly back to his lap, "I don't know why you would do that. You wanted kids, I know you did, every time you held one you just glowed."_

"_Yeah," Addison smiled, "I just wasn't having the best of luck being pregnant."_

_Derek remained silent, forcing her to go on._

_She sighed, focusing on Sadie for a moment. WIth her hands firmly planted on her hip she started to pace. "I told myself that it didn't matter who the father was or who I raised my children with, I'd love them unconditionally. And I imagine that it's true. But I wasn't loving me unconditionally. I chose you over my baby with Mark because… I love you. And I didn't feel like his baby was mine, it was his. It was like a foreign body was growing inside of me and I didn't know anything about it. I loved his baby, but it didn't make me happy and I started hating myself," she paused, then smiled softly, "do you remember the day we left work early, I think you said you were having your car detailed, and we shared a plate of fish and chips while we road the ferry and we left my car at a gas station and drove to the trailer together? And it was a really nice day and we left all the windows open and the door and we just made love all afternoon until we had to go home for supper? There was a breeze floating through the trailer and you could smell the grass and the sun and hear the river; and I got that weird sunburn from my sunglasses that day."_

"_Yeah. I remember."_

"_Well driving home that evening I just felt peaceful and happy. Then a week later my breasts were sore and I just __**knew**__. I wasn't even surprised. I think I might have already known. And I knew it was our baby, right from the start I was positive. And I was excited and I was happy and I felt connected to myself and to you. And then I started getting horribly nauseous all the time, like all day everyday, but I was still happy cause I had a part of you with me all the time –– in hindsight I maybe have been a bit hormonal and sentimental too. But, then I started to worry, about what you'd say or whether you'd even believe me, and I worried that maybe I was wrong maybe I just wanted it to be yours and I panicked. I stole Geoff's toothbrush and had Alex do an amnio, and then 3 days later I miscarried." She paused, "And I was sad and alone and then I had a piece of paper that confirmed that I had lost the baby we had always wanted. And, I still wanted a baby, but I couldn't go back to that empty feeling of having someone else's child growing inside of me –– so I opted for some rather permanent birth control."_

"_But it's reversible isn't it? If you wanted too."_

_She shook her head, "I didn't want to take the chance that they'd heal back together. This is my job. I know all the tricks those tubes have."_

_Derek stood and paced the room a few times, "Well, we can be dog people then. Or adopt. If that doesn't work we'll buy one on the black market."_

"_You've made up your mind haven't you?"_

"_Addison," Derek spoke seriously, "I know it's not a major appliance or anything, but I bought you a six thousand dollar show pedigree Bernice Mountain Dog. I'm not leaving until I get a return on that investment."_

"_That is the __**least**__romantic thing you have every said to me."_

"_Addison. I'm not leaving you. I'm not planning on doing anything to make you leave me –– which is why I bought you a puppy and not an engagement ring. I want to be with you, there are no conditions. I just love you."_

_Addison stood in silent disbelief, "And we didn't even yell."_

"_Not even a little bit."_

_Addison bent to rescue a pair of Derek's socks from Sadie. "We're working?"_

"_Yeah. We're working." _

XXXX

"I'm not a horrible person," Laura stared into her coffee mug.

Derek reserved judgement.

"He was my first kiss, my first boyfriend, my first––"

"He was married," Derek pointed out.

"Yeah, but––" Laura paused abruptly and took a sip of her coffee.

"What?"

"You don't want to talk about this," she shrugged and stared into her mug, "I don't know why I came over here."

Derek crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the counter.

"How can you judge me?"

Derek stared down at his bare feet.

"You aren't exempt because you have an extraordinary love story. We have a love story too. You have no idea what it feels like to realize that the man that you believed since you were 15 was the guy for you, is _actually_ meant for some woman that he married on a whim because he was feeling spontaneous. I've been in love with Mark in some capacity for my entire adult life. He wasn't suppose to settle with someone else!"

Derek shook his head, "You don't think I know how that feels? I live with that feeling everyday. You know Addison right? You don't think I know that there are men out there that are better for her then me. You don't think I've lived through seeing her with other men and knowing that she's better off? I married her as quickly as possible so that she'd never realize I wasn't good enough and it didn't matter –– she figured it out anyway. And, incase you haven't noticed, we aren't an extraordinary love story, we are barely talking to each other, we don't want the same things, and I've been sleeping at the cabin for the past 3 days! That is what happens when you mess with peoples love lives. You turn into _us_!"

"But _we_ didn't _do anything_," Laura stood abruptly, "You hurt everyone. _Everyone. _But we didn't do anything and somehow you are still the sweethearts that found each other again and I'm the home-wrecking tramp."

"He was _married with kids!_"

"_We never had sex!"_

"Get out."

"No! I kissed him. But that's it. He left her all on his own. He said he was freaked out. It wasn't until after, when they were legally separated and the divorce was being processed that we … I never slept with him when he was _married! I have moral standards! I'm a good person. I have self-restraint!_"

"You should leave," Derek shook slightly.

"Derek..." she teared up."

"I'm just going to get… from my pocket," Derek winced slightly, "Yeah, maybe not. Could you? It the hall closet." He was surprisingly calm.

"What?" Laura paled, "Are you okay? Should I call Addison?"

"No," Derek shook his head and pressed his knuckles against his chest, "No, just get me the spray out of my jacket. He moved slowly across the kitchen and sat at the kitchen table, he didn't look up when Laura handed him the nitrate spray, he simply sprayed it under his tongue and waited until the pain and tightening in his chest lessened.

"Are you sure I shouldn't call Addison,"

"No. It happens," Derek shrugged it off, "More often then I'd like, but it happens. It's just stress. Can you pass me those pills on the counter," he waited until her back was to him, "Mom told you right?"

"Yeah," Laura hung her head, "She seems to think it's all my fault."

"It's not," Derek assured her, "It's Addison's fault," he smiled wearily, "I'm getting old. I'm shutting down."

"So your going in on Monday for the –– thing?"

"Yeah," Derek held out his arm, "I have this nifty catheter and everything."

Laura winced.

"It's not as bad as it seems. I feel fine. It's precautionary and preventative."

"Mommy?"

Derek turned towards the door, "No. She's still at the hospital. Do you want some breakfast?"

Prue nodded.

"Hi, Prue," Laura smiled.

Prue looked at her, then reached out to Derek to pick her up.

"She doesn't talk much," Derek explained. He sat there collecting himself for a moment, "What do you want to eat? We have Museli? Or protein shakes? Or instant oatmeal?"

"I want Mommy."

The phone rang.

"Maybe thats her now," Derek nodded to Laura to hand him the phone, "I should probably answer it. ––– Hello?"

"It's a boy! It's a boy. I have a _SON_!" Mark announced triumphantly, "The streak is over. No more girls. We have A BOY!"

Derek grinned, "Congratulations."

"Is it Mommy?" Prue asked.

"Hold on Mark. There is someone here that wants to talk to you," Derek handed the phone to Prue.

She was silent a moment then smiled, "Daddy."

Derek stood and settled Prue in the chair to talk to her father, then walked over to his sister.

"Sydney had her baby?"

"It's a boy."

"Mark jr?"

He nodded.

"So they're probably going to reschedule the wedding then?"

"I'd imagine."

"Do you have any scotch in the house?"

XXXX

"_I'd like to get remarried."_

_Addison smirked, tilting her face slightly so she could see him, "And we'd been doing so well not fighting for the last hour."_

"_It would be nice," he scooted closer, "We have fun weddings."_

"_I think there's a limit. One per couple."_

"_We aren't the same people."_

"_According to the state, we are," she teased gently, "What do we need a wedding for?"_

"_To unite us."_

"_You just want me to have your last name," she teased, softly stroking the puppy that had just fallen asleep sprawled over her chest._

"_I miss having a Mrs. Shepherd," he rested his lips against her jaw bone, "I miss having you as my wife."_

"_We don't need a wedding for that, Derek. I'll go downtown tomorrow, I'll change my name back. The wedding doesn't change my name," she teased, "That's just paper work."_

"_But I want the vows," he whispered, nuzzling the shell of her ear._

"_The vows," Addison repeated slowly. She smiled, sat up and moved the completely unconscious puppy to the foot of the bed, "Come 'ere" she instructed, adjusting her cotton pajama's as she sat cross legged in the middle of the bed. Sh reached for his hand and he sat facing her. She grinned and scooted closer, her knees resting on top of his, their hands clasp between, "__I, Addison," she spoke slowly, "Take you Derek, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish and to honour; for as long as we both shall live."_

_Derek took a steadying breath, "I don't think I remember mine as well," he leaned closer and touched her cheek gently, "__I, Derek, take you, Addison, to be my wife, to have and to hold in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, in joy and in sorrow. I promise to love you unconditionally, to honor and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, and to cherish you for as long as we both shall live."_

"_You may now kiss the bride," she whispered._

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So is everyone starting to understand now? At least a little. Hopefully completely cause there is only one more chapter, then this is going back into the Disney Vault for 25 years.

So if there is anything you want to see in the last chapter, I'd ask for it now, cause I'm not doing another sequel, I'm not writing an epilogue and I'm pretty serious about the vault thing.

That said, I love this chapter, I hope you did too.

**Review **for the chance to win a screening of _Mamma Mia: Sing-along Version_ with me! I'm a lot of fun to watch musicals with.


	7. Be Be Your Love: Year 1

So here is what I decided to do. When the last chapter got to be like 30 pages long I decided to split it up. I decided that the easiest way to answer all your questions was to fill in the 5 years that I skipped over, so there are 5 sections, one for each year. Each section has a bit of a focus, not strictly cause obviously things happened to more then one character in any given year, but generally speaking 'Year 1' deals mostly with Meredith and Alex and the birth of Cade, 'Year 2' so far is Geoff, Callie and Daisy, 'Year 3' isn't written but I think it's going to be Mark and Sydney and kinda the beginning of Mark and Laura, 'Year 4' is full on Marksy and Mark and Laura with a healthy amount of Addek, and 'Year 5' is straight out Addek party.

So ya, I have it all written except for 'Year 3' and some other stuff that I want to add on to and make better. It's honestly like 42 pages right now so you want me to divide it up. And you want me to start posting it now cause who knows how long it would take me to edit 42+ pages.

But this is seriously the last time you can ask for things you want to see in the end. This is it. This is all. It's over… you know, after this and the other 4 years.

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Year 1

XXXXXXXXXX

**February**

She felt fat. So so fat. She was pretty sure she was waddling as she walked down the halls. And it didn't help that she was being forced to do something that she really didn't want to do.

"Alright Pickle, lets do this," Meredith marched, well marched as best she could with a 6 month baby bump attached to her small frame, "Addison," Meredith dropped a chart down in front of Addison, "I've been referred to you by 3 different doctors."

Addison looked her over slowly, head to toe, her lips pursed. Without saying anything she perched her glasses on the end of her nose and gave Meredith one more long look before flipping open the chart.

"I didn't want to do this," Meredith told her, "But apparently you're the only doctor in town capable of touching this."

"I think that goes without saying," Addison was skimming the chart without really reading anything.

"Well this is my baby and I'm willing to… are you just looking for a conception date?" Meredith considered snatching the chart away, but instead just rolled her eyes, "It's not Derek's baby."

Addison found the page she wanted and let her eyes drift down the page, "You conceived with an anonymous sperm donor."

"Yeah. Not your _boyfriend_," she spat out the last word in disgust.

"Just making sure," Addison smiled, abet insincerely, "What can I do for you Meredith?"

Meredith emitted a sound of disbelief from the back of her throat, "I want my son to be born healthy,_ Addison_."

Addison's features softened, "It's a boy?"

Meredith nodded and touched her stomach, "Cade. It means strong and sturdy," she smiled wistfully, "After Julie I … I didn't think a strong name would hurt."

"Well, you're certainly bigger then you were with Julie," Addison tilted her head and took a step forward taking a visual measurement of Meredith's stomach.

"I know, But it's still hard to believe that it won't happen again."

Addison's brow furrowed, "Meredith, has anyone really told you what was wrong with Julie?"

"I never asked."

"Let's go sit down."

XXXX

"It's a recessive gene," Addison sat kitty-corner to Meredith, she'd considered getting out charts and diagrams and studies but at the last minute decided just to talk to her, "You have it, and Derek has it, but it still means that there is only a 25% chance that your children would have it. Both parents have to have it in order for their child to have the condition. So if the donor doesn't have the gene then your baby is going to be fine."

"So if Derek and I had more kids, they might have had the same thing that Julie had?"

"There is a chance. But, there's a chance they would have been totally fine," Addison leaned forward, "What's important to remember is that the delay in growth begins in the womb, and clearly your baby is growing." Addison moved her chair a little closer, "And even if this baby does have what Julie had, now that we know, we can diagnose it sooner, monitor it closer and treat it so he can have as normal of a life as possible."

"You know, why don't you talk to Alex. He cared for Julie too."

XXXX

**March**

"What are those?"

Meredith looked down at her feet, "Slippers."

"They're ugly," Alex stared at her feet, "And furry."

"They fit," Meredith protested, "And they're Izzie's."

"Well that explains the pink and the glitter. Swollen feet?"

"Yeah," Meredith sighed and drew lazy circles on her stomach.

"Try one of those foot bath things with cool water."

Meredith smiled, "Okay."

"You going to Lamaze tonight?"

She shrugged, "It's not really my thing."

"Not your thing? Meredith, your stomach is taking up about 75 percent of your body weight right now. I think that when Sparky decides he wants out you are going to want to know some breathing exercises."

"I'm hoping for another c-section."

"No, you aren't. You want to kick it old school."

"I really don't."

"You do, and if you went to Lamaze you'd know why."

Meredith looked away, "It's all couples. Cristina came once but she's snarky and I couldn't pay attention cause I was laughing to hard, and Izzie made me want to jump out a window," she snuck a look at him, "And the instructor keeps making comments about diversity and different kinds of families and even babies that aren't planned are a blessing. It doesn't seems like much, but I get the feeling she thinks I'm either a slut or a lesbian."

"You need to go to the classes Meredith. No one here wants to deal with your when you go into labour and start freaking out. You don't handle stress well."

"Does everyone forget that I've done this before? Cade is my second child, I know what I'm doing."

Alex scoffed, "You were in labour 5 minutes before Addison knocked you unconscious and did a c-section."

"Exactly. And since I already had one c-section I should just have another one."

"No. Meredith. You don't want that," Alex groaned, "If you have a c-section it will be harder for you to hold the baby right after he's born. Instead of cuddling him in your room you'll be in post-op trying to stay awake to memorize the first few hours of his life but mostly you'll be falling asleep. You'll be on pain killers which are a lot stronger then anything they'd give you in L&D and you don't need to get addicted to painkillers during childbirth. Those strong drugs will be in your breast milk so you might not be able to breast feed right away which might make him resistant to it later. Plus you'll have a huge incision on your stomach so it will be hard to hold him to feed him anyway! Babies bond with their mothers in the first 3 minutes! I'll go with you to Lamaze!"

Meredith stared at him, shocked, and kinda in awe, "Really?"

Alex shrugged it off, "Whatever. It's important to you."

"It is?"

"Yes!" Alex was quickly becoming exasperated, "It's important! You should be excited about this!"

"Okay," Meredith smiled, "I'll go to Lamaze."

"Thank you," Alex exclaimed.

"I'm only doing this for you though. I'd be fine without it."

XXXX

"Now, Partners support your Mommy's. You can rub their back, hold their hand, whatever makes Mommy feel better."

Meredith stiffly maneuvered so she was sitting awkwardly between Alex's outstretched legs, "Why did we have to do this?"

"What if this is your only chance?"

"I can have more kids."

"I'm just saying that stuff happens. Maybe next time you'll be on bed rest and you can't go to Lamaze class. Or maybe you marry some guy from the Peace Corp and the next time you're pregnant your in some African village giving birth under a tree. These would be useful skills to have if you go into labour under a tree in Africa."

"You think I'll marry a guy in the Peace Corp?"

Alex rearranged her slightly, "It was a hypothetical."

"It's going to be harder to meet guys."

"What?"

"With the baby."

"This is just occurring to you now?"

"No."

"Breath in deeply, all the way to your toes, then gently release, feeling your body relax."

Meredith did as she was told, breathing in deeply.

"Any guy that you meet that doesn't like your kid is not worth your time. Breath again."

"You think?"

Alex shrugged, "I don't know. You're hot. Guy's 'ill still go home with you. Single mom's put out."

"You think I'll be a MILF?"

"Well, not to me personally, but to other guys, sure."

"You think I'm hot?"

"Breath."

XXXX

**April**

Meredith cracked open one eye, then dropped her head back onto the pillow intent on falling back to sleep. But, the phone kept ringing.

"What?"

"Were you asleep?"

"Yes," Meredith burrowed back under her blankets.

"But, it's Saturday and you have the day off."

"Yes."

"You're due in 6 weeks."

"And I need my rest."

"You need to get things done," Alex insisted.

"I do?"

"Do you have the crib put together? Do you have diapers and blankets, bibs, baby shampoo, diaper cream."

"Crib?"

"You don't have the crib put together?"

"I haven't bought one yet."

"You don't have a crib? Where is the baby going to sleep. This is your second baby, where was Julie going to sleep?"

"Mmm," Meredith stretched, "Derek's mother was going to send us the crib that she used for all her kids, it's an heirloom or something. We bought a bassinet until she was old enough to need the crib. I'll go pick one up some time."

"I'll pick you up in half an hour," Alex told her, "I can't believe you don't have a crib.

XXXX

"You have nothing."

"I just haven't decorated. I have more clothes then one little boy could ever wear."

"You don't have a crib, you don't have a changing table. You don't have a mobile or blankets or tiny little stuffed animals."

Meredith looked around the baby store, "I actually do have all that stuff. But, it's all Julie's. I wanted new stuff and I wasn't ready to buy it yet."

"Oh," Alex looked around at the store full of baby things, he felt insensitive, "Are you ready now?"

"Yeah," Meredith shrugged, "Sure." She grinned suddenly, "I want that one."

"Can I help you?"

"I want that crib," Meredith pointed to a dark wood crib on display in a small alcove.

The sales woman smiled, "Your first?"

Meredith shook her head, "Second."

"Congratulations. How old is your eldest?"

"Three."

"That's a good age to have a new little brother or sister. Now this model here is great because it can be converted into a toddler bed…"

XXXX

"Are you sure this is okay."

"Yes," Meredith replied simply. He'd asked 50 times and she always gave the same answer.

"I can wait in the car."

"No. You can come."

Alex stuffed his hands in his pockets and followed her across the grass.

"She'd be excited," Meredith stopped at the foot of the grave and smiled, "Hey, Julie."

Alex took a step back.

"I brought you something. It's a t-shirt. It says 'I'm the big sister'." Meredith paused, "I hope you don't mind, but I'm going to paint over your nursery. Your dad was right, that green was a bad idea. I think, maybe, blue this time? Boy's like blue right?" Meredith knelt down and spread the t-shirt over the grass. "You know, I'm glad I'm having a boy. I think I would have felt like I was replacing Julie if I had another girl right away. Maybe next time. And, I'm glad it's spring now. I remember when I was in the hospital with Julie, I was holding her and it was maybe an hour or two before she died, and Derek had fallen asleep so it was just the two of us, and I looked outside and it was snowing. I know it probably melted before it hit the ground, but it was snowing. I remember that so clearly. I don't have many memories of her," Meredith smoothed her hand over the t-shirt again, "I'm glad that that will stay just hers. I'm glad I'm not having another winter baby."

Alex stood back, not sure if she wanted him to reply. He was to scared to interject anyway.

"Alex? Can you pass me the plastic container from under the bench."

Alex looked behind him in surprise. Sure enough there was a plastic container tucked under the bench, almost hidden from view. He handed it to Meredith and she opened it slowly.

"I wonder what people would say if they knew about this," she lifted a soft blue baby blanket out of the container, "It's from Derek. We leave things for Julie here sometimes. Books and things we think she'd like. I'll find some barrettes I think she'd like and I'll leave them here for Derek to see. It's silly, I mean we don't know what she would have liked, maybe she would have been a tomboy and hate pink."

"I think it's nice."

Meredith nodded, "We don't talk anymore. It got to hard. People stare and talk and I think it bothers Addison. And, it's funny, but I don't even think about it anymore –– like when we were a couple. It's like it never really happened. I have the memories but it doesn't feel like it even happened. Except Julie. She's the only real thing. We had this perfect little girl together." She turned the blue blanket over and traced the navy blue embroidery, "'Cade Ezekiel Grey'. Addison must have told him his name," she reached out so that Alex could help her to her feet, "I like the light blue and the navy. Do you think we could find blankets and sheets to match?"

XXXX

**May**

"I can't," Meredith panted, "I can't do it."

"Forceps."

"No," Alex shook his head at Addison, "She can do it." He turned to Meredith and leaned close, "You can do it."

"I can't. I can't do it," Meredith was shaking and crying, exhausted and defeated.

"Yes you can," Alex encouraged her, "You don't need help. Especially not from Addison."

Meredith choked out a chuckle, "I'm to tired. I can't do it."

"Yes, you can. He's almost out."

Meredith shook her head, leaning back against the bed in exhaustion.

"Alex, the baby's shoulders are to wide, she's been pushing for over 2 hours," Addison spoke softly, not wanting to disturb Meredith who seemed ready to fall asleep right there.

"She can do it," Alex never took his eyes of of Meredith, pushing locks of sweaty hair out of her face. "Okay. Now take a deep breath, and _push_!"

"Okay, he's coming! Meredith keep that up," Addison moved quickly, "You've got one shoulder out, you're almost there. Once you get that other shoulder he'll be here."

Meredith was to tired to even make a sound, she just cried.

"You are _so_ close. Meredith. He's almost here," he rubbed the leg he was supporting for her, trying to ease the tension in her calf, "You push one more time and you can hold him."

"Really?" she asked weakly, her head lolling back.

"Yeah. He's almost here. I know you're exhausted, but so is he and once he's out you can hold him and kiss him and rock him to sleep."

"I want to do that."

"Then do it," Alex gripped her leg in one arm and held her hand tightly with his other hand, "_Push_."

"That's it Meredith," Addison encouraged her, suctioning the baby's mouth before he could take his first breath and inhale it," Keep going. Go, go, go, go, go!" Addison held the infant to her chest for a moment, one handedly wrapping him in a hospital towel, "Alex?"

"Hand him straight to Meredith," Alex rung out a wash cloth and slipped it onto the back of Meredith's neck. Meredith's eyes were closed as if she was absorbing the first moments of peace she'd ever felt.

Addison stood and placed the baby against Meredith's chest, supporting him for the second it took Meredith to realize that he was there.

"He's born," she cried quietly, "He's really here. He's so beautiful."

Alex stepped over to Addison and took her elbow and moved her to the other side of the room.

"I'm not done," Addison protested.

"Shhhh," Alex looked over at Meredith, a protective glint in his eye, "They need to be together. Leave it."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

And that is the story of how Meredith had Cade and how Alex and Meredith started to get a little closer, in about 3 years they'll have sex. They move slowly. It's kinda nice for a change.

It's been brought to my attention that I haven't made a place for Adrienne. I'll make a place for Adrienne… somewhere… doing something.

Okay, Review for the semi-last time.

(I can never just end these things can I)


	8. Be Be Your Love: Year 2

Happy day after Valentine's Day!

So.

I don't think I can express to you how ready I am for this story to be over. I know there are about 3 and a half of you that want it to keep going, but I'm so burnt out it's retarded. But I'm trying to give you as much closure as possible. Which is why we have this chapter; which I call the Daisy chapter. People have gotten very attached to little Daisy, and more then one person wrote comments to the effect that Geoff should die/leave/disappear and Addison and Derek should raised Daisy and be a cute little family. But I didn't want Geoff to die/leave/disappear.

And I discovered that if you hit the 1/2 button right above the drop down menu with the chapters listed, this all looks a lot better.

So here is the second year that I skipped.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

XXXX

**Year 2**

XXXX

**September**

"Great surgery Dr. Montgomery."

Addison grinned, "Thanks," she nodded her appreciation and walked out the front doors of the hospital. She's had a really good day. She wanted nothing more then to go home, heat up some leftovers, take a bath and maybe crawl into bed with a book or to watch TV.

She pulled into the driveway and smiled. Derek had beat her home. Maybe he'd cuddle and watch TV with her. Or, better yet, forget the TV.

"Hey," she stepped through the front door and set her things down on the entry way table.

"Hey," He called from the kitchen, "I'm making pasta."

"That sounds perfect," she walked into the kitchen and inhaled the smells of spices and tomato's. She lifted lids and inspected the food. Sauce, roasted veggies… "Perfect," she turned to where he was standing leaning against the counter, "Perfect, just perfect."

"Hungry?"

She nodded and stepped in front of him, ducking her head and kissing his neck.

"I meant for food," he chuckled as her hands ran up and down his sides and she nudged his head up, "But, I see where you are going with this."

She laughed and the vibrations shot through his adams apple as she grazed over it with her teeth. She leaned back and dragged her hands up his chest and rested her arms on his shoulders.

"DId you have a good day?"

"Yes," she kissed him lightly, "And then I came home and it got even better."

"Really?"

"You made me supper."

"If I turn the heat down it will stay warm for awhile. If you don't feel like eating right now."

"I don't."

"I'll turn it down then."

XXXX

"I dripped."

Addison turned her head to look at her shoulder then went back to twirling her pasta.

Derek bent his head to kiss her shoulder, wiping away the sauce, "Bite?" he requested, opening his mouth when she held a speared pepper over her shoulder for him to take.

"You're still wearing a sock," she observed casually, shifting slightly to get more comfortable on the ceramic tile floor.

"You're still wearing… that lacy thing."

"Camisole?"

"Yeah, that."

"We're getting lazy," she teased.

"I wouldn't describe anything we just did as lazy. Did you steal all the mushrooms?"

"Yes," she leaned her head back against his shoulder and smiled.

He tried to glare, then leaned over and kissed her until the phone rang, interrupting them.

"How unethical is it for two doctors not to answer the ringing phone?" Addison handed him their shared plate of pasta and crawled over to where she could reach the phone on the kitchen counter, then sat back between Derek's outstretched legs, his arms wrapping around her to rest on her stomach. "Hello."

"Addison? It's Geoff. Have you seen or spoken to Daisy tonight?"

"No," Addison sat up, concern written all over her face, "What's wrong?"

"She's run away. Callie and I are getting married and when we told Daisy she ran to her room and wouldn't come out. Now she's gone and I don't know where…"

"I'll help look," Addison immediately started grabbing at her strewn clothing, throwing Derek's in his general direction, "Derek and I will each take a car. We'll find her."

"I'll call you if I hear anything."

"Daisy's missing," Addison scrambled to her feet, "I need key's."

Derek, one leg already in his pants, picked up his own key's from the counter, "Take mine. It has a full tank of gas."

"Thank you," she kissed him quickly, unable to put into words how much she appreciated that, then zipper up her skirt and stuffed her feet into a pair of tennis shoes.

"Addison. Jacket. It's cold."

XXXX

She's been driving aimlessly around Geoffrey's neighborhood for 45 minutes. She'd passed Callie's car 6 times. She's driven around the school, the corner store, the shoe store, the prom dress boutique, the build-a-bear, Denny's… everywhere that she thought Daisy had ever been. Then she started picking streets at random, getting further and further away from Geoff's.

She passed a church. A liquor store. A McDonald's and a skating rink.

She slammed on the breaks.

"Daisy!" She flew out of the car, barely taking time to put it in park and not bothering to kill the engine, "Daisy! Oh my God. Honey. Thank God. Oh Daisy." Addison fell to her knees in front of the steps to the rink and pulled Daisy into her arms, "Oh, Boo. You scared me."

"I got lost."

Addison pushed a handful of blond matted waves out of Daisy's face, "Where were you going?"

"Your house. But I couldn't remember where it was. So I tried to go to the hospital, but…"

"You got lost," Addison nodded and moved to sit beside her on the bottom step, taking a visual inventory of whether or not Daisy was unscathed. "Why were you trying to come to my house?"

Daisy didn't reply.

"Is it because your Dad is going to marry Callie?"

"I don't like her."

"Yes, you do."

"No, I don't."

"You used to like her."

"I don't want her to be my mother though!"

"I think you'll have fun with Callie once you start spending more time with her. I love hanging out with Callie, she's one of my best friends."

"Ali doesn't like her."

"Ali didn't like me at first either. You have to give Callie a chance Boo."

"Why can't you just marry Dad?"

"Daisy," Addison turned towards Daisy a little bit more, "We wouldn't have been happy together."

"Yes, you would have. I know you would have."

"No, Honey. I wasn't in love with your Dad anymore."

"Is that why you left?"

"Yeah."

"But you could come back."

"Daisy…"

"I don't _understand_," Daisy started to cry, "_I don't understand why you left. Did I do something wrong? I thought you wanted to be my mom. I thought––_"

"Daisy," Addison interrupted, "I love you more then anything, but it wasn't fair to your dad if I just stayed for you."

"But he didn't want you to go_ either_. I don't understand _why_… you just left."

"Honey, I…" Addison reached out and pulled her into her arms, "It's complicated. Your dad and I had some grown up problems and––"

Daisy pulled away, "Ali said," Daisy pulled the tears off her cheeks and lowered her voice to little more then a whisper, "Ali said you had sex with someone."

Addison closed her eyes, momentarily wondering why Ali would say something like that to a little girl. She didn't think that Daisy could possibly get her head around the complexities of love, sex and adultery, not when she was only 10, and certainly not when she was 8 and would have overheard that.

"She was really mad. She called you bad names."

"I don't know why she said that in front of you. You are to young to… This is a conversation you should be having with your dad,"

Daisy squirmed slightly.

Addison sighed. Geoffrey was a wonderful father but he hated talking about things like this with his daughters, which is why she'd talked to Alison about birth control when she was 15 and wrote her a prescription for the pill when she asked for it a year and a half later. "Sex is something that adults do with when they are in love, it's a way to show each other that you love them. It's suppose to be special, but I didn't treat it like that, and that was wrong of me. Sex should be something between just two people, that's what makes it special because it's something they are sharing only with each other. So when I had sex with someone else it made it less special. Your Dad knew that we wouldn't be happy together anymore, so he broke up with me."

Daisy shook her head hard and jumped to her feet, "_Yes, we would have! You don't know that! We were happy!_" She took off running.

"Daisy!" It only took seconds for Addison to catch up with her, grab her arm and turn her to face her.

"_It's not fai_r," Daisy cried, "_It's not fair. I don't want her to be my mother. I want you to come home. I don't want her to be my mother_."

Addison hugged her again, trying to sooth the little girl.

"Dad said that––" Daisy hiccuped, "When him and Callie go on their honeymoon it's going to be Christmas and I can go to Cabo and have Christmas with my mom, but I don't want to go there for Christmas. _I don't even know where Cabo is! I can't even go stay with Ali cause she's going to Spain with her boyfriend. She doesn't even have to go to the wedding! I don't want to go to the wedding and I don't want to see Mom!_"

"Daisy––"

"She sent me make up for my birthday! _I'm not allowed to wear make up! __**I'm 10**__!_"

"That never stopped you from playing with mine."

Daisy paused, her jaw dropping open. Then she smiled shyly.

"Yeah. I knew that was you," she smiled at Daisy, then squeezed her close for a minute, "Honey, it will be good for you to go see your Mom for Christmas. You hardly ever get to see her."

"But I don't even know her. Can't I stay with you?"

Addison closed her eyes for a moment, "We need to call your dad and tell him where you are."

"Do I have to go back?"

"Yes," Addison marched Daisy over to her car and opened the passenger side door, "My phone is in my purse, call your father," she instructed as she crossed to the drivers side, bucked in and slowly pulled out onto the street.

"Dad?" Daisy said quietly when her father answered the phone, "I'm okay. I'm with Addison," she paused and her eyes filled with tears, "I'm sorry." She listened for a few more minutes and her face suddenly turned cold and stoney, "_I don't care! I hate her! –– I hate you too!_"

Addison glanced over at Daisy as she snapped the phone shut, "Daisy," she admonished.

Daisy didn't respond.

"Okay," Addison pulled back onto the shoulder of the road, they had driven about 2 blocks, "Listen to me," Addison said sharply, "I love you very _very_ much, but I am not your mother. I am always going to go to your dance recitals and get you birthday presents and Christmas presents. I'm going to go to your high school graduation and your college graduation and your wedding and anything else that you want to invite me to. Your kids can call me Nada Addy if you want –– but I am _not_ your mother. You have a mother, and even though you don't see her very often, she loves you. And Callie is going to be your fathers wife, and like it or not she is going to be your stepmother. And she loves you too. And," Addison paused, "I love you, but things are different now. Okay? Callie wants to be a part of your family, and you need to accept her and let her do some of the things that we used to do together. You are not allowed to hate Callie."

"Is it because you're with Derek now?" Daisy asked quietly, "Is that why… I mean, do you not want…"

Addison groaned quietly and pulled back onto the street. "It's not Derek's fault that I'm not with your dad, " she sighed, "Sometimes you have to make a choice. I'm sorry that I hurt you, Boo."

Daisy stared out the window, "He should have fixed it."

"I cheated on your dad. Honey, it's my fault. I don't know what your dad told you––"

"He didn't say anything. He just said you had a fight and he asked you to leave."

Addison bit her lip, "I don't know what else I can tell you that is going to make you understand."

"I _understand_. I don't _care_ that you had sex with Derek."

"I didn't just," Addison couldn't believe she was talking about her sex life with a 10 year old, "I didn't just have sex with Derek one time, Daisy. I know it's hard for you to understand right now, maybe when you are older––"

"_I'm 10! I'm not a baby! Why won't anyone ever tell me what's going on!_"

"Okay," Addison took a deep breath and ran her fingers through her hair, "I had an affair. Do you know what that means?"

She shook her head.

"It means… it means that for a long time when I was with your dad I was also with Derek. And I lied about it. That's what an affair means, when a person who is in a relationship with someone like I was with your Dad lies and sneaks around so they can have sex with someone else. And when your dad found out, in front of all our friends, he broke up with me. I didn't just have sex with Derek once, it was a lot of times when I was your dad's girlfriend."

"How many times?"

"It was a couple years, baby."

"_Don't call me __**baby! I'm not a baby**_! _And if you could do it for that long why couldn't you just keep doing it and everything could have stayed the same and you wouldn't have had to leave._"

"Because you don't do that Daisy. It's wasn't fair to your Dad, it wasn't far to you and Ali. And it's just wrong Daisy, not to mention dangerous. Okay? I don't want you to _ever _think that what I did was okay. It's not safe to have sex with more then one person. I could have gotten sick and I could have made your Dad sick. Sex is serious Daisy. It's a big responsibility. I was very _very_ stupid. There are diseases that you can get from people you have sex with that I could have given to your Dad. What if I'd gotten pregnant? I wouldn't have known who the father was, you wouldn't have known if it was really your brother or sister."

"So what."

"_Daisy_! I'm not really liking your attitude towards sex right now," Addison tensed her jaw at the words that Daisy was saying and how volatile her emotions were running, "Don't you understand how wrong I was? None of this was your fathers fault. He had no idea what I was doing. I was the wrong one."

Daisy glared, "It's not _fair_."

"I know," Addison agreed as she pulled onto Geoffrey's street, "And it took a long time for your Dad and I to be able to be friends again. So it's okay if you hate me––"

"_I don't hate you!_" Daisy yelled, "_I just don't remember before you came_."

"Oh, god. Daisy I'm sorry. I didn't even think…"

"_I just want you to come back!_"

"I'm not, Sweetie. Not like that. But I think that you are going to be really happy with Callie."

Daisy started to cry, her forehead resting against the glass. The situation was starting to sink in and she felt defeated, "All she does is watch sports and cook."

"Daisy. Can you _please_ learn to like Callie? For me?"

Daisy stared out the window.

"Why don't you go see _Annie_ at the theatre. You and Callie."

"Can't we go?"

"No. But you and Callie can go."

"No! I want you to come."

"You call me and tell me about something that you and Callie did together and I'll get you tickets to see _Annie_," Addison offered softly, "For all three of us."

Daisy huffed, "Fine."

"Okay. Good. We're home."

Daisy jumped from the car and slammed the door. She pointedly ignored her father and Callie who were pacing the porch and disappeared inside.

"Where was she?" Geoff bounded down the steps and met her as she walked up the front walk.

"The skating rink. She's so angry, I've never seen her like that. She'd be calm, then she'd suddenly start crying, then she wouldn't talk at all then she'd yell."

"I know. She hates me."

"Well, she's not to pleased with me either. We had a little chat about why you and I really broke up. And I bribed her to spend more time with Callie."

"Thanks," Callie replied dully.

"The three of us are going to see _Annie_. But I made her promise she'd do something just with you first."

Callie wrinkled her nose and the thought of going to see _Annie_.

"What did you tell her about us?"

"I just answered her questions. She was confused about why I left, and she didn't understand why I couldn't just come back. I guess she heard Ali talking about what happened, but she was 8 then so she's just been piecing things together."

"You told her what happened?"

"I didn't volunteer details, but she had questions."

"I don't know what to do with her," Geoff admitted, he cast a side long glance at Callie, "Her emotions are all over the place, we've tried to respect that, but we can't wait forever."

"Puberty," Callie sighed and glanced back at the house.

Addison groaned, "She's just a baby."

Geoff nodded in agreement, "It can't go any worse then Ali."

Addison smirked, "Well I should go. I need to call Derek and tell him we found her."

"I told him," Callie crossed her arms over her chest against the slight chill creeping into the air, "He was walking the dog around the school and the park. He went home to clean up the mess from supper."

XXXX

It was after dark before Addison got home.

"Hey." Derek greeted her from his spot on the front steps, "Beer?"

"You aren't suppose to be drinking."

"It's a beer Addison," he took a sip and passed it over to her, "And I'm perfectly healthy."

She took a long drink from the bottle and set down beside him, but keeping the bottle out of his reach.

"Where did you find Daisy? Why'd she run away? She's 10."

"She was upset," Addison paused, she didn't want to get into it, "Did you go to HR?"

"What could she have to be upset about? _Geoffrey's_ her father."

"Derek…" Addison shook her head, "I hate when you do that. He's a good man."

"I'm aware. You almost married him."

"Well he's marrying Callie so you can get over it now," she snapped back. She took another sip of beer and looked over at Derek.

"They're getting married?"

"Yeah."

"That's why Daisy ran away?"

"She's got a lot of things going on in her head. She was still hoping Geoff and I would get back together."

Derek examined her face for a moment, "Are you upset that he's marrying Callie?" he accused.

"No," Addison avoided his gaze, "Did you go to HR or not? Because it's been a year and you still haven't changed your address––"

"You're _upset_ that Geoffrey is marrying Callie!"

"No! I'm not."

"You're jealous."

"I'm _not_ jealous," Addison shook her head vehemently and looked him straight in the eye, "I'm not _jealous_." She turned away again and was silent as she collected her thoughts, "I don't _want_ her to like Callie more."

"Addison…" Derek stopped short of rolling his eyes.

"No. I planned birthday parties for her, I helped her with her homework, I arranged baby sitters and play-dates and swimming lessons. I took care of her when she was sick, I even stayed home from work because she was throwing up. I don't want her loving Callie more. It's not fair."

"God. Addison. That's just… come on," he stood and walked into the house.

Addison shook her head and finished the beer. He didn't understand. How could he.

XXXX

"She hates me."

Addison closed her eyes for a moment, "Callie, it's really late."

"It's 10:30," Callie replied dismissively, "She's _hates _me."

"She doesn't hate you," Addison shivered, she was still sitting stubbornly on the front porch and it was rather cold, "She just… she doesn't know you like that yet."

"We've been together for almost 2 years! Officially together, not just… whatever."

"I think it just feels sudden for her. I went through the same thing with Ali."

"I should have moved in sooner. We did this wrong. We should have told her how serious we were."

"Callie, there is no right way––"

"There is. Ali took it hard when you started spending the night, so we didn't do that. You lived with them for a year before you got engaged so we didn't move in together until after. You told the kids right away but we waited 3 months and didn't tell Daisy until we picked a date and had things planned. Oh God. We should have included her more. We just thought… I don't know what we were _thinking_."

Addison took this all in, slowly processing, "Do you think she's to attached to me?"

"No. No no. We just wanted our relationship to be stable for her, and, well, permanent. Just in case…"

"But… so, you didn't want her to get attached to you in case it didn't work out? Because she's attached to me, and I left."

"No, not like," Callie hesitated, "Well, yeah."

Addison groaned, "I'm sorry."

"It's fine," Callie replied, "But could you help me out, I don't know what to do with her. We got alone fine until things got serious. I thought Ali was going to be the problem. Although there isn't much I can do if she still wants to call you all the time, she lives in New York that you're all New Yorky."

"I'm sorry," Addison apologized again, "I… I can help," she offered hesitantly, "I mean, you helped me with Ali."

"Ali thought her mother was going to come back," Callie shot back in frustration.

"Daisy doesn't remember Leanne ever being there. She barely remembers before I moved in," Addison spoke softly, knowing it wasn't helping her case but that it might help Daisy's.

"Well for––" There was a pause and Addison could hear Callie cursing and hitting something, maybe a wall, "What am I suppose to do with _that?_ We are getting married in _12 weeks_."

"That soon?"

"_Yes, that soon. What the hell is the point in waiting? Other then his daughters hate me, one of them is to busy to come to the wedding and the other is locked in her room begging to be allowed to live with you!"_

"She said that?"

"_Repeatedly_!"

"I'm sorry."

Callie groaned, "Would you stop apologizing and help me fix this? I swear, you are the worst best friend on the face of the planet."

"Well, one solution would be that you let her come live with me."

"Geoff's not going to go for that. Although with the way she's acting lately, I'm tempted."

Addison smiled, "Well, I dunno, just do things with her. I bought stuff for Ali. Special dresses to wear to dances, I'd take her to get her nails done instead of taking her to first period. I took her to a few movies that Geoff wouldn't let her see with her friends, I mean I saw them first so I knew there wasn't anything to to bad in them, but… I dunno, just be her friend."

"But, I'm suppose to be her stepmother."

"She's got Geoff to parent her. I didn't parent them at all, I just spoiled them."

Callie scoffed, "You parented them. Trust me."

"I just loved them. And sometimes I picked them over Geoff and let them do things he wouldn't so they'd know I was on their side. Geoff's pretty forgiving about stuff like that as long as you put out later, and as long as you don't put them in danger. Ali really wanted to try bungee jumping. She didn't get to."

"Okay."

"Daisy likes to make things," Addison offered, "She likes those kits where in the end you end up with a t-shirt or a picture frame. And she likes beads and making necklaces and things."

"She used to like watching football."

"I'm sure she'll come around."

"But stop parenting her?"

"For now. She won't listen to you if she doesn't like you."

"Okay," Callie audibly took a deep breath, "Okay. I can do that. Thanks Addison."

"You're welcome." Addison snapped her phone shut and dropped her head down against her lap. She felt like she was handing her kids over to someone else. She sat up and flipped her phone open again, raised an eyebrow when she got an answering machine, then tried a second number, "Alison _Louise."_

"Addison?" Ali replied groggily, "It's 2 o'clock in the morning."

"I'm aware. You are going to call your father right now and tell him that your plans have changed and you can make it to his wedding after all."

"But––"

"Alison. It's his wedding. I will pay for your ticket, I will pay for your dates ticket. You are going to that wedding," Addison told her firmly.

"Okay, okay." Ali agreed, Addison could almost hear her rolling her eyes.

"Then I want you to ask to talk to Callie and tell her how happy you are and ask if you can be her Maid of Honour."

"What?!"

"Alison!" Addison snapped.

"Okay! God. What the hell, Addison."

"Daisy is giving them a hard time and they need someone on their side."

"They seem to have _you_ on their side."

"They don't care if I'm on their side. I'm not family. Now," Addison changed the subject, "Why did I get your answering machine when I called your apartment at 2 o'clock in the morning?"

"Ugh. Don't tell Dad."

XXXX

Derek was already in bed by the time she trudged up the stairs and into their bedroom. The lights were off and he was on his side facing away from her side of the bed. She was pretty sure that he was still awake. She didn't think he could actually sleep knowing that she was sitting outside in the cold. She took her time changing into her pajama's –– her favorites with the white silk and the hints of black lace –– and brushing her teeth, washing her face and combing out her hair.

Sadie padded into the room, saw that she was going to bed, checked on Derek, then padded back downstairs to sprawl out on the couch she wasn't allowed up on.

Addison listened to the jangle of Sadie's tags as she settled onto the furniture, then crawled into bed and stared up at the ceiling. "I'm not apologizing," she said after a long silent pause, "I'm not sorry. I just want you to understand."

Derek didn't move or respond.

"What if it was Julie?"

She could feel his body tense up.

"I know that if Julie was still alive that you'd probably be with Meredith and not me, but just say, hypothetically, that she was alive and you were with me. How would you feel about Alex being a father to Julie?"

"Alex and Meredith aren't together."

"No. But… he's completely devoted to her and her baby. He'd be just as devoted to Julie."

Derek didn't reply, but he did roll on to his back so he could watch her out of the corner of his eye.

She rolled on to her side to face him, "I don't like the idea that Callie is going to be their mother. Those are my kids Derek. I love them and I don't like that Callie is going to be there for all kinds of stuff that I'm going to miss. Alison calls me and tells me stuff now, but how much longer is that going to last? And Daisy, I've been there since she was 5, that's half her life. I picked out her clothes for her first day of school. I was there when she lost her first tooth. She's my little girl and now I have to hand her over to Callie."

"She's not yours though Addison, you aren't her mother."

"You don't get to tell me how to feel about this Derek," tears welled up in her eyes, "I love them. They should have some sort of custody for situations like this."

Derek chuckled and rolled over to face her.

"They should. I should get them every other weekend and two weeks in the summer."

"Addison," he shook his head sadly, "You can't have them." He tried to smile at her, but couldn't quite see the silver lining, "But they are always going to love you."

"I want them to love me the most."

"Then you should have married Geoff."

Addison stilled, the last few tears sliding down her cheeks. The corners of her mouth quirked up slightly, and she relaxed, "Thank you."

"For what?" He asked as she wiped the tears off her cheeks and lean over to kiss his cheek.

"Reminding me why I didn't marry him. I love you the most."

XXXX

**November**

"Yeah," Callie cracked her knuckles with glee, "We are going to have to break it and reset it. I'll get my hammer."

Mark chuckled, then turned to his patient to assure him that that Callie was not as sadistic as she seemed.

"Cal," Addison popped her head in the room, "Can I talk to you a second?"

"Sure," she turned back to the patient, "I'll be right back with my mallet." She stepped into the hallway with Addison, "What's up. What's wrong?"

Addison shook her head, her eyes were slightly watery, "Daisy just called me."

"Is something wrong?" Callie's brow furrowed, Daisy was at home alone for the hour between school letting out and Geoff getting home. It was a new arrangement that Geoff wasn't completely sold on.

"No," Addison replied hesitantly, "She got her period."

"_What!_ She's _10_!"

"It happens," Addison looked away and blinked quickly to hold back the tears.

"What do I do?" Callie panicked, "We don't even have … in the house, I have… oh god, I'm not giving a 10 year old tampons."

"Here," Addison passed her a white paper bag, "It's my job to have these things laying around."

Callie peered in the bag, "I can't handle this," she pulled a pad out of the bag and waved it in the air, "This is _huge_."

Addison shrugged, "Maybe you should take her shopping then."

Callie dropped her hands to her side and stared at Addison. Addison was pale, but with bright sploches of red on her cheeks and glassy eyes. "Maybe you should do this. She called you. She might be more comfortable talking to you."

Addison shook her head and avoided Callie's eye, "No. You should go. It should be you. I'll call her tomorrow or something."

"Okay," Callie backed away, still holding the bag trepidatiously, "Thanks Addison."

Addison nodded, her arms wrapped protectively around her, "No, problem."

XXXX

"Daz?" Callie stepped through the front door and kicked the sprinkling of wet snow off her shoes, "Daz? You okay kiddo?"

Daisy looked up from the couch in surprise and glanced around Callie, clearly looking for Addison.

"Addison told me," Callie stepped into the living room and set the white paper bag on the coffee table, then sat on the couch beside Daisy.

Daisy stared anxiously at the bag.

"You know what's happening right? You don't think your dying or anything?"

Daisy nodded.

"And you feel okay? Is your stomach upset or anything?"

Daisy considered this, confusion evident on her face, "My back is a little sore."

"Yeah. That normal. There are pills that can help that." Callie steeled herself and dumped the contents of the bag on the table and picked up a pad and held it in both her hands, "Okay. So. Do you know how these work? There is, like, tape on the back so you just peel the paper off and stick it on. And sometimes they have… wings. So you just … fold those over, the side…" Callie trailed off awkwardly.

"Okay," Daisy spoke softly.

Callie fell back against the couch, "I know you'd rather have Addison here, I think I'd rather have Addison here; Addison would have a little speech about how this is a big day and you're growing up and how amazing getting your period is cause it means your body is getting ready to have babies… but it's Addison's job to think all that stuff is cool and miraculous. Right now you probably just feel like crap."

Daisy smiled slightly.

Callie smiled. "It get's easier," she assured her, "I mean I still hate getting mine, but after a few months you'll just start rolling your eyes and dealing with it. You get used to it."

Daisy looked at her like she didn't believe her at all.

"Do you think you can handle this?" Callie dumped everything back in the bag and handed it to her.

"Yeah," Daisy replied uncertainly.

"When you're ready we can do to the store and get something more comfortable," Callie glanced at the bag, "Those are for made women big and older then you. We can get you something smaller. But that can wait until after supper if you want. Whatever you feel like."

"Can we go before Dad comes home?"

"Whenever you're ready."

XXXX

Daisy stared wide eyed at the rows and rows of coloured boxes and packages.

"I know, it's ridiculous how much there is to choose from," Callie looked everything over too, "Usually you just figure it out by trial and error or because they don't have what you want and you end up buying something that in the end you like better."

"Can you just pick something so we can go?" Daisy glanced around nervously.

Callie kept a straight face, they were alone in the aisle, "Sure. How about these? They're pretty thin so you won't notice them that much. And these ones are in decorated travel packs so you can keep them in your bookbag and no one will know what they are."

Daisy's eyes widened at the thought of carrying them to school.

"It's okay," Callie assured her, "The only way your friends will know what it is is if they have them too." She tossed a few more boxes in to their basket and turned to leave the aisle, "Okay, now we need something for supper."

XXXX

"What are you doing home already?"

Callie turned away from the oven and smiled, "I left early."

"Ahh," Geoff rested his hands on her shoulders and kissed her, "Hi."

"Hey," Callie grinned.

"What's for supper?"

"You know sometimes I think you only love me for my cooking."

"I love you for your heart." Geoff moved away and leaned against the counter, "But really, what's for supper?"

"Nacho's and chocolate milk." Callie grinned, "We're eating in the living room with a movie. Daisy rented 4."

"It's a school night."

"Ya. I told her she could stay home tomorrow."

Geoff frowned.

"Don't freak out," Callie beckoned him over and covered his mouth with her thumbs so he couldn't speak, "Daisy got her period."

Geoff's eye's widened and he let out a squeak from the back of his throat.

"But, don't let on that you know. I took care of it." Callie patted his cheek and pulled the nachos out of the oven.

"She went to you?" Geoff's eyes lit up.

"Well, no, she called Addison. But Addison told me and I came home and talked her through stuff. We were fine. I don't think she's traumatically scarred or anything"

"I think you're doing great."

"You're just glad you didn't have to do it."

"Callie, the previews are over," Daisy wandered into the kitchen, "Oh. Hi Dad."

"Hey, how was school?"

"Fine. Is supper ready?"

"Yup, someone just needs to carry that stuff out to the couch," Callie nodded to the plates and bowls of sour cream and salsa.

"I'll take it," Geoff offered, winking at Callie as he passed.

"How does that look?" Callie picked up the huge tray of nachos.

"Good," Daisy nodded, "I really like your nachos."

"I know Addison probably would have let you order pizza or Chinese or something––" Callie still felt bad for showing up when Daisy clearly wanted Addison there.

"No, I like your nachos better."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Addison can't really cook. She puts weird things on everything, weird cheeses and vegetables. Pizza and Chinese are just safer."

XXXX

"She asleep?"

"Yeah," Geoff collapsed heavily on the bed and kicked a blanket out of the way, "It took her awhile, I think she has a lot on her mind. What are you eating?"

"Reheated nachos," she flipped the channel from football coverage to Access Hollywood, then stretched so her hands hung over the foot of the bed, "Can you pass me a pillow?"

Geoff threw her a pillow which she stuffed under her chin, then he leaned forward and piled the rest of the pillows behind his back.

"What do you want for supper tomorrow night? I'm staying home, so whatever you want."

"Or I could take you out."

Callie glanced back over her shoulder, "Or you could take me out," she smiled at him, "You deserve a lasagna."

Geoff laughed and leaned over towards her resting his hands on her thigh, "How's your leg today."

"Oh," she groaned, "Don't do that, it hurts."

"It only hurts for a second," he rubbed his thumbs gently into the muscles in her thigh, "And it hurts more when I don't. Do you want it to be tight tomorrow?"

"No," she pouted, sending a pitiful look his way. It really did only hurt for a minute, then it started to feel good. "Addison was really upset."

Geoff paused for a minute then continued to work on her hamstring.

"And I was ready to let her come over and talk to Daisy. I'm not really… maternal. But I'm glad that I came. I think this will be okay."

"You _think_ this will be okay? You had doubts?" He teased, "About Daisy or our marriage?"

"Our marriage wasn't going to work if Daisy never accepted me." Callie pointed out as she rolled over onto her back, "She's your kid."

"What about our kids?"

Callie tilted her head to the side, "I don't need to have kids of my own. I'm happy with Ali and Daisy," she propped herself up on her elbows, "And I'd want to wait for a few years after we got married and it's just not fair to Ali and Daisy to expect them to be excited for a new sibling when they are in their teens and early twenties."

Geoff sighed and leaned closer, his hands dragging up her sides under her tanktop, "Don't take this the wrong way, but I really don't care. I want our kids. Daisy and Ali don't get votes."

"Geoff, I didn't want to say anything, but you're getting kinda old to be having more kids," she teased, "I don't think you're up to it."

"I'm up to it," he assured her, "I'm getting you pregnant," he promised, "And I want them to look like you. I want flawless olive skin, and big beautiful brown eyes and an unreasonable amount of curly black hair."

"And boys," Callie added.

"Yes," Geoff sat up and moved back to lean against the headboard, "If you could. No more girls."

"Okay," Callie laughed, rolling back on to her stomach so she could see the TV, "We can have boys. But I'm naming them Beckham, Diego and Paco."

Geoff snorted, "For the love of god, turn it back to Sportscenter."

XXXX

True to her word Callie didn't wake Daisy up for school the next day, instead letting her sleep until she woke up at 10:30. Callie had the day off anyway, so she spent the morning doing laundry and making lasagna.

"Callie?"

"Ya, Daz?" Callie turned as a bed-headed Daisy climbed into a stool at the counter.

"What about my soccer tryouts?"

"What about them?"

"They're tomorrow morning."

"Daisy, you can still play soccer."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Actually you should play, the best things to do when you have your period are to either lay around eating chocolate ice cream or play sports."

"Really?" Daisy asked doubtfully.

"Ya. We can play right now."

"It's raining."

"We'll play inside. Go get your sneakers."

10 minutes later Callie had dragged an old hockey net of Geoff's into the unfinished basement and was dribbling a ball around the cement floor.

"Are we allowed to do this?"

"I won't tell if you don't."

Daisy hesitated then grinned, "Okay."

Callie grinned back, "Now, I'm pretty good at soccer, so try to keep up."

Daisy rolled her eyes, "I'm the best in my class."

"We'll see."

45 minutes later Daisy was panting and exhausted; Callie wasn't doing much better.

"Callie?" Daisy gasped collapsing on the bottom step, "Can you coach us?"

"Your soccer team?"

"Yeah. It would be awesome. Mrs. Tribby is having a baby so we need a new coach after Christmas."

Callie's eyes grew wide in surprise, and she grinned, "Yeah. If you want me to I'd love to coach you."

"Okay," Daisy jumped up, her energy restored like only a 10 year old's can, "What's for lunch."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

LOL. So when I came up with the idea for the chapter I had this big long conversation through txt with sarah over whether or not poor Daisy getting her period was crossing some sort of fic line that we don't cross. Anyway. I like this chapter. Addison has passed the torch on too Callie after doing her last little bit of parenting and ordering Ali to the wedding. But, they will all be okay. I have this image in my head of Daisy being like 13 and Callie is her soccer coach and is yelling at the ref for some unfair play against Daisy, all the while with a sleeping baby strapped to her chest with one of those all natural sling things that look like the baby could fall out at any minute, meanwhile Addison is in the stands dressed head to toe in Daisy's team colours and yelling at the ref right along with Callie.

The other thing I had trouble with was figuring out how Callie and Geoff acted towards each other when it was just the two of them. I knew they love each other, and I knew that they were best friends, but it was hard thinking of them in a romantic sense because the only one you ever say him like that with was Addison. But I like them together, I find them very relaxed and happy. Honestly if I had to be in a relationship like anyones in this fic I'd want to be Geoff and Callie.

Okay. Review. And I mean it this time. Like no one did on the last chapter. And it made me sad. And depressed. Very sad and very depressed.

I'll go on a hunger strike. I'll do it.


	9. Be Be Your Love: Year 3

Well, that only took me a few millennium to get around to writing. I was easily distracted. By everything.

Luckily the rest of the fic is finished. I just have to polish it up and make it shiny. Or reread it quickly and get it out there. Anyway, Adrienne is in this chapter, so that should be fun.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

XXXX

Year 3

XXXX

**January**

"Coming over to keep me company?"

"It's not long now." Addison sat down on the couch beside Sydney and smoothly crossed her legs and pointed her feet to draw attention to her boots. She narrowed her eyes for a second to contemplate a scuff on the toe, but decided it was simply a shadow.

"I'm so bored though," Sydney whined, "My baby names list is now 3 pages long, 2 columns per page, front _and_ back."

"Any new ones since the last time we talked?"

"Dixie. Ginger. Jezebel. Then I thought I'd go in a different direction and I added Jane and Mary. Then I started watching reruns of _The Golden Girls_ and Blanche started to sound _really _good. But after a couple episodes so did Estelle, Dorothy and Rose. They I went on a flower kick and added Lilly and Violet and Magnolia."

"Magnolia?" Addison's mind started wandering. She wanted cake.

"_Steel Magnolia's_ was on. Which brought me to tears and I added Shelby and Truvey. Olympia, Dolly and Sally."

"Do you have any boys names picked out?"

Sydney fixed her with a look, "Why bother," she looked over at her three daughters, all hitting each other with balloons, "It's a girl. It's always a girl. They will all be girls."

"So you're hating being on bed rest," Addison stated more then asked, she was still mostly thinking about cake. And ice cream.

"Can't you just superglue something shut so I can live my life and enjoy my twins birthday party?"

"3 more weeks," Addison pretended to relent, "3 more weeks and I promise I'll consider letting you get up."

"I've already been sitting on this couch for 6 weeks. I can't do this anymore. I'm not even really pregnant yet. I could still see my feet if I was allowed to stand up."

"You aren't doing it for you, you are doing it for the baby, You are being a caring parent, following all my instructions and being prudent about making sure your baby is born as healthy as possible."

Sydney sighed, "Hand me that notebook. I'm adding Prudence to the list," she glanced up as Mark appeared at the door with the birthday cake, Laura and Derek trailed behind him with plates and napkins. "They're taking the girls to the zoo next weekend."

"Who? Mark and Laura?"

"Yeah," Sydney watched them pensively, "Do you ever worry about me and Derek?"

"No!" Addison smirked.

"We spend a lot of time together!" Sydney protested with a laugh.

"Doesn't worry me. I know him well enough to know if he's looking at someone else like that. And you aren't his type."

"Yeah," Sydney smiled at her husband, "Mark looks at me like that." She went back to her list, "Although I'd feel better if Mark had some prude-like qualities; everyone with breasts is his type."

_Ring. Ring Ring._

"Sorry," Addison's brow furrowed and she dug her cell out of the pocket of her jeans. "Hello?"

"Addison," her mother's voice replied, "I have some bad news."

"Hold on," Addison stood and retreated to the empty kitchen, "What's wrong?"

"It's your father. He died Addison."

"What?" Her voice squeaked as she leaned heavily against the counter.

"He died."

"What?" Addison's voice rose again and broke as she covered her face with her hand.

"I don't know the details. I just read it in the newspaper this morning. The funeral is tomorrow."

"Does Adrienne know?"

"No. I haven't called her yet, though I hardly think she'd care."

"Are you going to the funeral?"

"I was with him for 10 years," her mother told her firmly, "He is the father of two of my daughters."

"Okay," Addison agreed softly, "I'll go with you."

"If you'd like."

"I don't want you to go alone," Addison wiped the tears from the corner of her eyes.

"I should call your sister. Do you know how to reach her," Addison's mothers voice was starting to waver.

"Her book is being released in Dublin this week. I can call her."

"i'll do it."

"You shouldn't have to deal with Adrienne right now. I'll call her."

"Are you okay Addison?"

"I'm fine," Addison forced her voice to stay steady, "I'll call Adrienne right now so she can get a flight home. I'll be there tonight. Okay? Mom?"

"Call me after you talk––" her voice gave out and she finished in a rush of tears and emotion, "––talk to your sister and let me know your plans."

Addison listened to the dial tone buzzing in her ear, then dropped the phone to the counter so she could rest both her hands against it. Her tears splashed against the countertop.

"We need bowls. Lola's cake can't touch the–– what's wrong?"

Instead of startling her, Derek's voice right behind her comforted her. "My father died." Her frame curled into itself slightly and she started to sob quietly.

He rubbed her shoulders gently, then slipped his arms around her waist and rested his forehead against the back of her neck.

"This is stupid. I rarely spoke to him. It's been years since he's even called me."

He kissed her neck and continued to hold her tightly against him. She breathed deeply and he rubbed his hands up and down her arms.

"I need to call Adrienne. And I promised my mother that I'd fly out there this afternoon. The funeral is tomorrow."

"You can do that in a few minutes." He leaned away from her and turned her in his arms to she was facing him. He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her softly, "What happened?"

"I don't know," Addison shook her head and stared at his chest, "I just talked to my mother. She just found out. I need to call Adrienne."

"Hold on, hold on," he stopped her, "You can take a few minutes––"

"No. I need to call her," Addison turned out of his arms and reached for her phone, "She needs to know."

"Wait until we get home," Derek urged, "Please, Add. I'll take you home. Right now," his eyes pleaded with her. "You should do this at home."

She looked up at him, looking him in the eye for the first time. He was right, they should go home where there was more privacy. "Okay."

XXXX

"So?" she demanded, "What do you want me to do?"

"The funerals tomorrow. Can you get a flight out tonight?"

Adrienne was silent.

"Adrienne!"

"I'm not going to go."

"Adri––"

"I don't care. Addison. I don't care that he's dead! He was never there. Birthday cards and a trust fund is not enough! He was 40 years to late and I don't care!"

"I do!" Addison's voice broke, "I care. He's our _father. _I care and I want you there. I don't care if you don't care about him, care about _m_e! _I need you there!"_

"Okay," Adrienne agreed. She didn't care about her father, but when it came down to it Addison was the only family she had that she hadn't given birth to herself, and she'd never let her sister down.

"Thank you."

"I'm only doing this for you."

XXXX

Derek passed the handle of her suitcase into Addison's hand and attempted to look her in the eye. "I wish I could go with you."

She gave him a small smile, "I wish you could too. But you need to stay here."

"If I find someone that can cover for me I'll fly out tomorrow morning," he promised.

"Okay," she nodded, knowing that he'd never find someone with his skills to preform the surgery he had scheduled for the next day. "I'll call you when I get there."

"I'm going to call you tonight, if you want to talk. Or call whenever," he offered awkwardly, "I want to be there with you."

"I have to go," she let her fingers drag over his hand.

"Okay. Call me," he instructed, cupping her cheek in his hand and leaning over to kiss her other cheek.

"I will."

XXXX

Addison sat in her room staring at her reflection in the mirror. She heard the taxi pull up, she heard Adrienne open the front door. Addison heard their younger sister greet Adrienne and tell her she was upstairs in her room and that their mother was in the master bedroom. She heard the small talk about Adrienne's kids and Abigail's upcoming wedding and some man that Adrienne met who knows where, doing who knows what.

She heard the footsteps coming up the stairs and the door to Adrienne's room open.

"She read about it in the paper?" Adrienne stormed through the bathroom that separated their rooms. "Seriously? No one thought to _call her_?"

"She's the mistress," Addison continued to stare at her reflection in the mirror.

"I think that a 10 year relationship and 2 children warrants a phone call." Adrienne collapsed on the bed, "How'd he even die?"

"Pneumonia," Addison stared blankly at a freckle near her hairline, "His immune system was weak."

"He drank to much."

"He was old Adrienne, he was just to old. He wasn't an alcoholic. He didn't smoke. He was just an otherwise healthy 75 year old man who got sick."

"That abandoned us."

"He had other responsibilities."

"He had another family that was more important. He never cared about us so why should we care about him? He's _dead_."

Addison stoically held back her tears, but turned her face so that Adrienne couldn't see her grief reflecting in the mirror."

Adrienne rolled her eyes, "I'm going to see mom."

"_Maybe_ you could try to be a little more sensitive with _her_," Addison suggested softly as Adrienne swept out of the room, "She loved him."

XXXX

"I'm just going to go to bed early."

"You sure? It's not that late," his voice smiled over the phone, "I don't mind keeping you up to talk."

Addison's lips twitched almost into a smile, "It's going to be a long day tomorrow."

"Yeah," Derek agreed, "I'll leave you with Adrienne for comfort then. Try to get at least 5 hours of beauty sleep, okay."

"Okay," she whispered as she held the phone tightly, "Night, Derek."

"Good Night, Addison."

Addison curled herself into her pillows and pulled the blankets up to her chin. She could hear Adrienne in her room talking to her publisher, promising to fly back to Ireland the next evening. The tears started to fall and she wiped them from her cheeks with the edge of her blanket. She could hear her sister wrapping up her phone call so she slipped from her bed and locked the door that connected her room to Adrienne's and crawled back into her bed with her phone. Minutes later the doorknob jiggled as Adrienne tried to get in.

Addison ignored her and hit redial on her phone.

"Addison?"

"I don't like sleeping alone."

"It's been 7 minutes. Where's Adrienne?"

"I locked her out."

"Add––"

"She doesn't care Derek. I need someone that cares."

"I should have come with you."

"I want to come _home_," the tears started in earnest at the word home.

"Two more days."

"It's to long," Addison curled towards what would be his side of the bed, "I don't want to be alone. I want to be with you."

"Want me to talk to you until you fall asleep?"

"I want to go _home_."

"Addison?" There was a soft knock at the door, "Addison?" the door opened and her mother stepped through. She took a long look at her daughter and her tearstained face and the phone clutched in her hand. She sat down softly on the edge of the bed and smoothed out the comforter that had been on Addison's bed for the past 15 years. "Is that Derek?"

Addison nodded as a few more tears leaked from the corners of her eyes.

She reached for the phone and moved it away from Addison's face. Addison didn't let go, her hand following the phone to rest on the bedspread. "I envy you," she said with a small smile, "I envy you for being strong enough to be with Derek. I wish I had been strong enough to do that."

Addison blinked hard.

"You made it so simple. You just decided you loved him and just ignored everything else. I wish I had been able to ignore everything and just be in love with your father. I should have been smart enough to know it was that simple." She paused and looked at the phone wistfully, "Stop crying and go to sleep Addison. You don't want to have puffy eyes for the funeral."

"Was that your mom?" Derek asked as Addison pressed the phone back to her ear.

"Yes," her eyes drifted shut and the last few tears trailed down her cheeks, "She thinks we're simple. She envy's us for being together."

Derek was silent for a long moment, "Are you ready to get some sleep?"

"Will you stay and talk to me?"

"All night if you want me to."

XXXX

Addison stood slightly behind her mother, watching out of the corner of her eye.

"You're a relation?" The usher asked, glancing at Adrienne and Addison's red hair.

"We're his daughters," Adrienne spoke pointedly, staring down the usher who surely knew who they were.

"We can sit in the back," Addison spoke softly, attempting to distance them from the looks they were starting to get. Their bright red hair, as always, was a beacon of unwanted speculation.

Their mother stared straight ahead at the coffin at the end of the aisle.

"We'll sit up front," Adrienne decided, nodding at the usher to lead the way.

They sat 3 rows from the front, on the opposite side of the aisle from their half-sister and her mother. Addison caught Waverly's eye and nodded.

Waverly blinked a few tears away gave her a small smile.

Addison watched as her estranged half-sister gave the niece Addison was barely getting to know a stern look, then trained her eyes back to the front of the church.

Her mother squeezed her hand tight and Addison glanced over to see that she had the same tight grip on Adrienne's hand. "I want to see him," she whispered.

"Mom," Addison protested softly.

"Okay," Adrienne cut in, shifting slightly as she prepared to stand.

"Adrienne," the urgency in Addison's voice made her sister pause, "We shouldn't…"

"We are _entitled_ Addison. We have just as much a right to see him as they do. He is just as much our father as he is Virginia's. And our mother deserves to grieve him just as much as his wife does," Adrienne shifted forward so she could stare at her sister past her mothers motionless figure, "If you don't want to walk up there with _our_ mother and see Dad, then you can just stay here."

Addison stared at her. Adrienne's eyes, the eyes that were the one feature besides the curl in Adrienne's hair that made them look significantly different, staring back at her as if she was the most insensitive cowardly person in the room. "Okay," she agreed reluctantly, "O_kay_."

They walked slowly to the front of the church, all eyes on them as the stopped in front of the coffin. Their mother took a hesitant step closer and peered at the father of her eldest children. "He looks handsome. I love him in blue," she continued to stare at him taking in the sprinkling of ginger hair still visible, "You girls look so much like him."

Adrienne touched her mane of curls, while Addison smoothed hers needlessly into it's pristine bun.

Their mother squeezed their hands again, "Lets sit down."

XXXX

Her free hand was clenched in a fist to prevent it from nervously fixing her hair. The funeral was over, they were walking down the front steps of the church. Addison hadn't cried, she'd stared at her lap for the 67 minute service and told herself that she wouldn't embarrass herself by falling apart. It wasn't her place to publicly grieve.

"Sylvia?" The trio paused at the bottom of the church steps.

"Patricia," Sylvia Montgomery stood up a bit straighter and squared her shoulders, "I'm so sorry for your loss. Your husband was a good man."

"Thank you," Patricia nodded as she considered what etiquette dictates, "Girls," she smiled weakly at Addison and Adrienne, "Your father would be glad that you were able to come."

"Thank you, ," they answered in unison, much the same as they did on they rare occasions they encountered her as children.

"Your latest book is being released soon?" Patricia Forbes addressed Adrienne, "I read the early release copy of your fathers; I found it quite enjoyable. How is 'Nora' doing now? Did she find her new lease on life?"

"She did," Adrienne replied politely, "She just had a baby boy. He's about 18 months old now. She's very happy."

"I"m glad. I worried about her. She went through so much. I identified with a lot of what she went through. And Addison, you're doing well? Waverly tells me she works with your … Dr. Shepherd. And I saw you've had some things published recently; I'm afraid I couldn't quite follow what they were all about."

"You're not the only one," Sylvia forced herself to smile. Addison and Adrienne could feel her trembling between them.

"Yes. Well. We are doing the reading of the will this afternoon. I'd imagine the three of you will be mentioned, you are certainly invited to join us at the house."

"Thank you Patricia," Sylvia accepted for her daughters, "But, I think it would be best if I did not attend. Addison and Adrienne will go, it will be good for them to spend time with their sister and nieces and nephew."

"Mom," Addison and Adrienne protested unanimously.

"I'll see you at home for dinner," she squeezed their hands and kissed them each on the cheek, "Patricia, I am so sorry."

Patricia smiled and nodded, "Thank you, Sylvia."

XXXX

Ten percent of the shares.

Addison slipped silently from the den were she'd been leaning against the back wall as she listened to the reading of her fathers will. It was as she expected, in the event of his death preceding his wife, everything went to her along with 25 percent of his controlling 55 percent of the Forbes Foundation. His children, Virginia, Addison and Adrienne split the remaining 30 percent equally. Sylvia Montgomery kept the house he'd bought her, the deed now in her name, and a trust she could draw from should she ever need it.

Addison wandered into her father's study. She'd only been in this house a handful of times, the last time when she was 13 and was sent home from school after the school nurse diagnosed her with mononucleosis. Her mother had been unreachable. Her father's driver had picked her up and brought her here.

The study hadn't changed. She ran her fingers over the smooth wood of his desk. The desk she'd leaned against as her father lectured 10 year old Adrienne and 14 year old Virginia for a fist fight they'd had in school. She touched the toe of her shoe to the carpet where the blood from Virginia's nose had dripped.

He'd done his best, she guessed, considering.

He had a wife and a daughter. He'd loved them in his own way. He took care of them however he could. They went to good schools, met the right people to get the jobs they wanted. They had the money to go on the school trips that their friends went on, and the spending money to buy the little odds and ends that they wanted. He brought them presents on Boxing Day, and when they were little he stayed to watch them open them. He brought them books and clothes and games when he'd show up in the afternoon to visit their mother. He gave them a kitten when Virginia's cat had a litter.

She picked up a picture off the bookcase.

Virginia and a Pony.

And another. Virginia in Rome.

Virginia at her son's wedding.

His office seemed to be a picture display of Virginia growing up.

But then she started noticing the other pictures.

Her high school graduation picture between those of Adrienne and Virginia in a single frame.

Her wedding picture.

Pictures of Adrienne's children.

Her and Adrienne missing their front teeth in front of a Christmas tree.

A dozen pictures that proved that he loved her. No more and no less then the daughter he had with his wife.

Her father didn't care that her mother was the mistress.

She was still his little girl.

"What are you doing in here?"

Addison spun around in surprise.

"What are you doing in here?" Virginia repeated as she stepped further into the room.

"I'm sorry," Addison apologized automatically, but continued to survey the room silently.

Virginia shot her a look and bent to open a cupboard to retrieve a bottle of whiskey, "Your sister is making a scene."

"What's she doing?" Addison asked, not in the least bit surprised.

"She's signing copies of her book for my mother and all her friends."

"That sounds like her."

"And her hair. Everyone knows who she is, did she have to make her hair so loud and obnoxious and _red_."

"We don't have any control over the colour of our hair, Virginia."

Virginia snorted softly and sipped at her whisky. She sat in one of the chairs in front of the desk.

"I asked her to pull her hair back. You're right, she was making a statement," Addison conceded.

"It was unnecessary. Everyone knows. You were the worst kept secret in Connecticut," the whiskey sloshed gently in the glass, "Everyone knew. I was 4. I knew. Daddy had a lady friend. She didn't leave town, she didn't hide it, she walked around town like it was her right." Virginia shrugged. "They used to scream at each other, my parents."

"I'm sorry."

"And there were two of you," Virginia continued as if it made a difference. She tapped her foot but kept her legs primly crossed. Her long hair reflected the sun, it had faded to copper since the last time Addison had seen her, "And you looked just like me, you more then Adrienne, I guess. But there are pictures where I'm not sure if it's me or one of you. Both of you were always right there, and Adrienne thinks it's her right to flaunt who she is."

"What's wrong with who she is? She just doesn't want to be forgotten."

"Who's going to forget her. All people ever see is my father's illegitimate daughters."

"And Adrienne sees her father's legitimate daughter who got to see her father everyday, that got to spend Christmas and birthdays with her father, that had parents with the same last name," Addison's brow furrowed, "You got the family vacations to Europe and the Cape. You got the family portraits and your father walked you down the aisle when you got married. Do you know how unfair that was? That I walked down the aisle by myself because your baby was being christened the same day?"

"I didn't know."

"I invited you to the wedding Gin, you knew."

"He gave you everything."

"I know. I'm his daughter. We both are," Addison raised a brow pointedly.

Virginia pursed her lips then took another sip of her whisky, "I still don't like your sister. She's practically dancing on Dad's grave."

"I know," Addison rolled her eyes and sat down across from her half sister, breathing out harshly through her nose, "She's tacky." Addison's phone rang shrilly, interrupting what could have been an awkward silence. "Hello?"

"Hey," he said, "I was thinking about you and wanted to call."

"Hey," Addison smiled.

"How you doing? How was the funeral?" Derek asked.

"Sad," Addison watched Virginia leave the room out of the corner of her eye, "I'm at his house with Adrienne. I'm hiding in his study."

"Gin giving you are hard time?"

"No. Actually. It's Adrienne. She's just so…" Addison trailed off, unsure of what her sister was, then abruptly changing the subject, "Do you think they would have hated each other?"

"Who?"

"Our baby and Julie. Do you think that if they were growing up at the same time, do you think they would have resented each other?"

"I don't know. Maybe." Derek reclined on the couch in their living room, he'd come home to feed the dog, "I think it would have been tough, and I think that sometimes they would have been jealous of each other," he paused, "I think they would have hated me."

"No," she assured him in a soft whisper.

"Look at how I treated their mothers. Julie was conceived while I was involved with someone else, and our baby––"

"He would have adored you."

"Our baby shouldn't have been created in such a deceptive and illicit way. I failed both my kids."

"Derek," her voice was hushed so her words were just between them, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I'm sorry I made that choice for you. I decided how much you were capable of loving our baby and I was wrong," she glanced around at the photo's littering the room, "I was really wrong."

"Geoff would have been a good father."

"But, it was yours. You were the one that should have been given a chance to love him. I'm sorry."

"You did what you thought––"

"But, I didn't. I knew you would love him, I just assumed it wouldn't be enough. And I was wrong. I was so wrong. I was thinking about myself, and I was worried about the baby, and I never once thought about you. I never should have taken away your right to love your own child. It was wrong of me, and I'm sorry."

"Thank you," Derek replied in a state of near shock. "Addison," he said, "We can talk about this later. You should go be with your family."

"You are my family," she countered softly.

"I'll see you tomorrow morning and I'll call you again later."

"Derek––"

"Addison! Go. Eat a crab cake or something."

"Derek," she repeated with a smile, "I miss you."

"Oh," he smiled and sighed as he leaned in closer to the phone, "I miss you too, Addison."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

You know what guys. You should review because you are almost out of opportunities. I mean there is this chapter, and then 2 more…. and then it's over. You'll never be able to review a BBYL chapter ever again. Ever.

How sad is that?

And I'll never be able to bribe you with things like pole-dances and action figures and small animals or alcohol. I think this time I'll bribe you with… chocolate. Licking said chocolate off of body parts is entirely optional.

Review please.


	10. Be Be Your Love: Year 4

I kinda love this chapter.

Anyway, you should read it and love it cause it was one of the first things I wrote when I was writing the last chapter and it's pretty much this year that made it so damn long that it became 5 chapters.

Okay. It's a whole lot of Marksy. You guys wanted to know why they split up, this is why.

XXXX

**Year 4**

XXXX

**April**

XXXX

"_Mommy!_"

_Ring_

"_MOMMY!_"

_RIng_

"_WAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!_"

_Ring_

"_MOMMMMMYYYY!"_

Sydney didn't know which way to turn, "Bea, honey, I'm getting you some medicine. Just hold on a second," She crossed the hall and placed an empty trash can beside Lola's bed, "If you are going to throw up, throw up in there." She strode down the hall and to the master bed room to check on baby Prue who was hungry and crying "Just give me 5 minutes, baby," and into the master bath to find some children's gravol. In the back of her mind she was hoping that Mark had answered the phone.

"Mom. I'm hungry," Roxie whined.

Sydney turned to see Roxie leaning listlessly against the doorframe.

"How you doing? Still feeling ok?" Sydney pushed her daughters blond hair out of her face and felt her forehead.

Roxie shrugged, "The movie's over. Can I have supper now?"

"Ask Daddy if he'll make you a sandwich. I'll put in another movie for you."

Roxie sat dejectedly on the side of the bed and absently rocked Prue's cradle, "Prue's hungry too."

"I know," Sydney sighed, "As soon as I give your sisters this medicine I'll come back and we'll watch _The Little Mermaid, _together, while I feed her. Okay."

"Okay," Roxie sighed and continued to rock her baby sisters cradle.

"Honey! Syd," Mark jogged down the hall, "That was Laura, a pipe burst in her basement. I'm going over to see if I can help her out."

"Mark!"

"It's a mess out there. She can't get a repair guy out there and her house is filling up with water."

"What about Derek?"

"Not answering his phone. It's pouring rain, I'd imagine Addison's seduced him with…" he glanced at Roxie, "… stamp collecting."

"I don't have the time for Philately jokes _Mark_. Bea and Lola are throwing up, Rox and Prue need to be fed…"

"I'll take Rox with me and get her something to eat on the way," Mark shrugged as if that solved everything.

Sydney threw her hands up in exasperation, "Make sure she eats something from at least 3 of the food groups. _Mark! Something green!"_

XXXX

"I think I got the water stopped," Laura declared. She was wearing short denim shorts, a flannel shirt and thong sandals. The house was pitch black except for a spattering of candles on random surfaces and the completely lit menorah in her hand.

"Nice outfit," Mark helped Roxie out of her raincoat and rubber boots and pointed her in the direction of the kitchen table to eat her pizza and milkshake, "How much damage are we looking at?"

"You might want to roll up your pant legs," Laura advised.

Mark grabbed his high power flashlight and followed her down the steps and into 4 inches of basement water.

"Told ya," Laura shot him a look over her shoulder as she set her Menorah on a table that was half covered with wet boxes, "Okay the pipe burst over here, I found the main water valve and I think I've mostly got it turned off, but I can't see so I don't really know," she wadded towards the valve, "Why do they put these things in the dankest darkest part of the basement?"

"Did you get everything important up off the floor? I can't do anything about the water until you get your power back."

"You think I have important stuff down here? Do you recognize that couch over there? It's 40 years old. My boys need a place hide out and place video games."

"You realize what they're really doing down here right," he grabbed the wrench and tightened the valve.

Laura shrugged, "Well I may have dropped some hints concerning the couch's sordid history so I'm hopping they are to creeped out to try anything," she grinned, "Don't worry, my boys are almost grown, you can have the couch once I'm done."

"My girls are staying perfect innocent princesses."

"And virgins, apparently."

"Don't say that. Don't even think that," Mark stood, "I don't think I can do anything tonight. I've got a pump at home, I'll bring it over tomorrow, so hopefully they'll get your power back on."

"Okay," she stood in front of him and stared at the pipes, then she looked at him and smiled, "My knight and shining armour," she teased patting his shoulder and kissing his cheek. She paused looking up at him.

He met her eye, but didn't move away.

She leaned in and kissed him. Her hands rested against his sides and she still knew exactly how far up onto her toes she had to go for their lips to meet. Their bodies still felt familiar to each other.

"Daddy?"

They jumped apart. Laura couldn't look up at the stairs, she stared at the pocket of the red shirt he was wearing over his t-shirt.

"I don't like the dark."

Laura's eyes followed him as he brushed past her, bounded up the stairs and picking up his daughter without looking back.

XXXX

"Daddy?"

Mark sat hunched over the steering wheel, tense and silent.

"Daddy?"

"Yeah Sweetie?"

"I won't tell," she offered softly.

"What?"

"I won't tell Mommy."

"Aw, Honey…"

"I won't tell. I promise."

XXXX

It was silent when he stepped through the door. Roxie was clinging to his neck, her tiny arms holding on for dear life. He walked into the living room, Sydney was fast asleep on the couch, Lola curled into her side, Bea's head in her lap.

"Oh, hey," Sydney pulled her eyes open sleepily, "You're back," she shifted slightly, waking Lola.

"Mommy," she whimpered.

"Up to bed," Sydney instructed, waking Bea too, "Honey, can you check on Prue, and put Roxie to bed in our room, maybe we'll luck out and no one else will get sick."

"Syndey…" he said her name weakly, sadly. He looked up, but she was already leaving the room with Bea and Lola in tow. Roxie refused to unbury her face from his neck as he carried her up the stairs, only 10 paces behind Sydney, and turned into the master bedroom. He untangled Roxie from around his neck, laying her out on the bed and rubbing her back for a moment while she curled into a tight ball. He checked on the baby, fast asleep in her basinet, and touched her cheek –– smiling when she rooted around seeing if there was anything to eat.

"Jammies," Sydney poked her head in the door and tossed a pair of Roxie's PJ's on to the bed.

"Sydney, I need to talk to you," Mark didn't look up from Prue, just turned his head slightly to acknowledge his wife before stepping into the bathroom.

"What?"

"I think I should leave for awhile," Mark closed the door behind her then leaned heavily against the counter.

"No."

"I'm not asking," Mark grabbed his toothbrush from the holder then began opening drawers looking for his razor and other toiletries.

"What are you doing?"

Mark looked up. She'd thought, until the moment he looked her in the eye, that he was kidding.

"I'm sorry. This just isn't… I can't do this."

"_What_? You want … _what?_"

Mark had to get out, he left the bathroom and grabbed his gym bag out of the closet.

"Mark! What… What the HELL! Where are you going?"

"Daddy?" Roxie stood in the middle of the bed, "Daddy?" She started to cry.

Mark started throwing clothes at random into his bag.

"I don't understand…" Sydney was crying now too, to confused to be angry and to overwhelmed to process, "Mark, you can't leave… why are you… I don't…"

"I'll come by in a few days to pick up the rest of my things."

"Daddy!" Roxie began jumping on the bed in fury.

Mark glanced at her, then turned to Sydney who was staring at their daughter blankly, "Maybe in a few days I can take the girls to the park?"

"You're asking me permission to spend time with our kids?"

"Daddy! No!" Roxie pulled things from his bag and threw them to the floor, "No. NO. NO. NO. NO!"

"Rox," Mark pulled her away and slung the bag over his shoulder.

"No. NO. NO. No!" she sobbed grabbing at him, trying to pull the bag away from him, "_I didn't tell. I DIDN'T TELL._"

"Roxana, let go!"

"I didn't tell. Daddy! I didn't tell!"

"Rox," he bent down and kissed her cheek, "I'll see you in a few days, okay?"

She locked her arms around his neck and wouldn't let go.

"Syd?" he asked for help, but she was staring at the bed, tears rolling down her cheeks.

Mark forcefully removed Roxie from around his neck and placed her in Sydney's arms, his wife and daughter automatically clinging to each other.

"I'll uh, I'll call you," he nodded softly as he left the room. He stopped briefly in Lola and Bea's rooms to say goodnight to their sleeping forms, then he left their home and didn't come back.

XXXX

"I didn't tell," Roxie sobbed. It had been hours and she hadn't quite stopped crying. Sometimes it would fade to a hiccup, but it always started again.

Sydney rocked back and forth, numbly feeding Prue.

"I didn't tell," Roxie repeated.

"Didn't tell what?" Sydney asked absently, not really hearing what her daughter was saying.

"That I saw."

"Saw what?" Sydney sat up a bit, her brow furrowing, "Roxana, what did you see?"

"Nothing," she whispered.

"Roxana Jay, what did you see?"

Roxie was silent a long time, "I saw them kissing."

XXXX

"Hello?"

"You said I didn't have anything to worry about."

"Who is this?" Derek squinted into the darkness and tried to make out what time it was while trying to discern who the crying woman on the phone was.

"He left me."

"Sydney?"

"He left Derek. He's been cheating on me," her voice was soft, sad and defeated.

"I'm coming over." Derek hung up the phone and glanced over at Addison who hadn't been there when he'd finally gotten home at midnight. He shook her gently, "Addison?"

"I was kidding," she said groggily, "I didn't want to study anymore. We don't have to have sex every time there's…" she yawned "… a thunderstorm."

"Add. I have to go. Sydney just called… Mark left."

Addison rolled over onto her back, sleep still clouding her comprehension, "What?"

"I don't know. I'm just going to go over to make sure she's alright."

"He left her?"

Derek shrugged.

"Laura?"

"I don't know."

She reached up and touched his cheek. Circumstances making them remember things they didn't want to dwell on and think things they didn't believe.

"Go back to sleep," he turned his head and kissed her palm then bent to kiss her shoulder

XXXX

He was past the pretense of hiding the liquor in a brown paper bag. He was openly drinking an eighty dollar bottle of scotch while wandering aimlessly up and down residential streets in the middle of a rain storm.

He wasn't surprised to find himself on her doorstep. He wasn't surprised that she was as drunk as him, drinking wine from the bottle. He wasn't surprised when he woke up there the next morning with a splitting headache.

XXXX

Laura drove while Mark drank. By midnight the day after Mark walked out on his wife, they had reached a motel in the depths of the woods of Colorado. They got a room for the night and the next morning Mark outsmarted the hangover by washing down his dry toast with beer, then moving on to whisky by lunch. They talked that afternoon, Laura buying herself a bottle of vodka and a carton of orange juice when it became apparent that Mark had no intention of sobering up.

"It won't be that bad," his words were slurred around the edges but still understandable, "I can get a place with a spare room and some bunk bed's for the girls," he paused, sadly, "But Prue would be to little to spend the night. Sydney likes to breast feed them until they start to ween themselves, and they all breast fed at night even after they started bottle feeding during the day. And Syd will probably have to go back to work sooner now. No. No. I can take care of them all until she decides to go back. She should take a whole year, go back in September."

"A year long Mat Leave? For a surgeon? She won't do it."

"I can take the older 3 for weekends, maybe when Prue is older we can work out something more… like every other week." Mark fell silent, "I'm going to miss half their lives."

"You aren't really going to leave Sydney. Right?"

"I have too," Mark glanced around the room, his eyes bleary and bloodshot, "I'm in a hotel room in Colorado."

"She doesn't need to know that."

"I'M NOT GOING TO LIE TO MY WIFE!" Mark exploded. He paced the room like a caged lion looking for something to attack. He stopped when he came face to face with Laura.

She watched him calmly and studiously, dissecting every breath and every twitch of his muscles, "It's not to late," she touched his arm, "You can go home."

He stared at his arm like her hand was burning his skin and he had to indure it, "It's to late," he spoke through the tenseness in his jaw. "It's to late," he repeated, backing her against the door and kissing her.

XXXX

Mark drove back. Laura drank from a 2 liter pop bottle filled with an ever changing mixture of her vodka and orange juice.

"People are going to think that it's me," she slurred.

"It is."

"But people are going to think that I seduced you and we were having sex while you were married."

"We did have sex while I'm married."

"You're separated

Mark shrugged like the distinction made no difference.

"This is Derek's fault. He tarnished my name."

Mark turned on the radio.

"Now everyone is going to think that Shepherds are no good slutty home wreckers with good hair. They'll think we use our hair for evil."

He turned up the radio a bit.

"Stupid Addison," Laura took a large gulp, "This is all her fault."

XXXX

Mark wasn't surprised when Derek knocked on Laura's front door, then punched him in the face. He wasn't surprised at all.

He was surprised when 6 weeks later Addison pushed him –– almost making him fall backwards down a flight of stairs –– when he tried to apologize for the mess he'd made.

"_Don't talk to me!_" Addison yelled, "_I cannot take one more thing from you!"_

"Addison––"

"No," she seethed, "No. You don't apologize to me. You are beyond apologizing to any of us. You've ruined _everything_."

Mark shook his head and turned away.

"No. You listen to me," Addison grabbed his arm and turned him back around, "You left and you broke Sydney and you broke Derek and you are breaking me. I can't do this. I can't take care of everyone! I've been living at your house. I've been taking your kids to school. I've been feeding them and giving them their baths. Sydney's depressed. _Sydney, of all people, is DEPRESSED_. She can't breast feed Prue, and what's worse, she doesn't even want to. I've held Prue more in the last 3 weeks then she has. The twins teacher calls every day because Roxie's gotten into a fight. Bea's wetting the bed. Lola barely talks anymore. And Sydney won't deal with any of this. I talk to the teachers, I wash Bea's sheets, I tell Lola that you are going to come visit –– which you hardly ever do. Derek was the one that read them stories before bed. He was the one that held them and comforted them when the had bad dreams, and they are all having nightmares now, Mark. He tried to get through to Sydney. He made her get up in the morning, and shower and eat. He makes the appointments for the therapists that she refuses to go to. Derek cut his sister out of his life because he is so ashamed of what you've done. And I'm afraid that it's going to kill him, Mark." She began to turn away unable to go any further, then changed her mind, "He's sick Mark. He's in the hospital. He can't work. He keeps having attacks from all the stress that he's under. I'm afraid he's going to die. He could _die._"

"I'm sorry," Mark said softly, barely even a whisper.

"If he dies, I'll never forgive you. Never."

XXXX

He was quickly on the path to being an alcoholic. He knew it. But alcoholism seemed like a small price to pay for quieting the guilt.

"Hey."

Mark felt a hand on his back. He looked up. "Hi."

"I'm kinda tipsy."

Mark chuckled at Meredith, "Me too."

"I don't think I've been drunk since I had Cade."

"Yeah?"

Meredith nodded, her head lurching slightly on her shoulders, "Apparently I'm a 2 beer kind of girl now."

"How's Cade?"

Meredith's smile brightened, "He's great. He's at his first sleepover tonight."

"So you came out to have some fun?"

"Alex brought me out."

"You and Alex?"

"He's my friend," Meredith smiled, "And not completely unattractive. And I think he likes me."

Mark chuckled, "I think he more then likes you."

Meredith considered this, "Maybe I should let him kiss me goodnight then," she smiled.

Mark nodded and took another sip of his drink.

"How are you?"

"I've been better."

"Have you talked to her at all."

Mark shook his head.

"What about the girls."

"I'm suppose to see them tomorrow," Mark looked down at his glass. A large tear suddenly rolled down his cheek, "I can see them every Wednesday and the last weekend of every month," his voice broke and he buried his face in his hands.

"Oh, Mark."

"My little girls hate me."

"Mark, no they don't. They love you."

"They don't want to leave their mother when I go to pick them up. Roxie clings to Derek like he's… like he's her father. Prue cries when Addison's not holding her, she recognizes Derek and Addison but not me. Sydney won't come to the door when I'm there. Bea locks herself in her room. Lola hides in the backyard."

"It's just hard right now. They'll adjust."

"I miss my wife," Mark could barely contain the tears, "I miss her so much."

"Maybe you should talk to her," Meredith suggested as she moved the drink out of Mark's grasp and signaled for the bartender to take it away.

Mark shook his head, "I can't. It's over." He pushed himself off the bar stool, gripping the counter hard with one hand and wiping the tears from his face with the other, "I need to go. I can't look like this when I see them."

"Yeah, get some sleep," Meredith advised, "Do you need help getting a cab?"

"I'm fine."

Meredith watched him go, Alex joining her at the bar. "I hope he goes to his hotel."

Alex looked out the window to where Mark was climbing in a cab.

"I think he's going to go to Laura's."

"Why?"

"Because that's what I'd do," Meredith shrugged and smiled sadly.

Alex nodded and changed the subject, "How are you are you enjoying your night out being a hot single sexy mom?"

She smiled, smirking to herself, "I think I'm ready to go home."

XXXX

**October**

XXXX

Mark stood on the door step and rang the bell.

"Daddy!"

He grinned, things had definitely improved in the last few months, "Hey Bumble-Bea. You ready to go?"

"Mmmhmm," she nodded enthusiastically, "DADDY'S HERE!" she yelled into the house.

"You got your hair cut."

Bea nodded, "Mommy was sick of the tangles. Roxie's is a lot shorter."

Mark raised an eyebrow. Sydney had done something to make their identical twins not identical?

"Hi Daddy," Roxie appeared, her hair a mere 2 inches shorter then Bea's so it rested at her shoulders and not below, "Can we get pizza?"

"We'll take a vote in the car. Where's Lola and Mom?"

"Lola's out side on the swings. I'll get her," Roxie ran through the house and out the patio door.

Mark winced as it slammed shut.

"Hi," Sydney walked cautiously into the hall, Prue resting on her hip, "Sorry. I was changing her."

"It's okay," he smiled at Prue who was watching him with the quiet studiousness that she always watched him with.

"Trix, can you take Prue out to Daddy's car for me?"

Bea looked between the two of them, "Are you going to yell and fight?"

Sydney looked at her daughter in surprise, "No. Honey, why would you think that."

"Hannah said that when her parents got divorced that they fought all the time."

"We aren't going to fight," Sydney assured her softly. In truth they hadn't fought at all. Both had simply resigned themselves to the fact that the divorce was happening, that it was final, that they weren't married anymore.

Bea looked between the two of them again, then reached for her baby sister and held her hand as she toddled to meet her other sisters by the car.

Mark and Sydney stood silently in the entry way of their home, it was the first time they'd been along together in months. Since before he'd left. In fact the last time they'd been completely alone together was the morning before the girls got sick and Laura called him over to her house. They'd made love then gotten the girls ready for school.

"I miss you," Sydney confessed softly looking somewhere in the direction of his shoes.

Mark shuddered, then composed himself. "I miss you too," he admitted finally. He could see her struggling with herself, unable to look at him and still staring at his shoes.

"I'm still in love with you," she finally looked up at him, "I still love you."

"I love you too," he admitted.

Tears sprung to her eyes, "Then why would you…" she shook her head and couldn't continue.

"I don't deserve you anymore."

Sydney choked back a sob and turned it into a laugh, "But I deserve this?"

Mark closed his eyes and tried not to picture what _this_ was. "I should go, the girls are waiting."

"Mark," she stopped him by grabbing his hand, "I still want you to come home."

"I can't Syd," he pleaded with her to understand.

"I don't think you cheated on me. I just… I don't _feel_ like you would do that. I think _you think_ you cheated."

"Syd––"

She squeezed his hand until he looked at her, "Shut up and listen to me. I hold no illusions of what you've done since you left. I know without a doubt that you've had sex with her. But, I don't think you had sex with her before."

Mark pulled away and took a step back.

"Mark. If you left because you were tempted to cheat, or you left because you thought you somehow failed as a husband because you _lusted_ after Laura or you _kissed_ Laura and you felt like a bad father because Roxie saw you, then Mark, I want you to come home. You can come home."

Mark looked at her, really looked her in the eye for the first time in months.

"But if you had sex with her before you walked out that door, then I want my 5 million dollars."

Mark grinned, "I didn't." He stepped off the porch and down on to the front walk.

Sydney leaned against the door frame, crossed her arms and smiled, "I know."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

You should send me lots of reviews cause all I do these days is work and it's really not fun. I think on Monday I was home for 20 mins between 8am and 11pm. And that's with me getting off one job early.

So you should pity me and send me reviews.

Cause I love them. And I love you. And I love this chapter. (And I did not love the L Word Finale. And no, I will not get over that any time soon.)

And you'll all be happy to know that I have I hugely horrible fic idea. Like really really bad.

Review.


	11. Be Be Your Love: Year 5

This is it.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

XXXX

**Year 5**

XXXX

**February**

XXXX

"It's not good news."

Derek closed his eyes and paced a few steps before turning back, "Okay."

"Do you want to wait for her?"

"No." Derek stopped pacing and turned to face the doctor, his arms crossed tightly over his chest.

"Okay," the doctor flipped open the file, "We knew there could be side effects."

"We knew it could be things like appitite, nausea and erectile disfunction," Derek pointed out.

"We discussed that they could be a little more serious," the doctor looked at him pointedly, "Your kidney's are failing."

"From anti-depressants?"

"It's an experimental drug," he shook his head, "We were monitoring you closely, we caught it early. We'll start you on medication but by summer you'll probably need dialysis. It shouldn't be a huge ordeal for you, every 10 days or so. In a couple years you'll probably need a new kidney, but we'll worry about that then."

"Transplant?"

"That's a ways down the road. We'll try medication for awhile. I think that should keep things under control for awhile yet."

"What if it doesn't?"

He folded his hands, "Without treatment I'd give you a year, maybe a bit more. With the dialysis –– 5 years before we need to start looking for a transplant.

"5 years," Derek spoke softly to himself.

"What we are really concerned about the stress this is going to put on your heart. There's a distinct possibility that this is going to aggravate your angina. You'll probably find yourself having more attacks."

"I started taking the anti-depression medication so I wouldn't feel the stress and have the attacks," Derek shook his head and looked down at the floor.

"And we thought we had it under control when it didn't effect your blood pressure. I'm sorry Derek."

Derek smiled wearily, "Well, at least it's not erectile dysfunction right."

XXXX

"Single?"

"Yes. I mean no, Yes? I'm not married."

"Common-law?"

"I guess. We're divorced."

"Single."

"No. We're together. We're just divorced."

"Okay. Kids?"

"No. Yes. No kids right now, but we should make provisions for kids."

"How many?"

"Two? To be on the safe side."

The lawyer shot him a look and went back to his notes, "Do you currently have a will?"

"Yes."

"And the beneficiary?"

"Meredith Grey."

"And that's changing?"

Derek hesitated, "I want her to have something," he ran his hand over his face, "Split it."

"The whole estate?"

"Minus the kids education. Split it between Addison, Meredith and my Mother."

"Addison is the common-law wife?"

"Yes. No. Addison's third should go to the kids too. She doesn't need my money."

"And if there are no children?"

"To Meredith's kids. For school, maybe a trust?"

"And your relationship to Ms. Grey?"

"Girlfriend. Ex-girlfriend,"

"So, the event that no children are born of your relationship with your common-law partner then you want all monies that you've set aside for their education and two-thirds of your estate should go to Ms. Grey."

"Ah. No. Addison would kill me," Derek smiled wearily, "That third and the kids education money should be put in a trust, Addison as executor, but put in there that I want her to make sure Meredith's kids get money for college, it's the least we can do. But if she wants to set up a scholarship or something with the rest thats fine."

"Derek? Why is Sadie on the back deck barking... Oh. Hello," Addison put her purse on the table on the inside of the door and advanced towards the couch where Derek was sitting across from a man she didn't know.

"Addison this is Arnie Gilmore. I'm updating my will."

Addison's brow furrowed as she shook the lawyers hand and sat on the couch beside Derek, "Why?"

"We'll talk later," he promised her and kissed her cheek, "Now. I have some investments and property listed in the old will…"

XXXX

"What's wrong?" Addison's hands were on her hips the second the door closed behind Arnie the lawyer.

"My kidney's are failing," he stated bluntly.

She stared at him, then sat heavily on the edge the couch.

"We need to talk about some things," he knelt on the floor in front of her and took her hand, "I want us to have kids. And I think we need to do it now."

XXXX

**April**

XXXX

"I've been doing some research."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." Derek set the laptop down on the table between them and pulled up a medical journal, "This article says that in-vitro fertilization is just as effective in women that have had a tubal ligation then those that have not."

Addison rested her chin in the palm of her hand and watched him passively.

"You said you had your tubes cauterized, so reversal isn't really an option. Other then a surrogate which I have issues with, I think this is our best option if we want to have our own baby."

"You have issues with surrogates?"

"It doesn't seem as intimate."

"And in-vitro does?"

"Well no. Not the actual procedure. But the pregnancy. The cravings and the kicking, watching you get fat –– that part." Derek scrolled back up to the top of the article, "And I have this information on the highest authority because you wrote this paper 12 years ago."

Addison smirked, "Did I."

"You did."

"I'm 45, Derek."

"That's not to old," he insisted.

"You know that's not the problem, Derek. If I can have a baby at 45 then I can have it at 46."

Derek looked away, "What if I'm not here then?"

"Exactly," Addison agreed softly, "I don't want to do this alone. And I don't want to be dividing my attention if you need me."

"I'm going to be fine."

"You don't know that Derek. No one knows that. We could have one more year or we could have 30 more years. I just want to wait and see how this all turns out and then we can talk about this some more."

"It's going to work Addison."

"Derek," she wasn't going to fight him on this, she didn't even want to think about it, "You don't know that. It would be a high risk pregnancy on top of everything else. We can't handle it right now."

"Why not?" he was being stubborn. He'd never been so sure of anything in his life, he just needed to convince her.

"Because what if your kidney's continue to fail? What if dialyses doesn't work. What if you need bypass surgery or a kidney transplant? What if you die Derek?"

"What if I die?" He asked calmly.

"I'm not discussing this."

"I'm okay with leaving you to raise our baby if I die."

Addison leaned back a bit, not sure how to take this.

"Yes, it's selfish. But I want to have a baby. And I realize that there is a chance that I might not be around to watch that baby grow up, a slim chance, but a chance. And if things go wrong then at least I can die knowing that you aren't completely alone. I'll know that you'll have someone to spend Christmas with and to visit you in the nursing home. Even if we have another 30 years together it won't enough time, and common sense tell us that I'm going to die first, and when I do I want you to have our child to help you through that. And if it looks like me all the better. Addison, this is a good idea," he spoke earnestly.

"I can't think about this right now," Addison shook her head and stood up. She paused at the door way and looked back at him, considering it for a moment longer, then shook her head again and left the room.

XXXX

**May**

XXXX

"Now is the perfect time."

"No."

"I could be a stay at home Dad."

Addison glared at him, "It's to much for me right now. There is to much going on."

"If we don't do it this week we have to wait another month. We need to at least talk about it."

"We aren't doing it this month. Let's get through this year and then we can talk about it."

"We might not have that much time."

Addison sighed sadly, "Not this month Derek. I can't do this now."

Derek nodded and turned back to drying the dishes.

"It's not that I don't want to have a baby."

"I know," he reached for a coffee mug and dried it thoroughly.

"Okay," Addison watched him carefully, "Just so long as you know."

"I know."

"Okay."

XXXX

**June**

XXXX

"When I tell people not to page me because I'm going out to dinner, _don't page me! I'm going out to dinner_!" Addison slammed her clutch down on the counter and glared.

"You look hot," Mark looked her up and down.

"Thanks," she replied tersely, "I had a _date_."

"A hot date," Derek sauntered up behind her, "I got you 24 hour parking, but if you're done before 8 we can still catch the symphony."

"Derek, good," Richard stepped up behind them, "I need you on board for this one. 24 weeks with twins, tumour on her spine."

"I'm not taking cases right now."

Richard scoffed.

"I'm taking some time off, considering retiring."

"Addison, talk to him."

Addison laughed, then looked at Derek and shook her head, "Honey, do you want to go back to work?" she asked, still laughing at the absurdity of the question.

"No, Dear," he smiled at her smile.

"I don't understand," Richard looked between the two of them.

"I took time off so I could spend more time with her. Take her out to diner, go to the symphony, rent movies and make spaghetti––"

"You can spend time with her at the hospital," Richard interrupted.

"Why don't you take time off too," Mark asked Addison.

"Because," Derek answered for her, "she doesn't think it's fair to take an extended leave of absence then take maternity leave."

Mark and Richard looked over to Addison in surprise.

"Potentially," Derek added.

"Is the tumour operable?" Addison changed the subject, "Is there even anything we can do tonight? 'Cause I'm hungry."

"Because of the location of the tumour the mother has lost all feeling from about halfway down her spine. She can't feel her babies move."

"Okay," Addison's brow furrowed.

"And the tumour is cancerous. Dr. Raines believes that if we operate we can restore sensation, however we'll cut her life expectancy from 5 years down to about 18 months."

Derek nodded, "So we operate."

"No!" Addison turned to him, "Are you crazy?"

"She'll have 18 month with her children actually being able to mother them like she wants."

"Or she could have 5 years and they'll actually remember her."

"But she'll miss the best parts!" Derek exclaimed, "What's the point in having the experience if you can't even enjoy it."

"_You do it for the other person! Sometimes you need to stop thinking about yourself and start thinking about the person that you are going to leave behind because they are the one thats going to have to live. Things don't get easier when you die Derek, they get harder! And I can't ––" _She stopped suddenly and stared at him, "–– It's not fair to her babies, Derek."

Around them people were starting to look up and take notice. Meredith, her 3 week old baby girl strapped to her chest, looked up from her conversation with Bailey; Cristina forgot about the doctor on the other end of her phone line; George dropped his orange.

"Add?" Derek reached for her wrist but she pulled away from him further and pressed her palms against her cheekbones, "I'm not going to die," he assured her softly, he touched the small of her back and glanced at Richard and Mark –– who didn't know the whole story, just that he was taking extended stress leave.

"I can't do this," she breathed, her voice shaky

He touched her shoulder gently, then grasped her shoulder and pulled her gently against him. His arms encircled her shoulders and he held her tightly, her arms wrapped around his ribs so tightly it hurt him. Her forehead pressed into his neck and her tears slid down his neck and collarbone.

"I don't want to live the rest of my life without you," she cried softly into his neck.

"I'm not going to die."

"You could."

"I could, but I'm not."

"I can't go back to not being with you," she hadn't loosened her hold on him at all, "I refuse. You are just going to have to suck it up and live until I'm done with you."

"What's wrong," Meredith rounded the counter hesitantly.

"I don't know," Richard shook his head.

"Is she going to be okay?"

"I don't know," Richard kept his eyes trained on them.

Derek gently rocked Addison back and forth, softening his grip just a bit, "I love you."

She inhaled shakily and leaned into his chest more, "I love you too." She stepped away from him and his thumbs moved immediately over her cheeks to push away the tears. She chuckled and used her own hands to try and fix her face, "I'm a mess." She looked around, for the first time noticing all the people silently staring at them, "And I'm humiliated."

"Well," he gently kissed her cheek and wiped away the last of her tears, "You never did flip out in a calm and rational away."

"Addison?" Richard stepped up crossed his arms in a concerned yet intimidating way.

"I'm fine Chief," Addison stood up a little straighter and moved a little closer to Derek, "Let's get back to work."

"You're in?" Richard looked to Derek.

Derek squeezed Addison's hand, "I'm in."

XXXX

**July**

XXXX

"Sign," Addison pushed a piece of paper across the table and flipped through the stack in front of her.

Derek picked up a pen, "What is it."

"Do you care? Just sign it."

"I've decided to wear black for my wedding," Sydney crossed her arms over her stomach, "I'm not sure why, it just seems appropriate."

"Sydney," Mark rolled his eyes, "You are not fatter with this baby then you were with the other 4."

"Maybe not then the twins, but I'm…" she gestured over her whole body, "Spreading."

"That's because this one is a boy. He's bigger."

"Maybe."

"Did you see that? She thinks this one is a boy too. She's not humouring me like she did with the girls. She thinks this one is a boy too."

"I'm willing it to be a boy. I'm not having anymore after this. 5 is my limit. If it's another girl you just accept the fact that starting in about 5 years we are going to be buying Tampax in bulk for 2 decades."

"5 years…" Mark paled.

"They're 8. It's happening."

"Sign," Addison pushed the piece of paper over to them and dropped a pen on top.

"Both of us?" Mark scanned the paper, then raised an eyebrow at Addison.

"Yes. Both of you," Addison stared him into silence.

Sydney smirked, but signed and handed the paper back to Addison, "I think Addison should wear white though. Actually, thats not a bad idea, Addison, Callie and the girls can wear white, I'll wear black. It's just backwards enough that it works. Your groomsmen can wear white jackets –– and I'm a genius."

"Okay," Addison ignored Sydney and scanned the signatures, "I'll be right back." She left Joe's and crossed the street. Sliding into the back seat she handed the paper to the driver, "Everyone signed their own names, I swear."

"Except you," Laura handed the paper back.

Addison grabbed it back and scrawled her name across it.

"Okay," Laura reviewed the form, signed it herself, and reached into her purse for a stamp pad and a seal. "There you go. Signed and notarized," she handed the paper back along with a certificate and another handful of papers, "Congratulations."

"Thank you, Judge Bartlett." Addison crossed the street again and slide back into her booth, "There you go," she dropped the stack of papers in front of Derek, "We are now legally married, I've changed my name back to Addison Shepherd, my mortgage is now in both our names, and I'm still not having your baby."

Derek stared at the paper a moment, then turned to her with wide eyes.

"Do you want to kiss the bride?" She asked with a smile.

XXXX

**August**

XXXX

"He still wants to have a baby?"

Addison ignored the question, "Who's been using my shampoo?"

"Meredith," Alex shrugged, "She weakens sometimes, we get a babysitter with the intention of going to a movie... not important. Just humour him and have the baby."

Addison rolled her eyes and scoffed.

"He wants to have a baby. He wants to have it with you. 8 years ago you weren't exactly opposed to the idea, just have the baby. Grant the dying man his last wish."

"He's not going to die."

"Then what the hell is your problem. You know, this is one of those times that 'my body my choice' seems completely unfair. He'd do it for you."

"Well it is my body and it is my choice and I don't want to have a baby right now."

Alex nodded and poured her another glass of orange juice, "Derek would understand if you were saying no for good reason. Being scared isn't a good enough reason this time. And Christ Addison, the wedding is in 4 days, could you not make everything all about you?"

XXXX

Addison took a sip of juice, glaring across the banquet room at her stupid husband who she currently hated.

"What's wrong?" Alex appeared suddenly at her side and cut right to the chase..

Addison looked around and gauged how close other people were standing, "We were talking to Catherine," she half exclaimed, half whined, "And I think she wants a grandson."

"Oh," Alex nodded, seeing how that would be a problem.

"And Derek said it was a top priority!" she shook her head in exasperation and took another drink, "A _priority_! Now! Of all the times to––" her eyes narrowed and he voice became low and slightly threatening, "We are not having a baby –– male or otherwise."

"You'd think that next week would be a more appropriate time to start trying procreating, unless this is a cycle thing that Derek's taking into consideration."

"You're not funny."

"I'm agreeing! You have a lot going on this week!"

Addison sighed, "I should go find him. It's not his fault that he's… him and I'm me." she drained half her glass and held it out to Alex, "You want the rest? It's orange juice."

Addison walked away, smiling brightly at family and friends as she met them, then finally settling herself at Derek's side and putting her arm around his waist, "I'm back."

Derek looked at her in surprise, but put his arm around her waist and held her close, "Sorry."

"You can't just say things like that to people Derek."

"It's my mother."

"This is personal. And it's private. I don't want other people to … I need this to just be us."

"Okay."

"You know how our relationship looks to other people. You know they speculate."

"I know."

"And people will pity us if you're sick and I'm pregnant. They'll pity you, they'll pity me, and no matter what they'll pity any child that we bring into this relationship with our history. I don't want people pitying our kids, especially when we don't have any."

"That's not fair."

"Well, that's how it is."

XXXX

**Present Day**

XXXX

"Are you looking for me? Sorry, I'm running a bit behind."

Addison looked at her colleague in confusion. Sarah was new, good but new. And they weren't currently working on anything together so Addison wasn't quite sure why… "Why would I be looking for you?"

"You had an appointment scheduled with me for 15 minutes ago."

"I did?" Addison shook her head. Admittedly her life was a little more hectic then usually lately –– and that was aside from the fact that all 4 Sloan girls were still staying at her house because their new baby brother was still in the NICU with sleep apnea and not surprisingly his parents were reluctant to take him home when he slops breathing randomly while he sleep –– but she couldn't imagine why she would make an appointment with Sarah on the day of Derek's… Sarah was a fertility specialist, "Did I make the appointment or did Derek?" Addison asked sharply.

"You didn't want the appointment?" Sarah asked in surprise.

"No," Addison planted her hands on her hips, "What was the appointment for?"

"Ummm. You know you _probably_ shouldn't get mad at Derek right now."

Addison arched an eyebrow, "You'd think that. But I think he made the appointment for today so that I couldn't get mad at him. He's wrong."

"Well. I don't think that's why he made the appointment."

"Then why did he make it?"

"I don't know," Sarah shrugged weakly, "But I was under the impression that you were ovulating and time was of the essence so we were skipping all the preliminary screenings and just going for it."

"Going for it?"

"I'm not comfortable with this conversation."

"So can I correctly assume that you've already met with Derek?"

"Well, I kinda needed a sample," Sarah sighed awkwardly, "Please, don't sue me for malpractice."

Addison barely contained a smile at that, "Sue you for malpractice? Because you conspired with Derek to impregnate me without my knowledge?"

"I think you probably would have figured it out, what with the stirrups and the big needles into your ovaries. I'm good but I would actually need some participation on your end."

"Not helping your case."

"I'm _sorry_. I thought you knew. What kind of guy arranges in-vitro behind his partners back? I thought you were just trying to keep it quiet at work."

Addison shook her head, "He's lucky he already dying. Otherwise I'd kill him."

XXXX

Addison stood in the doorway silently for a long moment. Derek sat across the room from her in a reclining chair covered in a blanket. The table beside him was piled with books and papers; and he was fast asleep. She closed her eyes for a moment. She couldn't yell at him when he was asleep and hooked up to a dialysis machine.

She took a few steps into the room, examining the machine as if it would tell her that everything would be okay.

"Hey," Derek smiled at her groggily and reached out for her hand.

"Hey," she smiled back and stepped closer, "So, I ran into Sarah this morning."

"Ah."

"Yeah. 'Ah'. You have anything you want to tell me?"

Derek dropped his head back against his seat, "How long can you stay?"

Addison arched her brow and smirked, "I decided to take the rest of the day."

"You don't have to do that."

"I need to keep my eye on you," she said pointedly, she reached behind her to drag a chair closer but he stopped her with a tug on her hand.

"Come sit with me,"

Addison looked uncertainly at the tubing attached to his arm and stretching over to the dialysis machine.

"Just lean against my good arm," he moved over in his chair and pulled her down beside him. She moved carefully, attempting not to jostle him at all, and stretched her legs over his lap, kicked her shoes of and tucked her feet under his knees.

"Give me that blanket. I'm wearing a skirt," she covered her legs and curled in his side. She rested her fingers lightly on his arm and watched as he toyed with her fingertips. She tucked her head into his neck and inhaled deeply, "Does it hurt?"

"No," he assured her. Nuzzling his cheek against her hair he dropped his head down so their faces were close together and they were cut off from everyone else, "But I'm glad you're staying."

"Well," she shifted slightly then settled back in his arms and snuggled into his neck, "I'm not allowed to practice medicine today," she rolled her neck back so she could watch his profile as she spoke softly, "And I'm suppose to be on bed rest until tomorrow. No water-skiing, no rock climbing, no uterus-bouncing sex."

He turned his head to look at her.

"I took the appointment," she smiled shyly.

His face lit up, "So they started…" he glanced down at her abdomen, "When do you go back?"

She could see the wheels turning in his head, "I don't have to go back. You were a little off in your numbers. It usually takes a few days. They have to get the eggs and fertilize them and do all this other stuff then put them back. And usually the woman is aware that she'll be doing this and takes drugs so she'll produce more eggs."

"Oh."

Addison tapped her fingers against her stomach, "But we were lucky and your little guys seemed to know exactly what they needed to do." Both their eyes traveled down to her abdomen. Addison continued softly, "When I woke up Sarah said the egg was already fertilized asked if I wanted to go ahead without all the bells and whistles they usually do. As soon as the anesthesia from the egg retrieval wore off they implanted the embryo."

"Our baby's in their right now?"

"It probably wont work," Addison reminded him, "I just thought I'd give it a try, since you're having a bad day," she curled into him a little more and his hand protectively covered her stomach.

"When will we know?"

"10 days," she closed her eyes, her hand running over the hand that was guarding her stomach.

"10 days," he closed his eyes too and pulled her a bit closer with his good arm, "You know we have rules about touching like this in your hospital."

"Screw the rules."

XXXX

"Derek, what are you doing?" Derek turned around to see his mother, hands on her hips, glaring at him.

"Getting Addison some milk," he closed the cupboard door and glanced out the kitchen window to the Sloan girls who were playing with Sadie in the backyard.

"Shouldn't you be resting?"

"No. I feel fine."

"You had all the blood in your body sucked out and cleaned, go lay down, Derek." Catherine ordered, standing aside so he could pass her and go up to bed.

"Okaaay."

"I'm coming to check on you."

"Fine." Derek shook his head and made his way upstairs and into the master bedroom, "Add. Don't lay on your stomach, you'll squish it."

Addison chuckled and obediently rolled onto her side, "How come you're the one that had all his blood cleaned and filtered today and I'm the one not allowed out of bed?"

"Because you're trying to grow a person," he told her softy.

"Oh," she smiled as he abandoned her milk on top of the dresser and stretched out on the bed beside her. Resting on his stomach he curled a pillow into his arms. She moved closer and slipped her hand under his shirt so she could rub his back, "I'm only doing this if you promise to live for another 40 years. Preferably 50."

"You think you can live with me that long?"

She leaned over and kissed the tip of his nose. When she spoke again her tone was low and intimate,"I know I couldn't live without you that long, so what other option do I have?" Her hand trailed down his back, absently rubbing her hand over his kidney's.

He brought one hand up to rest against her neck, his thumb rubbing over her cheekbone, "Watch those hands there" he teased softly, "Now is not the time to be getting frisky."

Her smile faded into a sigh, "You're incorrigible."

"Mmmm," he smiled at her, still rubbing her cheek, "You know what today is?"

"No."

"It's the ten year anniversary of our divorce," he continued to speak gently.

"It's been 10 years?"

"Yeah."

"Wow," she breathed.

"I think I'm happier today then I was when I married you the first time," he said quietly.

"Really?"

"Really."

"Me too," she agreed softly, "But we missed so much time. We lost so much time together Derek and I can't loose you again."

"You won't," he assured her, "You won't loose me. Not ever."

Catherine watched them from the doorway, true to her word she wanted to make sure Derek was resting.

"It's not fair," Addison whispered, not crying but her voice unsteady, "It's not _fair_. I just got you back."

"I know," he moved even closer. He was still laying on his stomach beside her, he wanted to turn so they were both on their sides so he could wrap his arms around her, but something about the solemnity of the moment stopped him.

"I'm sorry I wasn't more supportive," Catherine leaned against the door frame. She was hesitant to enter their room.

"You were," Addison murmured softly, "You were the only one that thought we shouldn't get divorced."

Catherine nodded tearfully, "But with Meredith, I encouraged you to stay because I thought it was the right thing to do. I knew your heart wasn't in it and I told you it would get better. I said she was the mother of your child and you owed it to her –– and, I knew that you wanted to be together. And when you told me you'd been having… when you told me why Meredith left you I said horrible things," her voice broke, "and I didn't understand how you could intentionally hurt people like you did. I didn't want you to start another relationship. I told you not to… and now your sick and hurting and how could I have done that too you? You just wanted be with the person you love and I stopped you."

"You didn't stop us," Derek smiled at Addison and didn't take his eyes off of her, "Nothing stopped us. As destructive as that was for everyone," he teased.

Addison smiled.

"But you found each other again, that's what matters," Catherine assured them.

Addison laughed softly and Derek chuckled.

Catherine smiled at them and left the room.

"That's all that matters," Addison repeated.

"Apparently."

"I could have married Geoffrey and had 10 of his children and I still would have loved you."

"I was happy with Meredith but I was still madly in love with you," he leaned over and kissed the tip of her nose.

"I'm glad we can be in love with each other now and we don't have to hide it anymore, Derek."

"Me too."

"I just want to be in love with you. That's all I want. I just want to be in love with you and not have people tell us we shouldn't be together. I want to be in love with you."

"Me too," he ran his thumb over her lip, "Just us. In love. For real this time."

"It was always for real."

XXXX

"Do you need anything?"

Derek shook his head and leaned back against the headboard, "I need you to lay back down."

"I will," Addison picked up the laptop from the desk and climbed into bed. She opened it up and set it on her lap.

"Keep that away from your stomach. Radiation."

Addison smiled, but passed the computer over to him, "See if Rebecca e-mailed me."

"Who's Rebecca?"

"My real estate agent."

"Something you aren't telling me?"

"You made me an appointment with a fertility specialist, in retaliation I put our house up for sale."

Derek stared at her.

"Mark's married, you're semi-retired, I can't work these hours if I have a baby," She smiled, "So, I decided we would move back to Connecticut." She leaned over and kissed him, "Surprise."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

So I feel I should say something meaningful. Unfortunately I don't have a meaningful bone in my body.

What I will say is that I hope you liked the end. Personally I feel content with where I have left them. I just like feeling that there is more in front of them, but they are going to be alright together. This chapter was one of the easier ones to write cause I was ready to be done, but I still worried that it wasn't going to convey them as I see them. I'm still concerned that it doesn't and I worry that I'll post and tomorrow morning I'll find the perfect words.

Jury is still out on wether or not I'm going to write again. I do have an idea where Addison does something similar to what Meredith did with Cade. Or I have a bunch of Addek love letters saved to my hard drive.

Or I might write a real piece of fiction. I just don't have any ideas.

So. For the final time:

Review.

Not because I've promised you action figures and pets and alcohol.

But because I still have those Voo-Doo dolls left over from _Tear Your Love Apart_.


End file.
